No person or entity shall manufacture or knowingly sell food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the ingredients or which used aborted human fetuses in the research or development of any of the ingredients.
Feel that? That’s Poe’s Law slapping you upside the head.
I like following conservative and conservative-ish pundits on Twitter, because A) it’s good to know what the other side is saying and B) they’ve often sometimes got insightful things to say about their cause. Here are some of my favorite tweeted reactions to tonight’s debate from a couple of the nation’s leading conservative thinkers:
It was like a scene from an action movie, but better. A wreck in Texas left one car burning and a person injured. Just in time, a man in a Santa suit appeared and pulled a man from his burning truck. While they were escaping, the battery exploded and the smoke blinded confused drivers. After saving one life, Santa jumped out and directed traffic through the chaos.
It took some time, but the Santa volunteer was finally identified. It was none other than Brad Luddeke, a former volunteer fire fighter from Arlington, Texas. He had been on his way to deliver toys to kids when he saw the accident. It was an emotional day for the man, and stirred up memories of having lost his son in a car accident years before. But it didn’t slow him down a bit, and at least one person’s life was saved by him that day.
Is it just me, or is it a slow news day? Oh, it’s not just me? Great. So you won’t mind a spot of silliness then.
Darth Vader hit up the mayor of a Ukrainian City for some free land recently, citing a law that grants every Ukrainian citizen the right to own 1000 square meters of land.
Vader claimed that he knew the mayor had switched to the dark side, and that he (Vader) needed somewhere to park his space cruiser.
You see, city authorities in the Ukrainian Black Sea port of Odessa decided to give away free landplots along the coast of the Black Sea, a move which caused the public to cry foul. What with city authorities playing favorites in the “Have Some Free Land” sweepstakes, Darth Vader figured there were some shenanigans afoot and, by the hand of Skywalker, he wanted him a piece of the pierogi:
Some jackass in Texas who teaches concealed hand gun classes ran radio advertisements telling socialist liberals, people who voted for President Obama, Arabs, and Muslims that they shouldn’t apply for his class because he’s not having it:
Crockett Keller, who owns Keller’s Riverside Store, ran the ads on the radio station in his rural hometown of Mason, Texas, which is 120 miles west of the state capital of Austin.
“If you are a Socialist liberal and/or voted for the current campaigner in chief, please do not take this class,” Keller said in the ad. “You have already proven that you cannot make a knowledgeable and prudent decision as required under the law.”
“Also, if you are a non-Christian Arab, or Muslim, I will not teach you the class,” Keller said in the radio ad.
Keller said he is simply exercising his freedom to teach concealed handgun license classes to whomever he wants. He said he has received “hundreds” of calls from Americans who support his stance. Continue reading →
Adam Serwer has an amusing-slash-scary story about four senior citizens who, while dining on food items that were surely “smothered and covered” in some manner, plotted to go on a killing spree. Why? To save the Konstatooshun, of course:
That’s not the beginning of a joke, it’s the scenario outlined by the FBI in a criminal complaint filed against four Georgia men yesterday who allegedly sought to use the online novel of a frequent Fox News guest named Mike Vanderboegh as a model for a terrorist plot against US government officials. The four men, Samuel Crump, Frederick Roberts, Ray Adams, and Dan Roberts, who named themselves “the covert group” (subtle!) allegedly fantasized about dispersing the toxic agent ricin over Washington DC and Atlanta, and hoped to ultimately obtain botulinium toxin, which Adams believed could kill millions of people in small doses. Continue reading →
Traffic signs warn drivers to stay in their cars because of exotic animals on the loose near the intersection of Route 40 and Interstate 70 East just west of Zanesville. (CHRIS RUSSELL | DISPATCH)
Turns out Wednesday’s bizarre escaped animal incident in Zanesville, Ohio (east of Columbus) where dozens of exotic animals were put down after they were released into the Ohio countryside before their owner apparently committed suicide? Yeah, you can hang that one on Gov. John Kasich’s neck too.
The tragedy exposes the dangers of wildlife trafficking, in which private collectors actively trade in exotic animals all over the states “in a vibrant and poorly regulated market.” According to the Humane Society, Ohio has long been “the center of the exotic-auction industry.” Ohio’s former Gov. Ted Strickland (D) attempted to “crack down” on the market by issuing an executive order that banned new private ownership of exotic animals. Issued on Jan. 6, 2011, it was one of his last acts as governor and lasted 90 days. His replacement, GOP Gov. John Kasich let it expire. Only now, after the bloodbath, does Kasich see it as “a problem.”
Kasich’s team called the measure “unenforceable.” Only one problem: parts of that executive order were very much enforceable, including the provision that could have prevented this awful event.
Well, I was in a frisky mood this evening so I started sending out tweets that were intended to parody the distinctive Twitter oeuvre of La Walsh, which I sneaked past unsuspecting people by labeling them #fakejoanwalshtweets.
And in the process I angered someone who follows me, so much so that after he finished telling me off, he stomped over to Chirpstory to memorialize our exchange to prove to the world how, well, horrible I am or something. Anyway, if you don’t become easily outraged by obvious snark, you can read how it all went down below the fold.