Tag Archives: anchor babies

Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert: The only people who are *this* vehemently anti-gay are gay.

Posted on December 16, 2010 by | Leave a comment

Countdown to Gohmert gay sex scandal in 3… 2 … 1 

This evening, the House voted to approve a stand-alone measure that would allow the Senate to do jack shit repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.  Almost everybody either actively wants DADT to be repealed, or actively doesn’t give a crap whether or not it’s repealed.

Service members have been surveyed. Pentagon studies have been conducted and re-conducted.  The American people have been polled, re-polled, and omni-polled.    Pepaw McCain has been reanimated to voice his ghoulish disapproval.

And the consensus is clear: Repeal this stupid fucking law already.

But good ol’ Louie Gohmert (R-Tex) ain’t havin’ it.  He’s downright concerned, y’all.  This time, he’s not concerned about the little brown terrorists that are breeding in the wombs of every Muslin Puerto Mexican woman, incubating-in-wait until they are fully formed and ready to blow our shit up. (He has evidence!  Anker babiezz are ferreals, y’all! It’s already happening!)

No, citizens.  This time, he’s worried about the utter destruction of civilization as we know it.

You know how they always say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day?” Well, what they don’t want you to know is that Rome was brought down by the gay.1

But Gohmert knows.  He knows that the repeal of DADT will be the downfall of these United States.  This country is going to explode with gay, and we will all be doomed to live our lives in a ring of eternal fire and ass-less chaps.

Our United States flag will no longer be red white and blue; it will be ROYGBIV; and instead of stars and stripes, bedazzled glittery shiny thingies will grace the flag.

He is dead serious about this: If you homos can’t control your hormones, we are all going to die in a hot gay fire; so get it together, will you?

GOHMERT: To my friend who said that history would judge us poorly, I would submit if you would look thoroughly at history — and I’m not saying it’s cause and effect — but when militaries throughout history of the greatest nations in the world have adopted the policy that “fine for homosexuality to be overt” — you can keep it private and control your hormones fine, if you can’t, that’s fine too — they’re toward the end of their existence as a great nation.

[videos after the jump] Continue reading →

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Posted in Balloon Juice Cross-Posts, Culture Critic, LGBTQ Shenanigans, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans

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Louie Gohmert (R-Tex): Still Fucking Crazy.

Posted on August 18, 2010 by | Leave a comment

Seriously, Texas.  Get it together.  You’re approaching Arizona levels of crazy.

Louie Gohmert is nuts.  And shouty.  Remember how I told you that Gohmert was convinced that Muslim babies are going to blow us to high heaven?  Well, Anderson Cooper aka the Silver Fox talked to some FBI guys about it, and they were all, “WTF?!  That doesn’t even make any sense.  It is an unsubstantiated claim.”

But, Louie Gohmert doesn’t need any stupid FBI to tell him what he already knows.  There is a gaping hole!  In security!  It exists and no FBI Man is gonna tell him that said gaping hole doesn’t exist.  (Sidenote: What is the deal with conservatives and their concerns about gaping holes?  It’s a little weird, is what I’m sayin’.)

Gohmert knows what he knows.  He has evidence that terror babies or anchor babies are being bred to come and blow our asses up!  Well, he doesn’t have any evidence per se, but he, like really really totally believes that brown babies are the devil’s minions and need to be DESTROYED before they DESTROY US.

Jon Stewart?  Take it away!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Jon Stewart & Anderson Cooper Look at Gaping Holes – Security<a>
www.thedailyshow.com

[watch Gohmert in his full shouty glory(hole) with Anderson Cooper after the jump] Continue reading →

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Posted in Miscellany, Now That's Some Racist Bullsh*t, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans, War on Women

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We Should Totally Repeal the Fourteenth Amendment, Y'all! ARIZONA 4-EVAH!!!

Posted on August 3, 2010 by | Leave a comment

Besides those dirty brown people are screwing it all up for the rest of us.

Attention all Hispanic folks.  Thank you for everything you have done for this country.  Thanks for the burritos, Taco Bell, the cheap labor, the introduction of cholo culture, and roaming taco trucks.  Thanks for wanting to live and work in this country so badly that you crossed rivers and darted across highways just to get here.  Thanks for paying taxes.  Thanks. Really. I’m so happy to have gotten an opportunity to eat a chalupa.

It’s been a real pleasure.  But let me give you a piece of advice: Fucking Run.  Why?  Because this country has it in for you.  I know, I know.  Just when you were getting comfortable too.  All the heat was on our Arab brothers and sisters.  We other brown folks were just sitting back, collecting our welfare checks, not having car insurance, and shooting babies out of our wombs like t-shirts out of one of those t-shirt guns they have at baseball games.

Then we heard some rumblings and we knew one of us was going to get screwed.  We thought it might black folks again.  But then we were like, nah!  We got one of ours in the White House!  It ain’t us! Guess who’s in the hot seat now?  Puerto Mexicans! Why?  Because we just don’t like them right now and we don’t need any other reason!  (Besides, they’re taking our jerbs! and giving us pig AIDS!)

