Omigod, did you hear? It’s like, totally canceled because that Pastor Guy and Some Muslim Guy made a deal! 
This is totally serious, y’all. So you know how that guy, Jim Jones, or Terry Jones, or The Pastor in Mrs. Jones was gonna burn all those Korans?
What? Yeah! Duh! I know that’s not how it’s really spelled, but this here is America and we don’t believe in apostrophe’s.
Anyways, so that Pastor Florida dude was gonna burn a bunch of Carans and whatnot because he thinks Islam is, like, totally evil and stuff. He thinks it’s the religion of the devil.
And he thinks Obama is totally Muslim which means Obama is the devil and maybe Pastor Jones is just worried that, like, the Devil has been in Mrs. Jones or something. I don’t know! I’m just sayin’.
But basically, he’s on Team We Hate Islam and also on Team Jesus which kinda doesn’t make sense since Jesus loved, like, everybody and stuff. Even that whore lady, Mary Margarita or whatever. Plus he used to build stuff with wood; it’s called carpentry or whatever. He was like the first guy to think of Habitat for Humanity. Plus he wore sandals. People who wear sandals don’t hate anybody. They just wanna wear sandals (sometimes with socks) and be left alone.
I mean, come on! Jesus was the man! He would turn water into wine and everybody wanted to party with Jesus, like all the time.
So this Pastor Guy was gonna burn some Koranz, right? And everybody was all, “Dude, seriously? That is so not a good idea.”
General Petraeus went on television and was all, “ON YOUR FEET! That is so not a good idea.”
Obama held a press conference and was like, “Let me be clear: That is so not a good idea.”
And then India was all like, “Pastor-ji. This is not being so good an idea only.”
And Britain was all, “fuh fuh fuh, That is so not a bloody brilliant idea.”
And France was all, “Stoopid Amereeckins. C’est so not a bonne idée!”
And Israel was all, “Oy vey, really? With the books and the burning? Uch, probably not so good an idea… and would it kill you to call your mother? You should eat something. You look skinny.”
And Sarah Palin was all, “::wink:: It’s so not a good idea, but neither is the Ground Zero mosque because it’s the same thing1, you betcha! Now who wants a moose burger!?”
And Iran was like, “BEST.IDEA.EVER.”
So… anyways, Pastor Crapface says he’s not gonna burn some Corans because he made a deal with the Ground Zero mosque people! The Ground Zero mosque is going to relocate (or like, blow itself up, or whatever, who cares, right?) and Pastor Moustache says he’s not gonna hold his book burnin’.
So hooray! Except not: Continue reading →
