I was just talking to my friend Jen today about how 99% of society is stupid, regardless of race. Black, white, Asian, Latina, whatever. 99% of you are fucking idiots. This led to a discussion about what to do about such people. We were wondering whether or not idiots should be summarily rounded up and shot. I don’t fancy genocide, so maybe they could be rounded up and shipped off to Antarctica where they would likely freeze to death because they’d be too stupid to figure out a way to survive. Call it natural genocide. “What’s the point?” you may be asking. Well, this; this is my point.College Humor.
P.S. You should check out Jen’s fashion-related blog, Jenuine West.
Further to my “people are idiots” point, consider the Tea Partiers. Their whole reason for protesting is that they don’t want to be taxed to kingdom come. Well turns out, according to GW’s former speechwriter, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. Shocking, I know. Firedoglake.
Everyone is all over Gabourey Sidibe’s ass. First Howard Stern, now Jamie Foxx. She’s too fat. She must have low self-esteem. She looks like Biggie Smalls. Blah blah blah. Let a girl live, dang. Her size has nothing to do with you. And she is more than comfortable with herself. Besides, she may be overweight, but she was also nominated for an Oscar… in the same category as the Grand Dames of Academy Awards, Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren. What the hell have you done today? Average Bro.
Bart Stupak is a whiny bitch. He’s been spreading lies about how the health care reform bill will use federal funds for abortions. It’s not true. It’s a lie. A falsehood. He’s also been complaining about all the press he’s been getting for lying his fool head off. Well, 59,000 nuns finally spoke up and told old Bart to shut his face. They are in favor of the health care reform bill. Bart’s response? I don’t listen to you, silly lady priests. I listen to the Catholic male leadership and it’s they who will tell women what to do with their bodies. So get thee back to a nunnery. Wonkette.
I knew I liked Australia for a reason, and not just because of Hugh Jackman: “A television comedy series about a bong-smoking dog that has sex with a cat and a teddy bear has received $1.5 million of federal and state taxpayers’ money.” Catch you bitches later, I have a plane to catch. Warming Glow.
Some crazy ass lady in New Jersey wants to be the fattest woman in the history of whatever. Weighing in at 600 pounds, she ultimately wants to tip the scales at 1000 pounds. She eats 12,000 calories a day and her weekly food bill is 750 dollars. What the hell is wrong with people? This woman is stupid. And she will be summarily shipped off to Antarctica with the rest of the stoopids. Zelda Lily.
Those of you who followed me over from Thundersquee! know that we used to hand out weekly comment awards. “Best in Squee!” we called it. It was always fun picking the winners. Squeeple are some funny people. So, what is almost as fun as picking winners? Being a winner yourself! Which I was! Last week! On Pajiba! So excuse me, while I high five myself for tying for number two for my Eloquent Eloquence. Pajiba.
I hate talking on the phone. I rarely do it. And when I do, believe you me, I will find some way to hang up on your ass. “Oops, going through a tunnel…” “I’m about to head in to an elevator!” So yeah. Talking on the phone sucks. The Oatmeal.
My friend mme marbles requested that I blog about Katherine Heigl’s latest wardrobe malfunction at some award show I don’t give a shit about: “Could you please blog about how i want to punch her in her big stupid fat stupid face??” I can’t stand Katherine Heigl’s hypocritical bitch ass either, but I said that maybe now that she’s adopted a bunch of dogs and a Korean baby, Heigl has redeemed herself. Not according to mme marbles: “I bet she already threw that korean baby out with the trash once she realized it wasn’t getting her enough attention.” Heh. Celebitchy.
You know what my dog wishes? He wishes he had a bunghole cover. Except for he doesn’t. The Nerdist.
This is exactly awesome. Some dude on flickr is painting one dollar bills, to hilarious effect. This Blog Rules.
Well, this is just heart warming as hell. A dog in Israel, Hoppa, was born without front legs. Ignoring suggestions that the dog should be put down, Avi Kozi, chairman of Israel’s Society for the Protection of Animals adopted the little doggie. Four years later, Nir Shalom, a genius of an art student/dog lover developed a prosthetic device that enables Hoppa to roam freely. Or should I say, “roll freely.”
You’ve probably all heard by now about the fucking ridiculous Supreme Court ruling that rolled back 100 years of campaign finance reform and essentially allows corporations to throw as much money into the campaign process as they want to. You know…because corporations are people, just like you and me. Let me put it to you like this: As of June 2008, Obama had raised nearly 265 million dollars in private donations mostly via regular people donating small amounts. As of that same time frame, McCain had only raised about 97 million. That’s all going to change now. Basically, our voices are going to be drowned out by the voices of corporations. USA…brought to you by Carl’s Jr. Slate.
You know what bothers me more than Heidi Montag being a veign celbrity? Bad spelling. Regretsy.
“Pigs are fast, fornicating, fantastic creatures who stink of rancid awesomeness.” Also? They are delicious. The Oatmeal.
Here’s a live stream of the Hope for Haiti Now telethon. If you haven’t donated anything, what’s wrong with you? Seriously. You have 5 dollars, don’t you? Gawker.
But if you do donate, maybe stay away from Wyclef’s Yele Organization. Let’s just say he may not be on the up and up. Gawker.
Amazing dog rescue from a California river. Jezebel.
Seriously, y’all. Donate something to Haiti. It’s the right thing to do.