Tag Archives: taxes

The GOP rides into the sunset.

Posted on February 16, 2012 by | 5 Comments

But we have to be committed to hurrying them along.

Ok, I’m just going to say this crazy thing out loud:

It is my professional opinion, as a typer of words for little pay and longtime citizen of these United States, that the GOP as we know it will soon, within my lifetime, be a thing of the past.

BEFORE YOU START TELLING ME I’M WRONG, let’s focus on the words “as we know it.”

I’m not suggesting that the Republican Party will disappear, nor that a third party will rise to threaten it. No apocalypse, no Zombie Lincoln coming back to regain the brand.

I’m merely suggesting that the GOP that very clearly has little-to-no time for gay people, black people, Latino people, Asian people, not-rich people, not-Christian people, or women people, will, within a generation, have to find a new way to keep big business afloat.

My evidence?

The American people.

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Emily L. Hauser, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity

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"Stop Coddling the Poor" by T.P. Pratt

Posted on August 18, 2011 by | 5 Comments

[What follows is a reader submission for your eye holes: T.P. Pratt provides this horrifying glimpse into the life of the rich.  It is chilling.  -ABLxx]

 The other day — Sunday — I woke up and went about doing what I normally do on a Sunday.

You know, maybe make some breakfast, hate myself a little bit more for watching Meet The Press, and so on. My Sundays are lovely — I often enjoy sitting back, sipping some tea, and making myself feel particularly stupid while attempting The New York Times crossword puzzle.

This past Sunday was like most others — just lovely — until I happened upon something so outrageously false, so perpetually upsetting to me that I felt the urge to to do something bold — something direct.  And so, I put pen to paper finger to keyboard and wrote the following letter.

Dear Warren Buffett:

I couldn’t help but notice that you decided to lower yourself from aging tycoon to New York Times hack. Perhaps “hack” is too harsh — harsh for hacks that will undoubtedly be hurt by their association with you. Frankly, I’m not quite sure what to call you, or what to say about your “op-ed.”   I will say this, however: I find it to be richer in fairy tales and myths than an episode of Game of Thrones.

“Stop coddling the rich?” Perhaps you were coddling the bourbon as you wrote your pablum; I don’t know.

You think the rich have it easy, or something? You think they are coddled and lead easy lives? Well, think again, pal.

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Posted in Guest Contributors, Shits and Giggles, Submissions from Readers

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Teabillies: Taxed Enough Already? Thank Obama for lowering your taxes.

Posted on April 18, 2011 by | 2 Comments

You idiots.

So you know how the Teabillies are some of the most uninformed people in the history of the land, almost exclusively due to the fact they watch solely Fox News, and Fox News is a lying sack of shit?  Well now we have the numbers to prove it.

In the Teabilly mind, the word “tea” stands for Taxed Enough Already. I wonder how much their heads would explode if they found out that Obama has actually reduced taxes more than any other president since Eisenhower  back in 19-reallylongtimeago:

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Posted in Political Shenanigans, Sarah Palin and Tall, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity

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Budget Cuts: There's a Difference Between Quality and Quantity [UPDATED]

Posted on April 11, 2011 by | 14 Comments

It doesn’t look that bad thus far, so calm down.

As expected, left-leaning Beltway pundits are freaking the fuck out about yet another cave by Obama.

He compromised. He’s a shitty negotiator. He always gives the Republicans what they want. PRIMARY HIM!!!11one

Everyone rushed to judgment before the facts about the budget cuts were even released.

So how does it shake out now that the facts are rolling out? Pretty damn well, All Things Considered1:

(MOAR budget madness)

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Posted in Balloon Juice Cross-Posts, Libertarian Lunacy, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!, Political Shenanigans

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The United States Government is an Asshat

Posted on September 23, 2010 by | Leave a comment

Exactly what the hell is wrong with it?

Republicans? You suck.  Is there anything that you plan to do to move this country forward?  I haven’t seen it.  You’re talking about enacting federal laws preventing judges from using Sharia law in federal courts.  You’re talking about whittling away separation of church and state so we can be one big Christian nation (even though your biggest idiot is MORMON and you don’t even fucking like Mormons!)

