Hey, bitchez. ‘Sup? I’ve been busy as hell planning the wedding and deciding on the important issues to pimp for my candidacy. You have probably heard the news that Stephen Colbert has formed a Super PAC so that he can….do something or the other. As he is a TV personality, he has to be careful not to violate his contract with Viacom. There are rules and some such (I don’t have to worry as I am not on the TV machine), and he was very scrupulous to skirt the ethical line. Much like Sarah Palin is doing.
BWAHAHAHAH. I just put Sarah Palin near the word ethical. That slays me.
Brief aside: Pssssst, MSM. She’s not running. She’s leading you around by the balls noses, and you’re allowing her to do it. Wah, wah, wah, she won’t tell us where she’s going or what she’s doing. It’s sooooo dangerous for us to have to chase her around the country like this!
You know what? You can CHOOSE not to do it! I know it sounds crazy, but, hear me out. The minute you stop chasing after her like dogs in heat, she’ll come running after you. She lives for the limelight (and the mad monies she makes off of it), and she needs you as much as you seem to need her. And, she’s a spoiled brat at heart, so if you stop giving her the attention she so craves, she will be pleading with you to give her five more minutes on the TV machine.
But, I digress, as usual. Back to Stephen Colbert and his Super PAC1. It would seem to me, and I have to phrase this carefully so as to not get him in trouble, that Colbert has a bus tour in his very near future2. I know he’s done the bus tour before, so I fully expect him to do it again.
That got me thinking. Sure, I would be a better candidate than any of the Republican candidates because of despite my lack of experience. Sure, I am charismatic and can give starbursts galore. And sure, I got tits and tats to titillate the masses. You know what I don’t have, though? Name recognition3. In this day and age, if you don’t have name recognition, you don’t have shiitake4.
(Click for more of my brilliant and crazy plan!)
