Tag Archives: Republicans are asshats

Cal Thomas, Retire Already: Part III

Posted on February 24, 2012 by | 5 Comments

Conservative Columnist Co-opts Black History Month to Honor Republicans

As Black History Month draws to a close, world-renowned conservative columnist Cal Thomas wants to remind liberals everywhere who are too stoned to remember basic American history that the Republican Party really really really loves black people.

Or at least they did at one time.

Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, Thomas informed us this week in his syndicated column, “Black (Liberal) History Month.” A Republican-led Congress supported the Emancipation Proclamation and the 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments. Republicans in the 38th Congress passed legislation creating the “Negro Calvary,” also known as Buffalo Soldiers, in the 1860s. And Ulysses “Snowflake” Grant, a Republican, signed the Civil Rights Act of 1875, which allowed blacks access to public accommodations—until it was ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court.

There’s a not-so-subtly-buried trend within this unflatteringly short list of historical “moments” when Republicans fought for African Americans: they all happened a long, long time ago—before even Thomas was born.

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Posted in Nicholas Wilbur, Now That's Some Racist Bullsh*t, Obamaganda, Our Pundits of Perpetual Disappointment, Please Die in a Fire, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity

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Shorter Indiana Rep. Bob Morris (R-Dipshit): Girl Scouts Turn Girls into Whores and Lesbians

Posted on February 21, 2012 by | 21 Comments

First they came for the thin mints…

This is preposterous:

INDIANAPOLIS – A Fort Wayne lawmaker’s rant against the Girl Scouts went viral Monday after he called them a “radicalized organization” that supports abortion and promotes “homosexual lifestyles.”

Rep. Bob Morris, R-Fort Wayne, sent a letter to Indiana House Republicans on Saturday explaining why he was the only member in the chamber not to sign onto a resolution last week celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. Continue reading →

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Posted in Balloon Juice Cross-Posts, LGBTQ Shenanigans, War on Women

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The GOP rides into the sunset.

Posted on February 16, 2012 by | 5 Comments

But we have to be committed to hurrying them along.

Ok, I’m just going to say this crazy thing out loud:

It is my professional opinion, as a typer of words for little pay and longtime citizen of these United States, that the GOP as we know it will soon, within my lifetime, be a thing of the past.

BEFORE YOU START TELLING ME I’M WRONG, let’s focus on the words “as we know it.”

I’m not suggesting that the Republican Party will disappear, nor that a third party will rise to threaten it. No apocalypse, no Zombie Lincoln coming back to regain the brand.

I’m merely suggesting that the GOP that very clearly has little-to-no time for gay people, black people, Latino people, Asian people, not-rich people, not-Christian people, or women people, will, within a generation, have to find a new way to keep big business afloat.

My evidence?

The American people.

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Emily L. Hauser, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity

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Oklahoma Seeks to Outlaw Food Made From Aborted Fetuses [Update: It's Fake] [Update again: NO IT'S NOT.]

Posted on January 20, 2012 by | 33 Comments

AND NO I’M NOT KIDDING. Someone has a dark sense of humor! OH SWEET JESUS IT’S REAL

***see update below.  It’s a hoax.

***see update below.  It’s NOT a hoax!

Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey (R-WTF?!) has authored SB1418, a bill which would prohibit people from munching on aborted fetuses — because — because — oh, fuck if I know:

No person or entity shall manufacture or knowingly sell food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the ingredients or which used aborted human fetuses in the research or development of any of the ingredients.

Feel that?  That’s Poe’s Law slapping you upside the head.

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Posted in Weird Ass Shenanigans, What the Crap!?

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Seriously, New Hampshire GOP? With the Magna Carta?

Posted on January 4, 2012 by | 31 Comments

Putting the “wha?!” in “what the fuck?!”

 New Hampshire Republicans have already demonstrated that they drink steaming hot mugs of crazy on the regular.

Remember how New Hampshire Republicans essentially defunded Planned Parenthood of New England thus making it impossible for low-income women in New Hampshire to obtain contraception? The Republicans’ reasoning, of course, was NO ABORSHUNS EVAH! even though federal law (hello? Hyde Amendment?) prohibits the use of federal funds for abortion.

But no matter! New Hampshire Republicans don’t need a reason to kick New Hampshire women in their vaginae.  These Tea Party fanatics just do whatever their tiny mental Jesus tells them to do.

I wrote about the New Hampshire GOP’s assault on women’s reproductive rights here.  Later, I wrote about how Obama basically was all, “Nobody kicks American women in the vaginae! Not on my watch!” which resulted in the federal government stepping in to fund Planned Parenthood of New England, so women in New Hampshire could purchase contraception and other totally-not-abortion-related healthcare services.

(Now, what does all this have to do with the Magna Carta?  Very little.  Just wanted to point out that Obama is totally looking out for you and your uterus.  Moving on.)

New Hampshire Republicans have dialed up the crazy yet again.  But this time it’s not women’s lady-areas they’re legislating, it’s old-ass English law – the Magna Carta (most of which was repealed as soon as it was enacted.)

Yes, seriously.

From Think Progress,

New Hampshire Republicans are taking textual originalism to a whole new level: three lawmakers have proposed a bill that requires that all legislation find its origin not in the U.S. constitution, but an English document crafted in 1215.

