WASHINGTON, DC—According to an FBI report released Monday, “reliable and substantive evidence” exists indicating that Muslims residing in the U.S. are involved in a widespread plot to develop nuclear families.
“We possess what we believe to be credible proof that thousands of Islamic Americans, many of them Mideast-born, are attempting to acquire nuclear-family capability, often in full view of American law-enforcement authorities,” said FBI director Robert Mueller, speaking before the Senate Intelligence Committee. “These nuclear families, which consist of a husband-wife core and a varied number of surrounding offspring, could potentially come into contact with other such nuclear families, creating a terrifying chain reaction of Muslim familial perpetuation.”
Census Bureau statistics show that the Muslim population of the U.S. has increased dramatically in recent years. Mueller attributed much of this growth to the proliferation of nuclear families.
“Communities as diverse and far-flung as Newark, NJ, and Tulsa, OK, are being converted into breeder reactors in which Muslim nuclear families can be easily and cheaply produced,” Mueller said. “Single Muslims who do not have nuclear families of their own are attracted by these favorable conditions.” Continue reading →
“When I think about how bad things are already, I can’t help but worry that it’s going to get infinitely worse once we step into the voting booth next November,” said Gavin Daniels, 34, of Columbus, OH, one of 1,200 registered voters who participated in the survey. “This country has repeatedly screwed itself over at the ballot box, and I have this really sickening, unshakable feeling we’re going to do it again next year. That’s just sort of what we do.”
“I keep asking myself, ‘Am I going to completely fuck things up by dropping the ball on my vote for president and sending someone patently corrupt or incompetent to Congress?” he continued. “And the answer for me and millions of other American voters is yeah, probably. God knows we do almost every time.”
The poll also suggested that despite a presidential campaign season that now lasts a full year and a half, American voters feel they still fail to acquire useful information about the relative merits of a candidate, acknowledging that on the whole, they cannot make the sound decisions required of a functioning electorate in a representative democracy.
Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama’s Placenta
AUGUST 27, 2009 | ISSUE 45•35
WASHINGTON–In the continuing controversy surrounding the president’s U.S. citizenship, a new fringe group informally known as “Afterbirthers” demanded Monday the authentication of Barack Obama’s placenta from his time inside his mother’s womb. “All we are asking is that the president produce a sample of his fetal membranes and vessels—preferably along with a photo of the crowning and delivery—and this will all be over,” said former presidential candidate and Afterbirthers spokesman Alan Keyes, later adding that his organization would be willing to settle for a half-liter of maternal cord plasma. “To this day, the American people have not seen a cervical mucus plug, let alone one that has been signed and notarized by a state-certified Hawaiian health official. If the president was indeed born in the manner in which he claims, then where is his gestation sac?” Keyes said that if Obama did not soon produce at least a bloody bedsheet from his conception, Afterbirthers would push forward with efforts to exhume the president’s deceased mother and inspect the corpse’s pelvic bone and birth canal.
If you haven’t heard of The Onion, you’re dead to me.1
Considering Fox News is Faux News, it’s no wonder that Fox Nation cannot differentiate between fake news and real news, and it’s no wonder that Fox News Teat Sucklers can’t either.2
Here’s a bit of the article posted at The Onion; it’s entitled Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail, and seriously? If you can’t tell that the article is satire, even upon a cursory reading, then there’s probably a village that has already filed a missing persons report because it is wondering where the hell you are: Continue reading →
October 30 was “Gay Eradication Day” in some backwards ass area of East Kingston, Jamaica. I recall reading various articles about the rampant homophobia in Jamaica, but this is just so so wrong, I’m struggling to even find words to describe this travesty.
I’m baffled that this sort of shit is going on in the world.
Two weeks ago, the residents of McGregor Gully gave gay residents two weeks to leave-as in get the hell out of town. Friday was the expiration of their “get out” period: