Rememeber how Tiki Barber up and left his wife when she was eight months pregnant for a 23-year-old NBC intern? And remember how Tiki got fired from NBC and then was unable to pay his divorce settlement?
Well, he has filed papers with the NFL so he can play teh footballs again. Why? Because he’s broke, son:
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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Sports Shenanigans
Tagged adultery, asshats, Celebrity Asshat Brigade, cheaters, divorce, Giants, NFL, Sports, Tiki Barber, Traci Lynn Johnson
I’m busy, y’all. Like, hella busy. In lieu of any “real posts” today, please accept this wee bit o’ hilarity.
Deitra Hicks, who has starred in Tyler Perry stage productions of What Happens in the Dark and Medea’s Family Reunion, apparently has a serious anger problem and used to physically abuse her husband. Now she sings when she’s pissed.
As seen on Ellen:
[full clip after the jump] Continue reading
Posted in A Wee Bit O' Hilarity
Tagged Deitra Hicks, divorce, Divorce Court, Ellen, Ellen DeGeneres, Tyler Perry, videos
Tiki Barber is a big fat hypocrite, and a gaseous asshat. Back In April, he left his wife for a 23 year old NBC intern and earned his first scarlet A.1 He earned another scarlet A for leaving his wife when she was 8 months pregnant with twins. Then he earned his scarlet H2 after it turned out that he held a grudge against his father because his father left his family:
“I don’t give a [bleep] that the relationship didn’t work,” he said of his parents’ split in a 2004 Post interview. “Not only did he abandon her, I felt like he abandoned us for a lot of our lives. I have a hard time forgiving that.”
Way to go, jackass.
His (ex)-wife Ginny filed for divorce in April and banned him from the delivery room when she gave birth to their twins in May. Then in June, after Tiki lost his $300,000 contract with NBC pursuant to a morality clause which provides that stars cannot be involved in public scandals, he complained to the press that he’s broke and unable to pay his ex-wife the settlement she needs to take care of their kids. So, he’s broke, he can’t afford to pay his divorce settlement, and now, he’s hiring a PR firm? Really?
Duh and/or hello?
What is with these celebrities who act all shocked when the shit goes down? If you’re going to do some shady shit, you can expect that it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass. And if you do shady shit and you get caught, then FIX IT! Don’t run to the press. Don’t whine about how you’re poor. Don’t hide away with your 23 year old girlfriend who is probably expecting you to be able to shower her with diamonds and pearls. Go fix your family, take care of your kids, and get your shit straight. If you do that, then you won’t need to hire a PR firm to repair your image.
Dang, even Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband Jesse James had the sense to pretend to be sorry by going to Asshat Rehab. Hell, even Jon Gosselin became Jewish for a hot minute.
Quit complaining, and FIX IT!
Why does no one listen to me? I’ve got answers, people:
It’s not rocket science, it’s a simple three-step process: Step 1 – FIX; Step 2- IT; Step 3- FIX IT!!!
[videos after the jump]
Tiger’s wife is leaving him, y’all. She may get up to 750 million dollars in the divorce. Crikey! And you can bet your ass her lawyers are watching Tiger like a hawk. Heh.
From US Weekly,
“Elin’s building a character case [based on his serial philandering],” the insider says. “Elin’s team is watching [Tiger's] every move.”
Her goal? “She wants more money than Michael Jordan’s ex got,” another source says, referring to the former NBA star’s $168 million payout to his ex-wife.
As for custody of the kids Sam, 2, and Charlie, 15 months, “They’ll share it,” says the insider.
“But she wants permission to take them to Sweden whenever she wants.”
I want to be able to go to Sweden whenever I want. Sweden is cool. With the lingonberries and the pirates and the other stuff.
I also want 750 million dollars. So, if anyone has that. Or even, like, 1 million dollars, give me a call.
Five dollars? I’ll take 5 dollars.
Fine, just give me a quarter and we’ll call it even.
Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon isn’t take her cheating ass husband’s shenannies lying down… so to speak. She called his ass out and went straight to the New York Post.
You know how in any small town there’s always some lady, let’s call her Mrs. Busybody, who sits on her front porch in her rocking chair, petting a mangy ass cat, and just observing the goings on in town: “Oh looky here, Mrs. Smith got a new dress. She looks like a bit of a tart if you ask me. But it’s none of my business. If she wants to step out looking like a common streetwalker, who am I to say anything about it?”
“Oooh, what have we here? Is that Mr. Jones leaving Mrs. Smith’s house at 2 in the afternoon? I do believe Mrs. Jones is at her book club meeting and Mr. Jones should be at work. I wonder what they were doing. Oh it’s none of my business. They were probably having relations. You know how the kids like to do these days. Well, I’m not going to pay it no never mind. Like I said, it’s not my business.”
But we all know that her inner monologue is a damn liar because at the end of the day, Mrs. Busybody picks up her rotary phone and starts making calls. She can’t for the life of her remember where she put her bifocals, but dadgummit, Mrs. Busybody remembers every damn thing that every damn person in town did that day whilst she was innocently sitting on her porch pretending to be too old and deaf to know what the hell is going on around her. So Mrs. Busybody is calling fools. And those fools are calling fools. And pretty soon, Mr. Jones and Mrs. Smith are walking around town with scarlet letters affixed to their jackets.
What’s my point? My point is that the New York Post is the Mrs. Busybody of newspapers. If the New York Post gets a tip, you can bet your boob job that shit is going to spread like wildfire. Hell, most of the time the “tips” come from publicists. In fact, it’s barely appropriate to call the New York Post a newspaper, but hey, who am I? Just some crazy black lady typing straight awesome on her super sweet computer.
But back to Garcelle:
“What do they have in common… I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 years has been having an affair for 5 years with some slut in Chicago,” the letter, which appeared in Page Six, reads. “I am devastated!!!! And I have been duped!! Our boys don’t deserve this!” She continued, referring to the couple’s two-year-old twin boys, Jax Joseph and Jaid Thomas.
What the what? How you gonna get married and then cheat on your wife for FIVE YEARS???
Ex-Giant is Giant DoucheDamn, Tiki! Really? You’re just gonna up and leave your pregnant wife for some 23 year old blonde chick? Dang.
I really used to like Tiki Barber. He seemed like a stand up guy. Married eleven years, involved in charitable crap, and super hot. That’s really the important thing here. Like, SUPER HOT.
But this week, Tiki up and left his wife. Who was pregnant. Eight months pregnant. WITH TWINS. He left his pregnant ass wife of eleven years and their two children, ages 6 and 7. For a 23 year old. That’s Klassy with a capital K:
Barber, who is believed to have to have relocated to an Upper West Side bachelor paid, released a statement yesterday in response to a Page Six item announcing the split.
“After 11 years of marriage, Ginny and I have decided to separate,” Barber said. “This decision was a painful one, but we are moving forward amicably and will continue to work together to raise our children with the love and dedication they have always known.”
What the what?! Really? You’re gonna leave your wife when she’s eight months pregnant for an NBC intern?
You chose this...
Over this and your 4 friggin' kids?
Look, I don’t know the story. Heck, maybe his wife was crazy. Maybe they’d been having problems for a while. But all I’m sayin’ is, stick around for a month so you can be there when your damn twins are born. I mean, COME ON.
And whatever the hell was going on in their marriage, turns out Tiki is a big ol’ hypocrite. When his cheater cheater pumpkin eater father left his family, this is what Tiki had to say in 2004:
“I don’t give a [bleep] that the relationship didn’t work,” he said of his parents’ split in a 2004 Post interview. “Not only did he abandon her, I felt like he abandoned us for a lot of our lives. I have a hard time forgiving that.”
And in his 2007 memoir, he had this to say:
“I want to be an honorable man, because that’s what I want them both to be. My family is everything to me.”
Apparently, getting some ass from some young chippy is more important to you than family. Like father like son.
Good job, Tiki. You just joined the Celebrity Asshat Brigade.
[via New York Post]
I'm swimming in misery. And probably STDs.
So remember how there were rumors about a potential nasty sex tape mit Nazis and poo, and I was all “NO WAI!”?
Remember? It was yesterday. Well, 75% of you voters were correct. Well, it’s not really 75% of “you voters,” since you were allowed to select more than one answer. I guess it would be 75% of the answers of whomever the hell was voting.
Look, I’m not a mathematician. I don’t know how this all works. The one thing I do know, is that I know exactly Jack and Taco about percentages, fractions, and statistics. Seriously. I had the chicken pox when they taught fractions and it’s been my cross-eyed bear ever since. My failure is only compounded by the fact that my dad taught statistics at Howard University back in the 80s. Sorry, pops.
But I digress.
Which is not unusual.
Um, what were we talking about?
Oh right. Nazis and poop.
They go hand in hand like peas and carrots? MIRITE? What? I don’t know. No, YOU SHUT UP.
Moving on…
Today, Sandra told People that the whole sex tape thing is a damned lie. A lie, I say! Well, she says:
Sandra Bullock has broken her silence during her marriage crisis, denying an Internet report there’s a sex tape with her and husband Jesse James.
“There is no sex tape,” she says in a statement to PEOPLE on Tuesday. “There never has been one and there never will be one.”
Until now, Bullock, 45, had not commented, remaining in seclusion since reports surfaced that James, 40, allegedly had cheated on her with at least four other women.
So there.
Damn the tapes!
And the apes. Whatever happens, you must always damn the apes.
Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans
Tagged cheaters, divorce, Grosser Than Gross, Jesse James, Nazis, Sandra Bullock, Sex Tape
Well, since I’ve been all over the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James story like stink on shit (this pun will become funny in about 3 seconds), I might as well do my part to bolster more rumor mongering and gossip.
Ready? Set? EW!!!!!:
Cheating Jesse James filmed himself having sex with his superstar wife Sandra Bullock, according to a bombshell new report.
The alleged tape reportedly includes James smearing feces on Bullock’s upper lip during various types of anal sex, lots of profanity hurled from both parties, and a leather clad James, sporting a Hitler mustache with brown hat with a swastika, ramming a handcuffed Bullock’s bottom with a shotgun in his left hand.
Hopefully that’s not true.
Yeah, you think? The source for this ridonkulous tale of poo and Nazis is Ian Halperin who has written a “tell all” book about everyone from James Taylor to Michael Jackson. So, pardon me if I don’t immediately believe the latest scatological nonsense from him.
Now, if it were Heidi Montag? Yeah. I’d believe it. Her Playboy cover is one indication that she’s got some shitty sensibilities. Besides, Jesus loves poo. Right, Heidi?
Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.(H/T straight cakin’ son!)
[via Showbiz Spy]
This guy is a real piece of work. First, there’s the pictures of him wearing an SS Officer’s hat while giving the “sieg heil” Nazi salute. Always classy.
Second, there’s the “I Wanna be like Tiger” trip to rehab. Yep. Jesse James is now in rehab–the same one Tiger Woods went to (and, incidentally, the same one that Sandra Bullock’s character in 28 Days went to). He’s rumored to be begging Sandra not to divorce him. Apparently, he actually told her that he would go to rehab “Just like Tiger did” if she would stay.
Sandra is rumored to be telling him to fuck right off. She’s filing for divorce and not going to attempt to get some sort of custody arrangements so she can stay in touch with his kids. So he drove his own ass to rehab to show the public he’s, like, totally serious about not being a neo-Nazi fuckhead, you guys:
James drove himself to the Sierra Tucson retreat in Arizona– the same rehab center that Tiger Woods went to– on Monday and immediately enrolled for what is understood to be sex addiction.
“James was very quiet and sullen when he checked himself in on Monday and he didn’t really talk with anyone,” an insider told RadarOnline.com. “He will be there for at least 45 days as he tries to get his life back on track.”
Come on dude, seriously? As his third and fourth mistresses come crawling out of the woodwork, does he really think that she’s going to take him back? After a short stint in rehab? Give me a fucking break. Does he think she’s stupid or something? Besides, she’s the moneymaker in this situation. In Tiger’s situation, he was the moneymaker. So you know… apple, meet orange.
But it gets worse. Much worse. The National Enquirer is about to drop a bomb: James has been involved in a dog fighting ring. And yes, I believe the National Enquirer at this point. The Enquirer called the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter scandal about a year before it broke. It’s a bullshit paper that has a lot of weird shit about alien babies and Sarah Palin being Sasquatch, but a lot of their celebrity gossip turns out to be true. Besides, Jesse James looks like the sort of motherfucker who would force his poor dogs to fight.) So let the preemptive rumor-mongering begin!
Jesse James may have entered rehab to stave off a divorce from Sandra Bullock but that’s the least of his problems as a horrible new scandal has emerged. He’s accused of outrageous cruelty involving his pet dogs!
Two of Jesse’s favorite pit bulls fought in a bloody battle to the death – and Jesse’s terrified dog Rudy was ripped apart in the savage attack that tore a leg almost completely from his body.
Shockingly, the tattooed TV mechanic treats the vicious encounter as a big joke, charge sources.
“Sandra was horrified and in tears when she first heard what had happened to those animals,” said an insider.
“She believed he was this gentle biker with a heart of gold. But if he can let this sort of thing happen to his dogs, that tells you who he really is – Jesse IS heartless.”
Kaiser at Celebitchy astutely points out that this dog fighting bullshit is the likely reason that James’ pit bull Cinnabun kept running away.
I’m disgusted. I’m too disgusted to even rant about it.
So instead, I’ll point you to an open letter that my friend Lily the Pink wrote when the Philadelphia Eagles decided to sign Michael Vick’s stupid dog fighting ass. Read it. It’s gold. You can find an Angry Black Rant that I wrote in the comment section of that post.
And then when you’re done with all of that, go outside and set something on fire.
[via Celebitchy and Gawker]
