I’ve heard of Hitler cats, but Hitler goldfish?
Fish fans Chris Schatynski, 27, and wife Sarah, 29, placed the little critter in their tank after four-year-old daughter Ellena won him at a fair.
Only then did they see his resemblance to Nazi tyrant Adolf.
Sarah, of Stockport, Gtr Manchester, said: “I was afraid he’d try to take over the tank, but he hasn’t yet.”
Uncanny, no?
Posted in Weird Ass Shenanigans, What the Crap!?
I had the distinguished honor of writing a post for Pajiba today. Every week Pajiba highlights the Eloquence of their Eloquents. Basically, it’s a “Dayum, these commenters are awesome sauce” post. For those of you who remember me from Thundersquee! (R.I.P.), think of Eloquent Eloquence as the Pajiba version of Best in Squee!
Anywhoozle, for my temp job as Eloquent Overlord (thanks figgy!), I wrote a little story! Wanna read it?; here it goes1:
We Cannot Forget About Chip Hitler Continue reading
Posted in I Am Batshit Insane, Miscellany, Personal Tales
Tagged Chip Hitler, Hitler, Pajiba, STEVE, STEVE HOLT!
This is what I will look like when I'm an old white lady.
Time Warner, you are a lying sack of shit. I had a cable appointment today; I had to be home from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. Why did I have an appointment? Because my wireless fucking sucks. Do you know how badly it sucks? I’m using my neighbor’s wireless because hers exactly does not suck.
And hey, Time Warner? I haven’t slept. Long story short, I didn’t go to bed.
So I’ve been sitting here ALL DAY, except for a brief period of time when I took my dog for a motherfucking walk. Do you know what time that was? What do you mean, what time what was. What time I took the dog for a walk, asshole.
It was at 11:06 a.m. I know this because I called my friend straight cakin’ son at 11:06 a.m. right when I walked out of the door.
What? Because my iPhone says I made the call at 11:06 a.m., THAT’S HOW I KNOW! GOSH!
Anyway, I was back by 11:37 a.m. because that’s when my friend, let’s use the name Magical Zebra, called to say he’d be coming by for a spell. I was at home when I answered that call. I then watched the rest of the Australia/Germany soccer footie game. Way to go Germany. You won, 4-0. Hitler still sucks.
Now I’m sitting here watching some infomercial about some white people who are trying to lose weight. Oh wait. There’s a black guy. Nice abs, black guy!
Oh god, where is the fucking remote.
So, at 1:50 p.m. my phone rings. I ignore it, as I do all Unknown and Blocked calls, all 1-800 and 1-888 calls, all calls that don’t have a contact name attached to them, as well as all other calls.
(I’m in heavy call ignore mode these days. It’s election season, and the damn Democrats and environmentalists won’t leave me the fuck alone. I even got a mailer from the NRA. It’s like the postal service doesn’t know me at all.)
This call is not like the others; this call goes to voicemail. (Those pussy telemarketers or charity seekers, or whatever don’t have the stones to leave a message; if they left a message, i’d set that fucking mesage on fire.) So I listen to the message. It’s some asshat from Time Warner saying that their technician showed up at my door and that no one was home.
Posted in Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Please Die in a Fire
Tagged asshats, die in a fire, fuckery, Germany, Hitler, Time Warner, Tirades
Gay rights activists, and people with common sense, have been beating the “Repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” drum every since Obama was inaugurated. Obama has been fairly nonchalant about it and has been pissing people off. I’ve always thought that it was just one of those things he was going to get to eventually, after the stimulus, passing the healthcare bill, taking on Wall Street, and now the fucking oil spill that is still gushing. Rightfully, however, activists were not satisfied and began to push lawmakers to do something about it NOW, before the Republicans retake the House in November. (Which, let’s face it… they probably will.)
So, an amendment was added to this year’s Defense Authorization bill, which is basically the big ass defense spending budget. The amendment repeals the ban on gays being really fucking gay in the military. No more “Are you gay, dude? Wait, wait, don’t tell me.” It’s gonna be straight up feather boas and perfectly coiffed hair in the military from here on out, y’all! Why? Because stereotypes are AWESOME.
Predictably, the right is freaking right the fuck out. Why? Because of course they are.
Right wing hate group “America’s Survival” portends that “disease-tainted gay blood threatens our troops.” You know. Because all gay people have AIDS and stuff.
The Family Council is wringing its collective hands too, worried that the repeal of DADT “will turn the U.S. military into a terrifying free-rape zone”, and that heterosexual service members “will be fellated in their sleep against their will.”
Seriously. This is how these asshats think.
First of all, the military already is a free-rape zone: One in every three female service members is sexually assaulted. Second of all, not all heterosexual service members have penises that are ripe for the fellatin’. So there’s that. There’s also this: STOP BEING SUCH A BIGOTED ASSHAT. Continue reading
I’m swamped this week, but work, life, and, indeed, time stand still when it comes to super sweet grammar-related hilarity.
To wit,
[via Pajiba]
Posted in A Wee Bit O' Hilarity
Tagged bad grammar makes me [sic], College Humor, Germans, grammar, grammar Nazi, Hitler, Pajiba, videos
It doesn’t matter where you stand on healthcare reform, I think we can all agree that running around waving pictures of Obama defaced to look like Hitler, or referring to healthcare reform as a “Nazi policy” is abjectly stupid. with a capital OOPID.
