Tag Archives: movies

Burning Bridges and Insults

Slow-Burn

I’m having one of those days:

and one of these days:

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When Harry Met Sally 2.0

Good times.

I’m putting Helen Mirren on my list of chicks for whom I would go gay.  Make some room for Helen, Kate Winslet.

You’re welcome.

(H/T Jessica!)

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Snack to the Future: Best Tumblr Ever or BEST TUMBLR EVAR?

I love puns so much, I want to take them out back and get them pregnant (with their permission, of course).

So much heavy discussion for a Saturday night — we need a little levity up in here.  Check out this Tumblr blog, Snack to the Future.  It’s the best ever — or at least, today.)


(click here for MOAR PUNZ!!!11)

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MST3K: Go Packers!

From Giant Spider Invasion

You’re welcome.

(H/T Common Sense!)

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What the Fuck, India? — Enthiran Trailer

Seriously.  WTF?!

This trailer is bananas.  I’m not even sure what I just watched.  Apparently, it’s the most expensive Indian movie ever made.  It’s just — bananas.  Did I say that?  Oh, and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is in it; she’s smokin’.

But that’s all very far beside the point.  The point is: this shit is BANANAS.  Just watch it.  It doesn’t matter that it’s dubbed in Russian:

You’re welcome?

[via Pajiba]

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Project Runway's Nina Garcia Gets Klum'd by Project Runway's Heidi Klum

Hurt so good.

I didn’t really watch Project Runway this season because I had to cut out all reality television from my TV diet.  Not because I’m above it, mind you.  I loved ANTM, Survivor, and The Amazing Race. I used to watch Big Brother and sometimes, during a particularly bad bout of insomnia, I would watch Big Brother After Dark.  (spoiler alert!  it’s not porn.)

But, I know some of y’all watch PR, and I need to not write about politics 24/7, so here is awesome schadenfreude news for those of you who loathed Gretchen, on account of her being a butthole and all: Heidi Klum wore a modified version of one of Mondo’s dresses — you know the one that Nina Garcia double dog dared Heidi to wear (“I’d like to see you wear that dress, Klum!“) — to the Black Swan premiere in LA.

From People:

Mondo Guerra may have lost Project Runway, but he already has one big-name client: Heidi Klum. The TV hostess arrived at Thursday night’s Black Swan premiere in Los Angeles dressed in a variation of Guerra’s finale showpiece, a long, fitted black dress patterned with colorful white bubbles.

Mondo Guerra was a fan favorite, and one of my favorites as well,” Klum tells Modelinia.com. “I love his … gown; it really represents his design style, fun yet still chic.

Guerra exclusively tells PEOPLE that he just happened to be in Los Angeles this week when he got a fateful phone call. “As I was packing to come back to Denver my cell phone rang and a bright, cheery, ‘Hello’ greeted me, with a German accent,” he says. “I wasn’t sure who it was, but the next thing I knew, the voice on the other end was asking me, ‘Do you have my dress?’

Ready to drop everything for Klum, Guerra set up an immediate fitting, then jetted home to Denver and hit the fabric store. “The next morning I came back to my studio and made the dress, shipped it overnight for early morning delivery,” he shares. “I knew she had received the dress, but was she going to wear it?

The answer is now fabulously clear, although Guerra didn’t know until about 10 p.m. Thursday night, when friends started reaching out. “I opened Facebook and there on my page were pictures of Heidi wearing the dress,” he recalls. “I yelled, ‘She wore it!’ I slept very well last night.

Nina Garcia?

YOU GOT KLUM’D.

[more photos after the jump] Continue reading

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Justin Bieber Biopic Is In Development

Oh Biebus Christ.  For serious?

Honestly, we might as well all just kill ourselves right now.  A Justin Bieber biopic is rumored to be in the works.  It’ll be like 8 Mile but with less Detroit, more Canada, less real bacon, more fake bacon, and sixty percent more bowls of stupid hair:

When Justin Bieber professed his desire to be a major movie star just three months ago, he couldn’t have known his wish was about to come true. But guess what, BFFs?  The Biebster is about to become a movie star!


HollywoodLife.com can exclusively confirm that a script similar to the 2002 film 8 Mile is in development – and close to completion! “There currently isn’t a final script, but just like Eminem did in 8 Mile, Justin will star!” an industry insider tells us.


There’s one catch, though. Given JB’s small stature, studio execs are joking that the upcoming film “should be called 4 Mile, or Half Mile,” laughed our insider.


The Biebster first professed his desire to star in a movie to Teen Vogue back in April, telling the magazine, “We’re trying to set up a movie for me in the near future—it’s going to be similar to the story of how I got discovered – kinda like my own version of 8 Mile.”

So what should you expect from the 16-year-old singer’s feature? Eminem’s 2002 art-imitating-life flick was about a young rapper growing up in Detroit, including his alcoholic mom issues, struggle with drugs and burgeoning career.


If Justin’s film is similar to HIS life, expect to see Biebs reveal his loneliness at growing up with a single mom, his tough life on the streets in Canada (we kid) and how, after promoting himself shamelessly on YouTube, Usher and Justin Timberlake fought tooth and nail for the young singer. Oh yeah, and Kim Kardashian should totally cameo!

