Headed to Shanghai for the world championships in July
Last week, in news that shocked exactly no one, Michael Phelps was named for the U.S. swim team. He will compete in four individual events (200 meters freestyle, 100 and 200 butterfly and 200 individual medley) and up to three relays.
You may not remember Michael Phelps, but he won a metric fuckton1 of gold medals at the Beijing Olympics in 2008. Then he got in a spot of trouble after he was photographed doing hard drugs smoking weed at a party. Quelle horreur!
After Phelps crushed the hopes and dreams of legions of Americans and admitted that he smoked weed (just the one time!), the country clutched its collective pearls, wondering whether Phelps would be able to make a comeback from such a scandal.
And, as a result of this country’s nitwittery when it comes to the weed, Phelps was forced to issue bullshit apologies:
“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”
In response, the United States Olympics Committee was all, “Tsk Tsk! Don’t you know you’re a role model, son!?”: (Clear the smoke and click here)