I like following conservative and conservative-ish pundits on Twitter, because A) it’s good to know what the other side is saying and B) they’ve often sometimes got insightful things to say about their cause. Here are some of my favorite tweeted reactions to tonight’s debate from a couple of the nation’s leading conservative thinkers:
My list of “shit I can’t stand” is long and storied. To write the entire list would take a lifetime and likely cause repeated head explosions. So I’ll name just a few:
1. racism, sexism, nihilism. You know. Your basic negative “-isms.”
2. people who wear Crocs. OK fine, I don’t hate the people, I hate Crocs. (Sorry Croc wearers, but you really should damn well know better.)
3. whimsical spelling. Do you unironically write “kewl,” “cuz,” “wot,” or “ur”? Seriously? STOP IT RIGHT NOW. It even pisses me off when people say “u” instead of “you.” IT’S NOT THAT MUCH SHORTER! And if you’re over the age of 20 25 and writing this shit? Well you ought to rethink your entire existence.
4. relentless use of expressive acronyms (“LOL” and its bastard son “LOLOLOL” and all its inbred cousins “ROFL,” “LMAO,” “ROFLMAO.”) I use the term “expressive acronyms” because for some reason, I love me some “WTF” and some “FTW.” Hypocrisy? Perhaps. Awesome? Definitely.
CAVEAT: I have some friends who sparingly use “LOL” and I don’t mind when they do. You know who you are. Their usage is infrequent and comes after I’ve, admittedly, said typed something fucking hilarious. What really burns my goat (yeah, I have a burning goat! What of it?) is people who slap a “lol” on the end of every sentence.
“I went to the movies and got ice cream lol. It was really cold and I got a brain freeze lol.” Please die in a fire lol.
5. overuse of emoticons. Want to set the tone on an email? Sure, slap a winky face on the end of your message to show me how gottdamn chipper you are. But if you’re ending every motherfucking sentence with :D or a :) or a :P, then get thee to a Greek funeral and ceremoniously hurl yourself on top of the pyre.
6. misuse of apostrophes. This one really makes me want to blow up the world. Listen up, people. You should know the difference between “your” and “you’re.” YOU JUST SHOULD. Typos are understandable. They are. But some of you out there really just don’t get it. And what’s more? You don’t care. But fine. “You’re” and “your.” They sound the same. I get it. That’s somewhat forgivable. Somewhat.
But do you know what is inexcusable? What burns my goat more than anything else?
Fools who refuse to recognize that an apostrophe is not required to render a word plural.
A friend of mine sent me an example. He took this picture at work, and I have to say, it seriously makes me want to set myself on fire:
Knife’s? Really? KNIFE’S? Not even “knive’s”? Just… just… you know…
KNIFE’S??????
To be faced with such grammar fuckery on today, the most holy of days, is really just…
(H/T to Bas!)
[***Title inadvertently and subconsciously stolen from Welcome to Stabby Mart.]