HA HA!  4 Mile!  How clever!  LOL out loud!

Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from stabbing the nearest Canadian…



...or the nearest black person.



[Video after the jump.  I don't recommend watching it.  Unless you want to set yourself on fire as I have just done.]

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The Last Airbender, Face Painting and Racism

Yellowface is the New Blackface***

I read a blog post on Floating World the other day and I meant to share it with you people, but then I didn’t because I was busy.  And that’s the story of how that happened.

::ahem::

M. Night’s Shyamalan’s new movie apparently not only sucks — go here for a damn good review by Pajiba author Brian Prisco and, hello, 8% on Rotten Tomatoes — but perpetuates Hollywood’s serious race problem.  What’s the problem?  Too many white folks getting jobs that should be going to colored folks.

This issue was presented brilliantly in Tropic Thunder; Bob Downey, Jr. is a white American playing a white Australian playing a black American.  He’s the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude.  (It cracks me up that there are people who didn’t understand this brilliant bit of satire and accused Ben Stiller of being racist.  People are asshats.)

In The Last Airbender (a movie based upon Avatar: The Last Airbender, which is a Nickelodeon series about… you know…  Asian stuff), white actors portray all of the main characters (or almost all — admittedly, I have not seen the film, nor do I plan to because fuck you, Lady in the Water and The Happening)  who, in the television series, are obviously of Asian and South Asian heritage.  Aaaaaaaand, the bad guys are portrayed by brown people.  Duhvs.

I don’t know anything about this series, so I’m going to shut my yapper.  I am, however, going to give you a snippet of Q. Le’s article, “Face Painting,” and then encourage you to read the entire post.  It’s long, but it’s well worth reading:

“As some of you may know, Paramount commissioned (in)famous director M. Night Shyamalan to adapt the popular Nickelodian series “Avatar: The Last Airbender” into a movie trilogy. The TV series revolves a fantastical, Hayao Miyazaki-inspired universe that deals with individuals capable of controlling and manipulating (aka “bending”) one or several of the earth’s elements – Earth, Wind, Water, and Fire – and how the main protagonist, Aang, the Last Airbender, is destined to bring back balance when the Fire nation’s imperialistic and war-mongering desires get out of hand. The movie is slated for release July 1st this year, and its production has led to a lot of controversy specifically with regards to its casting.

 

Though I’m not a particular fan of the show (nor do I dislike it) and am simply neutral overall, I feel that it is necessary to state for several reasons why I will not support this movie for professional, philosophical and personal reasons.

 

 

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Angry Black Lady Chronicles: Glenn Beck and Tyler Perry…So Happy Together!

Hear that?  It’s the sound of the lesser known fifth horseman of the apocalypse approaching.

Tyler Perry annoys me.  I think he’s a subpar filmmaker and is too big for his britches.  I mean, seriously?  Do you need to attach your name to every gottdamn movie that you make?  Isn’t there some sort of quality threshold that a filmmaker must achieve before he can start slappin’ his name on everything?  “Tyler Perry presents Tyler Perry written and directed by Tyler Perry, with lyrics by Steven Tyler and vocals by Steve Perry.”

Will somebody please kill me in the face?

Listen up, dude.  You’re not Francis Ford Coppola.  So enough already.  We get it.  You like to dress in drag, exaggerate stereotypes of the black community, and produce movies that are so predictable that I could probably tell you the plot of every movie without even having seen them.  Now, I’m not claiming there’s anything malicious in his portrayal of the black community.  But does it have to be so one note?  Maybe I’m too “bougie” or whatever, but his movies don’t represent me or any of the black folks that I’m friends with.

I mean, I guess I have to appreciate, in the abstract, that a black filmmaker has achieved as much success as he obviously has.  But the glaring problem is that his movies are not well-written or particularly well-made, so la dee frickin da.  You have your own production company and are rolling in your piles of money, but for what?  To thrust more bullshit into an already bullshit-laden film market?

Part of my annoyance with Tyler Perry stems from the fact that I think he has a responsibility to make better movies so black actors and actresses can star in better movies.  There are so few quality roles out there for black folks, it’s almost as if black actors have to star in Tyler Perry movies.  If you’re black, Spike Lee is busy, and you’re name isn’t Denzel Washington, then you have to suckle from Tyler Perry’s teat.  And I’m telling you, that milk has gone bad.  (I’m calling it right now–Gabourey Sidibe will, at some point in her career, star in a Tyler Perry film.  It’s going to happen.)

Tyler Perry is clearly Black Director Numero Uno right now, so why the hell can’t he hone his craft a little bit more–maybe team up with better writers–and produce a good movie?  A great movie.  A movie that will make me eat my words.  Because let me tell you something–that Medea shit is not funny.   Perhaps his work is better suited for theater.  I don’t know.  I don’t really care enough to find out.

And yes, I am aware that hella black folks love his movies.  And maybe you think I’m just a hater feasting on hater tots.  I’m ok with that.  It doesn’t change the fact that Tyler Perry sucks.

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