You’re talking about “too much government! me no likey government!” but then you’re also talking about forcing women to have babies or else face punishment from the government — forcing women who have been raped to have their rapist or that creepy Uncle Joe’s baby!  What the hell is wrong with you?  You think the homosexuals have an agenda and their agenda infringes your liberty.  What the hell is wrong with you?

Democrats? You suck.  The GOP is doing nothing but saying no, no, no, to every fucking thing you try do, and now you’ve decided to wait until after the midterms before voting on the tax cuts — even though the majority of Americans supports extending the tax cuts for the middle class, and letting the tax cuts expire for the rich — because you’re a bunch of ‘fraidy cats.  What the hell is wrong with you?

I get it.  You’re scared of the word “taxes.”  “Taxes” ruined your 5th birthday party.  “Taxes” shoved you in a locker in school and it was really claustrophobic in there.  “Taxes” promised to have sex with you on prom night, but left you handcuffed to the bed and stole your clothes.  “Taxes” defriended you on Facebook.  Well, sack up already.

Look, I don’t pretend to understand economics.  But it seems to me, someone among you must.  Fucking figure it out already.

President Obama? What the fuck, dude?  You were riding high on a wave of hope.  But now? You’re sinking on a wave of WTF!?  Some of your base loathes you so much that they are contemplating aligning themselves with the fucking Tea Party because they don’t think you’ve done enough to help them (and also, they’re short-sighted asshats.)

Are you really going to stand around and let the Republicans continue to tacitly support the fucking Birthers and question your legitimacy as President?  Are you going to just sit there while Fox fucking News continues to flat out lie about your policies?  Get it together, man!

I’m so disgusted, I can’t even deal with any of you right now. Continue reading →

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Posted in Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Culture Critic, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans

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Screech is Broke, Y'all!

Posted on August 3, 2009 by | Leave a comment

I guess his sex tape didn’t sell ts-dustin_diamond

Dustin Diamond, formerly of Saved By the Bell fame owes a whopping twenty-one thousand dollah dollah bills, y’all to the Tax Man in Wisconsin.  A lien filed in Ozaukee County, Wisconsin shows that Dustin, Mr. Diamond if you’re nasty owes $21,015.62 in unpaid taxes.  An Ozaukee County court clerk tipped off TMZ, telling the celebrity news conglomerate that as of two days ago, the bill still hasn’t been paid.

Twenty-one thousand dollars?  Dang!  Weak sauce. At least when Method Man and Snoop Dogg got busted by the Tax Man, they owed a respectable amount.  Plus, they have an excuse–they’re high on weed all time.

In other news, when I think “Tax Man,” I immediately think “BWEE DOP BOP BA DOP BOP!”  I guess in this case it would be “SCREECH DOP BOP BA DOP BOP!”

Source.

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Please Die in a Fire

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The Tax Man Cometh

Posted on April 28, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Snoop Dogg in the Tax Terrordomets-snoop-dogg-smoking

Snoop Dogg, née Calvin Broadus owes more than a quarter million dollars in back taxes to the state of California.  Damn, yo.  That’s more money than Method Man owes; Mr. Man only owed about $53K.

People need to stop smoking so much damn weed and pay their damn taxes.



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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Criminally Stupid

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I Was Gonna Pay the Tax Man, But Then I Got High

Posted on March 28, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Method Man Has Got Mail Like Whoa!

ts-methodman421

In honesty is the best policy news, Method Man of Wu Tang Clan wants you to know that he ain’t broke, y’all.  He’s just too high to remember to do shit.

According to the Daily News, Mr. Man, born Clifford Smith, had his Lincoln Navigator repossessed by the man recently.  (People still drive those?  Really?).  Apparently, Meth owes $52,503 in back taxes to the New York State Department of Taxation, so on March 19, whitey showed up at Method Man’s doorstep to repo some of his shit.

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Criminally Stupid

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