Jesse James has an acute case of Michael Vick-itis. Oh, and he also might be a neo-Nazi.
This guy is a real piece of work. First, there’s the pictures of him wearing an SS Officer’s hat while giving the “sieg heil” Nazi salute. Always classy.
Second, there’s the “I Wanna be like Tiger” trip to rehab. Yep. Jesse James is now in rehab–the same one Tiger Woods went to (and, incidentally, the same one that Sandra Bullock’s character in 28 Days went to). He’s rumored to be begging Sandra not to divorce him. Apparently, he actually told her that he would go to rehab “Just like Tiger did” if she would stay.
Sandra is rumored to be telling him to fuck right off. She’s filing for divorce and not going to attempt to get some sort of custody arrangements so she can stay in touch with his kids. So he drove his own ass to rehab to show the public he’s, like, totally serious about not being a neo-Nazi fuckhead, you guys:
James drove himself to the Sierra Tucson retreat in Arizona– the same rehab center that Tiger Woods went to– on Monday and immediately enrolled for what is understood to be sex addiction.
“James was very quiet and sullen when he checked himself in on Monday and he didn’t really talk with anyone,” an insider told RadarOnline.com. “He will be there for at least 45 days as he tries to get his life back on track.”
Come on dude, seriously? As his third and fourth mistresses come crawling out of the woodwork, does he really think that she’s going to take him back? After a short stint in rehab? Give me a fucking break. Does he think she’s stupid or something? Besides, she’s the moneymaker in this situation. In Tiger’s situation, he was the moneymaker. So you know… apple, meet orange.
But it gets worse. Much worse. The National Enquirer is about to drop a bomb: James has been involved in a dog fighting ring. And yes, I believe the National Enquirer at this point. The Enquirer called the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter scandal about a year before it broke. It’s a bullshit paper that has a lot of weird shit about alien babies and Sarah Palin being Sasquatch, but a lot of their celebrity gossip turns out to be true. Besides, Jesse James looks like the sort of motherfucker who would force his poor dogs to fight.) So let the preemptive rumor-mongering begin!
Jesse James may have entered rehab to stave off a divorce from Sandra Bullock but that’s the least of his problems as a horrible new scandal has emerged. He’s accused of outrageous cruelty involving his pet dogs!
Two of Jesse’s favorite pit bulls fought in a bloody battle to the death – and Jesse’s terrified dog Rudy was ripped apart in the savage attack that tore a leg almost completely from his body.
Shockingly, the tattooed TV mechanic treats the vicious encounter as a big joke, charge sources.
“Sandra was horrified and in tears when she first heard what had happened to those animals,” said an insider.
“She believed he was this gentle biker with a heart of gold. But if he can let this sort of thing happen to his dogs, that tells you who he really is – Jesse IS heartless.”
Kaiser at Celebitchy astutely points out that this dog fighting bullshit is the likely reason that James’ pit bull Cinnabun kept running away.
I’m disgusted. I’m too disgusted to even rant about it.
So instead, I’ll point you to an open letter that my friend Lily the Pink wrote when the Philadelphia Eagles decided to sign Michael Vick’s stupid dog fighting ass. Read it. It’s gold. You can find an Angry Black Rant that I wrote in the comment section of that post.
And then when you’re done with all of that, go outside and set something on fire.
[via Celebitchy and Gawker]