Also, they are coming over here, having their dirty “anchor babies” and then these anchor babies are either blowing our shit up (if they’re Muslim) or getting a citizenship foothold in this country so they can sponsor all their eleventy-three relatives, bring them over, and share a one bedroom apartment.

I mean, c’mon, son!

When I read this article, I literally yelled out loud: “WHAT THE FUCK!?”

On Sunday, Sen. John Kyl (R-Ariz.) became the highest-ranking Republican to suggest support for the repeal of the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Appearing on CBS’ Face the Nation, Kyl said that he opposes allowing children of undocumented immigrants to be granted U.S. citizenship and wants Congress to hold hearings on the matter.

In doing so, the Senate’s no. 2 Republican didn’t place himself on the extreme wing of his party’s stance on immigration policy. Rather, he joined what is a growing movement that could very well shape the official policy planks of the GOP.

…

In the House, Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Tex.) has introduced the Birthright Citizenship Act of 2009, which would attempt to deny children of illegal immigrants U.S. citizenship through statute rather than a constitutional amendment (thereby lowering the vote threshold). He has 93 co-sponsors for that effort including Rep. Nathan Deal, the Georgia Republican who is in a runoff to be the party’s candidate for governor.

Senate candidate Rand Paul (R-Ky.) caused a stir shortly after winning his primary by saying he supported stripping citizenship from children of the undocumented. Former congressman and potential Colorado gubernatorial candidate Tom Tancredo — one of the staunchest anti-illegal immigration voices in national politics — has made repeal of the 14th Amendment a major cause.

Yes.  Let’s hold hearings on the 14th Amendment.  You know, the one with the Equal Protection Clause?  The one that made me and people like me a full person?  Let’s allow these Tea Partying rightwing nutjobs to have a crack at rewriting the 14th Amendment.

Hell, let’s just send a copy of the Constitution to Sarah Palin and let her rewrite the whole damn thing.  After all, Palin thinks that Obama doesn’t have the “cojones” for immigration reform. I’d love to read Sarah Palin’s Konstitooshion:

We the Thriller-jacket wearing People of the United States of Russian Alaska, in Order to form a more sexy Union…

::blows head off::

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Posted in Culture Critic, Legal Shenanigans, Libertarian Lunacy, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans, Sarah Palin and Tall, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity

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Unborn Muslim Babies Want to Blow Up America, Warns Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert

Posted on July 1, 2010 by | Leave a comment

All pregnant brown women should be detained and waterboarded.

I WANT TO MOLESTER MOAR ANCHOR BABIEZZZ!!!

I’m going to tell you about something. Your first inclination might be to say, “Get the fuck out of here.” But no. I most certainly will not get the fuck out of here. Why? Because I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

Are you ready?

You should sit down. You should also clear your immediate vicinity of anything that might spill, you should put down anything that might break, and you should swallow any liquid that may be in your mouth.

Seriously.

You’ve been warned.

OK, here we go:

Texas Representative Asshat Louie Gohmert (R [duh!]-TX [shocking!]) gave a speech on the House floor in which he — and I’m not kidding — warned that there is a Muslim baby conspiracy plot. Pregnant Muslim women are infiltrating the United States so they can give birth to their babies in this country, and then when the babies reach full adulthood terroristhood, these baby harbingers of terror, death, and destruction will be returned to their home country (Gohmert doesn’t specify where — presumably some scary place like Islamofascistan or Hawaii), where they will undergo rigorous training to hone their Terrorist Skillz.

And this is where it gets scary; these terrorists who have literally been bred for terror — these superterrorists, if you will — are going to return to the United States (because they were American-born, you see, and therefore can get all up inside America, hassle-free), and they are promptly going to blow our shit up:

In a speech on the floor of the House last week Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert warned about an insidious plot by terror organizations to infiltrate the US with pregnant woman.

According to Gohmert, the plan is that women would give birth to terrorist babies who can then return to wreak havoc on the US once they come of age.

“It appeared that [the terrorists] would have young women, who became pregnant, would get them into the United States to have a baby,” Gohmert said. “And then they would turn back where they could be raised and coddled as future terrorists.”

Gohmert cited a retired FBI agent as his inside source on the baby conspiracy plot.

“And then one day, twenty, thirty years down the road, they can be sent in to help destroy our way of life,” he said.

Gohmert also decried the federal government’s response to state actions against illegal immigration.

The Obama administration recently announced that they will file a lawsuit to strike down Arizona’s tough new immigration law.

Arizona may also introduce new legislation that targets “anchor babies” – a term for children of illegal immigrants.

The Texas Republican thinks these babies may destroy us in the end.

“They figured out how stupid we are being in this country to allow our enemies to game our system,” Gohmert said. “We won’t do anything about it we’ll even sue a state that tries to do something about it.”

ARE YOU LISTENING, CITIZENS!?!?

BROWN ANCHOR BABIES ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!!!

This is happening, people. This is not a drill.

Look around you. Do you see any pregnant brown people? REPORT THEM. Their uteri contain the next Al Qaeda disciples! They are terrorists breeders! And they must be stopped at all costs.

[video of the asshattery and a bonus video after the jump]

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Posted in Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans, War on Women, What the Crap!?

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