Tag Archives: Justin Beaver

This 5-Year-Old Wants a Job Before She Gets Married

Justin Beaver ain’t got nothin’ on this 5 year old.

Never fear, dear.  If the Teabillies have their way, you’ll be working in a sweatshop by the age of 8, pregnant by age 12, forced birth by age 12.9 (give or take), after which the Teabillies won’t even look you in the eye.  Why?  Because they’re hypocrites.

Obama, on the other hand, ensured that when you get that job, girl, you have a shot at making just as much as the boys.

Then again, if the Teabillies proceed on their current crash course to crazytown, you’re going to be nothing but a womb with a head.

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I think I hate Justin Bieber more than I like Muslims

If Justin Bieber is for religious tolerance, then I’m against it. 

In news that is alternatively LOL and OMGWTF?, Justin Bieber has been thrust into the (apparently ongoing) debate about Park 51 aka Cordoba House aka The Muslin Mosk That Wants to Kill Your Family and Pets.

A bunch of fuckwits are still pissed off about the Cordoba House being built in an old Burlington’s Coat Factory a few blocks away from Ground Zero and the World Trade Center Commemorative Strip Club.  They are so pissed off that they are boycotting any companies that support the rights of motherfuckers to go pray in the middle of the day or learn how to swim, or learn how to make houses out of popsicle sticks near the “hollowed ground” that is Ground Zero.

Well, this may shock you folks, but I vote yes on Proposition Boycott. Yes, that’s right.  I’m all for it!  I know I’ve ranted and raved about how head ‘splodey these intolerant Islamophobic idiots make me, so I understand that my about-face on this issue may come as a surprise.  But hear me out!

These former fuckwits, now champions of liberty, freedom, and All Things Palin (she’s not so bad when you think about it.  I sort of like her now!) have proposed a boycott that I can fully get behind (even though it turns me against all my Muslim brothers and sisters): THEY ARE BOYCOTTING TEH BIEBER.

That’s right.  These patriots, these king of kings have dragged Canada’s pop sensation minion from hell into the fray, and I, for one, support it.

From Salon.com: Continue reading

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I think I might actually LIKE Justin Bieber…

But only when his songs are slowed waaaaaaay the fuck down.

Like, eight times slower.

I listened to his new track “U Smile.”  And by “listened,” I mean, “I gritted my teeth and choked back the vomit and could only take it for 20 seconds before I yelled ‘Oh my god, make it stop!’“  (Of course I was instantly annoyed that he couldn’t have added two stupid letters to the damn song title.  “YOU Smile.”  See how easy that is?  You’re not Prince, so I will not allow it.)

Here’s Lil Biebs (who sounds like crap, by the way):

Then I listened to the 800% slower version, and it’s actually really fucking cool:


J. BIEBZ – U SMILE 800% SLOWER by Shamantis

From Gawker:

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Maybe I *do* have Beaver Fever and I don't even know it!

There’s got to be a better way to say that…

Because I'm sick of looking at that stupid hair.


So, yeah.  Justin Bieber has become my cause du jour.  Hell,  cause de l’annee is more like it.  But sweet mary on a piece of cheese toast, I can’t get over how annoying this little twerp is.

So, some Bieber fan, Kevin Kristopik, acted the fool and tried to get a bunch of people to call Justin Bieber by posting Lil Biebs’ phone number on his Twitter page. When Biebs was bombarded with calls from crazed tweens (he’s got 4.5 million followers), he decided to exact some revenge:

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Justin Bieber is a Dodgers Fan, Apparently. Thanks, Canada.

If this is Bieber’s world, I would like to relocate.

Yesterday, as I was driving back from the East Meets West Pro-Am Pole Dancing Competition, which my friend Natasha won because she is exactly awesome, I drove by a billboard that shocked, awed, and horrified me (in that order):1

This was my reaction:

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Justin Bieber Gets Nailed in the Head with a Watrer [sic] Bottle!

“Honestly, I’m a big fan of Justin Beaver and this offends me. Toby.”

I know why she threw it at you.  She was trying to dislodge your stupid hair from your head.

By the way, Toby is not amused.

[via Pajiba via Buzzfeed]


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Kids Don’t Like Bieber Either

If you hate Justen Bever [sic] SINE!1

Angry Black commenter and friend SeaKat took this picture at her daughter’s summer day camp.  This is the kind of picture that restores your faith in humanity, isn’t it?

[Ear and/or eyemuff your children if you're going to click after the jump. And if you're letting your kids read my blog, there's something wrong with your mind-head]

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