When the legislature reconvenes this month, Republicans want their colleagues to justify many new bills with a direct quote from the 800-year-old Magna Carta.

No, don’t rub your eyes.  You just read that.  That just happened.

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Posted in Political Shenanigans, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity, War on Women, What the Crap!?

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Mike Huckabee Is Saying Sensible Things About the GOP

Posted on January 3, 2012 by | 7 Comments

Stop the presses!

 Mike Huckabee opened his face-hole and words came out!  Sensible words!

From Think Progress,

As the GOP candidates stump around the Hawkeye State before tonight’s Iowa caucus, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee (R), who won the caucus in 2008, called out many in his party for prioritizing political victory over the country’s well-being. In a radio interview, Huckabee expressed his frustration with the current field and said, “If I walked in the booth today I’m not sure who I’d pull the lever for.” He explained that he decided not to get in the race this time because, “It appears to me, and it still does to a large degree, that many of the Republicans are more interested in just defeating Barack Obama than they are in rebuilding America.” Huckabee said he wanted to see more of an emphasis on how to get Americans back to work and noted, “defeating somebody without a plan to really resolve problems, to me, is a worthless endeavor.”

Gee whiz, Mike, what gave you the idea that Republicans care only about defeating Barack Obama? Could it be that they brought the country to brink of economic collapse over what should have been a routine raising of the debt ceiling just to throw the Teabilly Wing of the party a bone? Could it be that they refused to pass the American Jobs Act (or any part of it)? Continue reading →

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity

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President Obama Plays The GOP Yet Again

Posted on December 28, 2011 by | 5 Comments

Republicans are preparing to go into full OUTRAGE MODE over the Obama Administration’s request to the Treasury to raise the debt ceiling another $1.2 trillion. The debt ceiling deal worked out earlier this year gives the Republicans a chance to pass a resolution of disapproval, but the President would have to sign the resolution after it somehow passed a Democratically-controlled Senate in order to stop the debt ceiling hike. In other words, there’s nothing the Republicans can really do other than complain loudly.

Except President Obama has outfoxed the elephants once again: the GOP may not even get the chance to do that much, because they’re on winter break until January 17. Brian Beutler explains: Continue reading →

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Posted in Balloon Juice Cross-Posts, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!, Political Shenanigans, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity, Zandar

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Anti-tax Republicans fight against tax cuts for the bottom 98 percent

Posted on December 6, 2011 by | Leave a comment

What does an oil pipeline through the middle of the United States have to do with payroll tax cuts?

Obama at Monday's press briefing

Absolutely nothing.

Grasping for whatever leverage they can find in a tax battle with Democrats they’re sure to lose, and hoping to “sweeten the deal” for Teapublican House members weary of supporting any measure backed by the Obama Administration, Republican leaders have proposed speeding up the highly controversial Keystone XL pipeline project and eliminating some environmental protections as a lure to Republican lawmakers to get on board with a payroll tax cut extension affecting 98 percent of Americans.

As a dagger in the heart of Democrats, this is a beautifully repugnant example of partisan politics. As an incentive to the staunchly conservative, anti-everything Tea Party members in the lower chamber, it’s yet another sign of just how reliant Republican leaders are on the sanity of the opposition party when it comes to keeping government functioning.

“Talk is cheap,” House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) told reporters Friday, according to a report in The Hill.

When President Bush said the country was in trouble, Democrats responded in a bipartisan way. When the Republicans couldn’t keep government running without our help, they got our help. The second time they couldn’t keep government running without our help, we gave them our help. They couldn’t make sure that America paid its debts, paid its bills, (and) Democrats helped.

Democrats have shown — not just talked about it — have shown that we are prepared (to cross the aisle).

Considering that Republicans are the anti-tax party, you’d think a payroll tax cut would move swiftly through the House with a rubber stamp and a parade of worship for GOP lawmakers sticking up for American workers everywhere. Instead, the “Taxed Enough Already” caucus apparently wants to increase taxes on all but the rich.

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Posted in Nicholas Wilbur, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity

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Herman Cain Supporters, Rejoice!

Posted on December 5, 2011 by | 5 Comments

In a meandering, cliché-drenched speech that made George W. Bush sound like a world-renowned scholar of the oratorical arts, Republican Herman Cain announced on Saturday, Dec. 3, 2011—a day that will live in infamy thanks to the candidate’s head-scratching paraphrasing of a Pokémon quotation—the immediate suspension, some say permanent, of his pie-in-the-sky presidential campaign.

For those who saw Cain as the everyman candidate, the Average Joe, the overweight/black/male/bald version of Sarah Palin; for those who donated to his campaign, cheered at his rallies and courageously defended his economic, social and foreign policy blunders against the mainstream media’s factual clarifications vicious attacks; and for those whose loyalty didn’t waver even when those lying bitches accused Cain of sexual harassment, philandering and faithlessness to his wife of four decades, do not despair. There is a silver lining to every dark, thunderous, campaign-killing cloud.

In this case it’s the avoidance of post-primary shame from which all ye Republican dipshits would be suffering had karma not intervened and forced Cain’s cheatin’ ass to drop out.

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Nicholas Wilbur, The Hermanator

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