That’s Sir Ben Kingsley to you, hoi polloi motherfuckers.
Transformers 3 is coming out soon (blargh!) and Megan Fox won’t be in it. Who knows why, really. Who cares. Either it’s because she’s an ungrateful asshat, or Michael Bay is a misogynistic asshat. Either way, they’re both asshats. That’s what it boils down to. You know who else is an asshat? Heidi Montag. But do you know what she did today that makes her, in my esteemed opinion, just a teensy bit less of an asshat?
She left the Flesh Bearded Wonder.
OK, so she hasn’t left Spencer Pratt, a man even his own mother hates. In fact she hasn’t even come out and said she plans to leave him. But her rep talked to TMZ which means she must have thought about it. Right? Here’s what her rep said: “Heidi is looking to move out due to all the fake bad press that Spencer controls. She’s tired of it and is looking for a place and wants to focus on her acting career.”
Oh, shut your face. I haven’t gone soft. She’s still some sort of ass headgear–an asscap, maybe. But, if the Hollywood murmuring is true, and Spencer has become controlling and abusive, then even if she only thought for a split second about leaving him, and even if she’s only doing it to increase her celebrity, she still deserves to move down a spot on my Official Asshat Ranking Chart. (Yes, I have a chart. No, you may not see it.)*
“What the hell does this have to do with Ben Kingsley?” you may be thinking.
Calm down! I’m getting there! Where’s the fire? Oh that fire? Well, yeah, I set that fire, but it’s not going to spread for at least another 15 minutes, so just relax.