In a stunning display of Teabilly slacktivism, Palinites are planning to block traffic for an hour in order to – to – well what the fuck do I know what they’re doing it for:1
Sarah Palin called the Obama Administration’s actions as [sic] the “Road to Ruin”! [Uh, no. The Road to Ruin broke ground when you were born. Heyo!] Like most of the USA now, we at Stand Up America think it is a great way to express yourself and learn what is really happening to our country , so what can we do? [Let me get this straight: You think that pulling one’s car over to the side of the road is a great way to learn what is really happening to our country? Like, seriously? Are you planning on reading a history book while you sit there blocking traffic? Besides, I doubt you can find five Teabillies who think that sitting on the side of the road on a Sunday afternoon is a great way to express themselves. I suppose we should be thankful -- it's less frightening than the traditional Teabilly method, which is to show up to a rally armed to the teeth with guns and misspelled signs. So thanks for deciding simply to pull your cars over to the side of the road and just sit there pretending to make phone calls as opposed to, I don’t know, blowing cars up on the side of the road. (P.S., if you’re doing that last thing I mentioned, call me! I’ve always wanted to blow up a car for freedom.)]
Well, it seems the normal methods do not work because of entrenched political machinery, moneyed interests, power seeking for power’s sake, and a media that is just plan [sic] in the tank. [Toilet or fish?]
In the past, petitions were signed, marches on Washington and elsewhere were held [I remember the great civil rights March on Washington and Elsewhere -- those were heady times], Tea Parties were created [by the Kochsuckers], letters were written [in broken Teabilly English], calls were made [using tin cans and string], new representatives were elected, yet, the road to ruin is still there [where, exactly?], and the Obama Administration has the pedal to the floor, the speedometer is pegged, and there are no brakes. [Talk about metaphor salad. Crikey. "The Obama Administration is on the road to ruin, leading a gift horse to water, looking in its mouth, and making it drink soshulism!] All our efforts have for the most part FAILED! [Oh no, you’re wrong there – they have ENTIRELY failed.]
So how do we make our voices known? [There are known voices and unknown voices, and you will hear us by the trail of dead.] How do we finally succeed? [Never gonna happen.] How do we send a clear message that cannot be twisted by the media, misinterpreted by politicians, or co-opted by Obama apologists? [Hey, you can have this one. We Obots have better shit to do than pull our fancy elitist arugula-fueled cars over to the side of the road and just sit there.] Well, we have come up with one interesting new way. [You're overselling it.] Are you game? It won’t cost you any money short of a gallon of gas. It won’t take much of your time, only about an hour. It won’t mean travel to distant cities. It won’t mean crowds to wade through, and it won’t interfere with your life too much. [Shorter: It won’t mean DOING ANYTHING OF VALUE and you'll be home in time for Leno.]2
What it will be is FUN [and by "FUN" we mean "ASININE"], and a great way to vent your frustration [also a great way to vent carbon monoxide into your car ::crosses fingers::], without being labeled [jackass], or maligned [descended from a clan of jackasses]!
Here is what is planned: (If you don’t value your brain cells, click to continue)