Mitt Romney won’t explain to the American people what he would do if he were elected president.
Odd though that may sound—especially considering that presidential campaigns are designed specifically to inform voters of such plans—the strategy actually aligns quite well with Romney’s “emotion-free crisis management” style.
Romney isn’t the most likeable candidate to run for the presidency, and his campaign’s intention to swap out the conservative talking points for the more moderate middle ground rhetoric once the general election begins, as his chief campaign advisor forewarned, isn’t likely to boost his popularity among the GOP base. So in order to alleviate the nation’s continued ambivalence toward Mr. Etch-a-Sketch, Romney has announced a plan to…not announce his plans. The thinking behind this, I believe, is that if nobody knows what he’d do as president, he might have a chance of becoming one!
Jonathan Chait of New York magazine has the story:
Mitt Romney’s Colorado concession speech was as inspiring as a corpse.
Between congratulating his supporters for clapping—not doing Olympic back flips through fiery rings, just clapping—and uttering some meteorologically redundant gibberish about how February winters are cold in Denver, Romney appeared to have discovered Rick Perry’s stash of meds.
“He looked understandably down,” Politico’s Roger Simon observed after Romney lost in Colorado, Missouri and Minnesota. “(H)e read his concession speech from two teleprompters as if he were seeing it for the first time—which he may have been.”
In a monotone monologue that might have rung with passion on paper but which failed to keep supporters from unapologetically fiddling with their smartphones throughout the live version of the speech, the former Massachusetts governor attempted to lay blame for the Great Recession at the feet of President Obama with a series of lethargic and haphazard punches.
For those who want a quick and easy re-election for Barack Obama, the ideal outcome of the Republican primary race is to see the president’s supposedly most formidable rival, Mitt Romney, suffer a slow and painful (and scandalized and mortifying) defeat at the pudgy hands of the GOP’s “pneumatically overstuffed” chief narcissist, Newt Gingrich.
And don’t act like you haven’t pictured it: Newt on stage at the GOP convention in Tampa Bay, swiveling his tractor-tire hips as only a fat man can as “Dancing Queen” blares over the loud speaker; his wife, Jackie Battley Marianne Ginther Callista Gingrich standing next to him, the skin on her face stretched back and tucked neatly under her bullet-proof platinum blonde helmet, eyes aglow like polished silver dollars placed over the shrunken sockets of a corpse bride, bleached teeth clenched around an invisible key to her husband’s glitchy chastity belt loving heart in a smile that only the editors of Cosmetic Surgery Magazine could say with a straight face was “natural.”
Hanging behind the podium, a red, white, and blue banner spells out the core of this estranged congressman’s presidential platform—“Big Ideas, Child Slavery, No Blacks”—as Gingrich humbly accepts the Republican Party’s 2012 presidential nomination, his supporters cheering like drunk pedophiles at a “Little Miss Sunshine” pageant.
Is it that impossible a scenario?
If you look at each candidate’s pros and cons, it’s more than possible.
Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Eye of Newt, Magic Underpants, Nicholas Wilbur, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!
Tagged #OWS, 1 percent, 2012 primary, Mitt Romney, Mittens, Newt Gingrich, Polls, primary, racism, Republican primary
I am a child of the Watergate hearings.
By which I mean: I’m no fool.
I don’t believe that politics and running a country can be anything but an (at least) occasionally dirty business, I don’t believe politicians choose politics for purely altruistic reasons, and I certainly don’t believe that any of them don’t lie, or at least fudge the truth. I say this as a person who campaigned for the current President with the greatest sense of urgency, wept when he was elected, and continue to find him to be an inspiring figure. Has he lied to me yet? I don’t know. He’s probably at least fudged the truth.
Having said that: There’s lying, and then there’s lying. There’s “not purely altruistic,” and then there’s “utterly and cravenly opportunistic.” When I look at the front runners in the GOP field, that’s what I see.
Mitt Romney is famous for his “flip-flopping,” which is a terribly cute little way of saying “lying through his teeth.” The man chose positions that would carry him to power, and now that he wants a different kind of power, in a different venue, he’s chosen different positions. The position is not what matters – the power is what matters. He was for gay people before he was against them, he was for health care before he was against it, and let the chips and the human lives fall where they may.
And then we have Newt Gingrich.
Posted in Emily L. Hauser, Eye of Newt, International Shenanigans, Political Shenanigans, What the Crap!?
Tagged 2012 primary, GOP, Israel, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Palestine, primary, Republican primary, SHELDON ADELSON
Presumed Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has more than an “animal cruelty problem.”