And, if you’ve been avidly following these fuckwits at the townhall debates, you might know that some conservative doosh yelled “Heil Hitler!” to a Jew– an Israeli–who was asking a question about healthcare reform in a townhall meeting in Las Vegas. From Gawker:
Unalloyed xenophobic rage presents a challenge similar to one posed by habitual lying-just as it’s hard to keep up with one’s own falsehoods, it’s difficult to remember whether shouting “Heil Hitler!” at a Jew is good or bad.
Take, for instance, this woman at a healthcare town hall sponsored by a Las Vegas radio station. After watching an Israeli immigrant to the United States praise his homeland’s government-run healthcare system, she is moved to respond, “Heil Hitler!”
What does that mean? Well, it could mean “Heil Hitler, you Jew, you are a subhuman blood-sucker,” a sentiment common to right-wing extremists who actively seek the violent overthrow of the federal government. Or it could mean, “By supporting government-run healthcare, sir, you may as well be shouting ‘Heil Hitler,’ because you are supporting Barack Obama, who is a Nazi”-a sentiment also common to right-wing extremists who actively seek the violent overthrow of the federal government. You see the problem? The feverish, paranoid snake that is contemporary right-wing political thought has begun to eat its own tail, and the swamp is full of anti-Semites and Nazi-haters who both seek the same thing-a return to the “real America.”
As you can see from the look of terror that crosses this woman’s face when the Israeli challenges her-”I’m a Jew! You’re telling me, ‘Heil Hitler’? Shame of you!”-she appears to have briefly forgotten which one she is. In the most cosmic of ironies, she is wearing an Israeli Defense Forces t-shirt, so it’s not likely that she’s a rabid neo-Nazi. Still, you can see in her eyes that she is frantically checking an exhaustive catalog of political outrages in the back of her mind-which is worse, supporting healthcare reform, or yelling “Heil Hitler” at a Jew?
She quickly decides that it’s the former, and tells the Israeli that, as a Jew, he should be more frightened than anyone of Obama’s policies. It’s about as comprehensive a tangle of our current political dynamic as we’ve seen-a middle-aged white woman who seems to believe that Jews are good to the extent that Israel is good because Israel kills Arabs but bad to the extent that one of them supports socialized medicine shouts “Heil Hitler” at an Israeli because Hitler was bad to the extent that he was like Obama but was also good to the extent that he was against Communist Jews. It’s taxing to remember where the political lines are drawn when the only thing you care about is hating the president.
Is this what we’ve turned into? A nation of idiots who can’t have a serious debate about a divisive political issue without resorting to violence, name calling, racism, xenophobia, and ethnocentrism?
I have to say, I totally support how Barney Frank responded to this woman. She’s an idiot and deserves to be treated as such, n’est-ce pas?
Hitler was an asshole. We all know that. Asshole is an understatement, really, when one is talking about a man who slaughtered millions of Jews, gays, Gypsies, and political dissidents just because his mother didn’t hug him enough as a child.
But, cutting down a tree more than 50 years after it was planted because you just found out the tree was planted to commemorate Hitler’s birthday? Well, that’s just stupid.
Maria Krowska, mayor of Jaslo in Poland wants to murder a poor oak tree in the face because it was planted in 1942 to commemorate the birth of Hitler:
Well fine, if you put it that way. But not everyone agrees with the mayor’s decision to yell TIMMMBER!!! According to Kazimierk Polak, who was present at the planting ceremony back in 1942:
“It was 1942 when the Germans brought a seedling of an oak here and planted it in the center of the town with all honors, an army orchestra and salutes. My father told me then that it was Hitler’s birthday and we found out later the seedling had come from Braunau am Inn (in Austria) where Hitler was born. It’s a historic curiosity. What is the oak really guilty of? It’s not the tree’s fault that it was planted here to honor the biggest criminal and enemy of Poland.”
YEAH! It’s not the tree’s fault that Hitler sucked! Is it? What do you think? Cut down the tree or let it be?
Posted in Angry Black Reader Participation, Culture Critic
Tagged Germans, Hitler, Hitler tree, Jews, Poland, the Holocaust
At the risk of starting an ethnic shit storm involving Islam and Judaism (obviously, Jews and Muslims have cornered the market on ethnic shit storms–I’m looking at you Palestine and Israel; y’all are worse than Blacks and Koreans), Angry Black (Jewish) Lady is compelled to point out that it is bullshit that bacon is not an Approved Semitic Meat.
Come on, people. E’rybody knows that Back in the Day (which is about 3 years after Yesteryear and 5 weeks before the Days of Yore), swine was dirty, fools were dying of trichinosis, and that’s the reason that bacon was verboten. (And by “e’rybody knows” I mean “I just made that shit up.”)
But it’s a new day, people. There’s a black man in the White House. It’s time to cast off the religious coils that prohibit us from letting bacon creep onto our breakfast, lunch, and dinner tables.
Bacon is not only delicious, it is useful. This Bacon Weaver, featured in the New York Times Magazine, will likely be on the next season of Project Runway.
What’s so wrong about weaving bacon to make bacon muslin (that’s muslin… with an “n”), and then adding some sausage to it? Nothing, that’s what. And I’m right. Angry Black Lady always is. As my friend Renee once said to me, if you want your bacon to taste more delicious, top it with more bacon.
Posted in Angry Black Lady Chronicles, I Am Batshit Insane
Tagged Angry Black Lady, bacon, bacon is delicious, Hitler, Israel, Jews, Muslims, Palestine, Semites