He has a personality problem, a likeability problem, and a passion problem—to say nothing of his “consistency problem,” his “1 percent-status problem” and his “Mormon problem.”
He may have a “rugged jawline,” perfectly coiffed hair that has “gone gray in just the right places,” and boatloads of money—which allowed him to make generous contributions to virtually every politician at every level of government in New Hampshire prior to his primary victory there—but Romney comes up short pretty much everywhere else.
Which is troubling, particularly when the only thing a Republican presidential candidate has to do to get elected in this country is smile, kiss a few babies and regurgitate the time-tested talking points of the GOP’s master narrative.
Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Eye of Newt, Magic Underpants, Nicholas Wilbur, The Frothman Cometh
Tagged 2012 primary, Mitt Romney, Mormons, Newt Gingrich, President Barack Obama, primary, Republican primary, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul
Presidential aspirant Newt Gingrich believes that campaigns are all about asking “legitimate questions” and demanding “facts and data” about a politician’s record.
It’s the reliance on such “facts and data” that allows Gingrich to sleep at night after publicly dubbing Barack Obama “the food stamp president.”
During an exchange with Fox News analyst Juan Williams during a debate in South Carolina on Jan. 16, Gingrich defended previous statements that poor kids lack a strong work ethic, that they should be put to work as janitors (child labor laws be damned), and that black Americans should “demand jobs, not food stamps.”
“Can’t you see that this is viewed, at a minimum, as insulting to all Americans, but particularly to black Americans?” Williams asked.
“No,” Gingrich responded, to roaring applause and rolling laughter. “I don’t see that.”
“It sounds as if you’re speaking to belittle people,” Williams added later in the exchange.
“Well, first of all, Juan,” Gingrich said, “the fact is, more people have been put on food stamps by Barack Obama than any president in American history.”
Posted in Culture Critic, Election 2012? Oy vey!, Eye of Newt, Nicholas Wilbur, Now That's Some Racist Bullsh*t, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans
Tagged 2012 primary, George W. Bush, Newt Gingrich, Newt Gingrich is an asshat, President Obama, primary, Republican primary
While the 99 percenters are destined to play a significant role in the 2012 presidential election, there is now another percent that very well may undermine the candidacy of Republican primary front-runner Mitt Romney.
Let us call it the 39 percent movement.
Perhaps more damning than Bill Clinton’s “zipper problem,” George W. Bush’s “cocaine problem,” John Kerry’s “Catholic problem” and Barack Obama’s “progressive problem” combined, Romney’s “animal cruelty problem” has the potential to isolate a dog-lover demographic that cares so deeply for the 78.2 million canines in America that it spends more money pandering pets each year than most countries claim in total gross domestic product.
In a meandering, cliché-drenched speech that made George W. Bush sound like a world-renowned scholar of the oratorical arts, Republican Herman Cain announced on Saturday, Dec. 3, 2011—a day that will live in infamy thanks to the candidate’s head-scratching paraphrasing of a Pokémon quotation—the immediate suspension, some say permanent, of his pie-in-the-sky presidential campaign.
For those who saw Cain as the everyman candidate, the Average Joe, the overweight/black/male/bald version of Sarah Palin; for those who donated to his campaign, cheered at his rallies and courageously defended his economic, social and foreign policy blunders against the mainstream media’s factual clarifications vicious attacks; and for those whose loyalty didn’t waver even when those lying bitches accused Cain of sexual harassment, philandering and faithlessness to his wife of four decades, do not despair. There is a silver lining to every dark, thunderous, campaign-killing cloud.
In this case it’s the avoidance of post-primary shame from which all ye Republican dipshits would be suffering had karma not intervened and forced Cain’s cheatin’ ass to drop out.
The White House moved 0.4 percent farther out of reach for Republican presidential contenders this morning as the newly released jobs report showed that unemployment fell to 8.6 percent in November.
The angry stuttering of befuddled Republicans echoed through early primary states where White House hopefuls responded to their window of opportunity slamming shut.
The GOP’s bread & butter issue – attacking President Obama for his “failed policies” – appeared to have slid off the plate, landing face-down in the dirt with a splat heard ’round the campaign.
Between sex scandals and boner debate bloopers by frontrunner Republican contenders, embarrassed conservative voters across the nation have been turning their head and coughing whenever the subject of Nov. 7, 2012, comes up.
Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Magic Underpants, Nicholas Wilbur, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!
Tagged 2012 primary, Economy, President Obama, primary, Republican primary, Republicans are asshats, Tea Party, unemployment