Category Archives: Sarah Palin and Tall

The asshattery of Snowbilly Snooki.

Florida GOP: The word "uterus" is "inappropriate for children and other guests."

Hell hath no fury like a vagina scorned.

The GOP is scared of your crotch, ladies.  I’m serious.

Last week, during a debate on Florida legislation that would prevent union dues from being automatically deducted from government paychecks, Scott Randolph (D-Orlando) used his time during floor debate to call the GOP out on their hypocrisy.  He pointed out that the GOP is staunchly “small government” when it comes to business, but “big government” when it comes to the little guy and their own pet interests — like lady parts.

At one point Randolph suggested that his wife “incorporate her uterus” to stop Republicans from pushing measures that would restrict abortions. Republicans, after all, wouldn’t want to further regulate a Florida business.

Apparently the GOP leadership of the House didn’t like the one-liner.

They told Democrats that Randolph is not to discuss body parts on the House floor.

“The point was that Republicans are always talking about deregulation and big government,” Randolph said Thursday. “And I always say their philosophy is small government for the big guy and big government for the little guy. And so, if my wife’s uterus was incorporated or my friend’s bedroom was incorporated, maybe they (Republicans) would be talking about deregulating.

It’s not like I used slang,” said Randolph, who actually got the line from his wife. He said Republicans voiced concern about young pages hearing the word uterus.

“I think it’s a sad commentary about what we think about sex education in the state,” he said.

He’s right.  We all know that.  According to the Teabilly Doctrine, the government should be teeny-tiny when it comes to regulating big business.  But when it comes to lady business, the government is so fucking big that I wouldn’t be surprised if the military starts forcing women to quarter soldiers in their vaginas.

IT COULD HAPPEN.

::ahem::

Here’s what Katie Betta, the Florida GOP spokeswoman — woman! – had to say: (DANGER! SCARY VAGINA AHEAD!!1)

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Stand Up America: Palinites to Drive Their Cars and Then Pull Over and Sit There for an Hour [Updated]

FREEEDUM!

In a stunning display of Teabilly slacktivism, Palinites are planning to block traffic for an hour in order to – to – well what the fuck do I know what they’re doing it for:1

Sarah Palin called the Obama Administration’s actions as [sic] the “Road to Ruin”! [Uh, no.  The Road to Ruin broke ground when you were born.  Heyo!] Like most of the USA now, we at Stand Up America think it is a great way to express yourself and learn what is really happening to our country , so what can we do? [Let me get this straight: You think that pulling one’s car over to the side of the road is a great way to learn what is really happening to our country? Like, seriously? Are you planning on reading a history book while you sit there blocking traffic?   Besides, I doubt you can find five Teabillies who think that sitting on the side of the road on a Sunday afternoon is a great way to express themselves. I suppose we should be thankful -- it's less frightening than the traditional Teabilly method, which is to show up to a rally armed to the teeth with guns and misspelled signs.  So thanks for deciding simply to pull your cars over to the side of the road and just sit there pretending to make phone calls as opposed to, I don’t know, blowing cars up on the side of the road. (P.S., if you’re doing that last thing I mentioned, call me! I’ve always wanted to blow up a car for freedom.)]

Well, it seems the normal methods do not work because of entrenched political machinery, moneyed interests, power seeking for power’s sake, and a media that is just plan [sic] in the tank. [Toilet or fish?]

In the past, petitions were signed, marches on Washington and elsewhere were held [I remember the great civil rights March on Washington and Elsewhere -- those were heady times], Tea Parties were created [by the Kochsuckers], letters were written [in broken Teabilly English], calls were made [using tin cans and string], new representatives were elected, yet, the road to ruin is still there [where, exactly?], and the Obama Administration has the pedal to the floor, the speedometer is pegged, and there are no brakes. [Talk about metaphor salad.  Crikey. "The Obama Administration is on the road to ruin, leading a gift horse to water, looking in its mouth, and making it drink soshulism!] All our efforts have for the most part FAILED! [Oh no, you’re wrong there – they have ENTIRELY failed.]

So how do we make our voices known? [There are known voices and unknown voices, and you will hear us by the trail of dead.] How do we finally succeed? [Never gonna happen.] How do we send a clear message that cannot be twisted by the media, misinterpreted by politicians, or co-opted by Obama apologists? [Hey, you can have this one. We Obots have better shit to do than pull our fancy elitist arugula-fueled cars over to the side of the road and just sit there.] Well, we have come up with one interesting new way. [You're overselling it.] Are you game? It won’t cost you any money short of a gallon of gas. It won’t take much of your time, only about an hour. It won’t mean travel to distant cities. It won’t mean crowds to wade through, and it won’t interfere with your life too much. [Shorter: It won’t mean DOING ANYTHING OF VALUE and you'll be home in time for Leno.]2
What it will be is FUN [and by "FUN" we mean "ASININE"], and a great way to vent your frustration [also a great way to vent carbon monoxide into your car ::crosses fingers::], without being labeled [jackass], or maligned [descended from a clan of jackasses]!

Here is what is planned: (If you don’t value your brain cells, click to continue)

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Sarah Palin for President 2014 (ssssshhhhhhh!)

“I can see Russia from my vagina.”

Best thing Gina Gershon has done since the glorious trainwreck that is Showgirls:

(wanna see another one? click here!)

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Sarah Palin’s Egyptian Verbal Diarrhea

She’s STILL talking!

A couple days ago I tried to make sense of Sarah Palin’s verbally craptastic criticism of Obama’s handling of the situation in Egypt.

Well today, the Internet Lords have blessed us with more bullshit from Our Lady of Lock and Load, and it’s even more funny, gastrically distressing, mind-numbing blisteringly stupid than I could have imagined.  Once more unto the breach, dear friends:

Full Text:

“Remember, President Reagan lived that mantra trust but verify. We want to be able to trust those who are screaming for democracy there in Egypt, that it is a true sincere desire for freedoms. And the challenge that we have though, is how do we verify what it is that we are being told, what it is that the American public is being fed via media, via the protestors, via the government there in Egypt in order for us to really have some sound information to make wise decisions on what our position is. Trust but verify, and try to understand is what I would hope our leaders are engaged in right now. Who’s going to fill the void? Mubarak, he’s gone, one way or the other. He is not going to be the leader of Egypt. That’s a given. So now the information needs to be gathered and understood as to who it will be that fills now the void in the government. Is it going to be the Muslim Brotherhood? We should not stand for that, or with that or by that. Any radical Islamists, no that is not who we should be supporting and standing by. So we need to find out who was behind all of the turmoil and the revolt and the protests so that good decisions can be made in terms of who we will stand by and support.”

Full Text with Peanut Gallery Comments: Continue reading

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Some Words About Egypt and Obama Shot Out of Sarah Palin's Face

She’s talking again.

Sarah Palin has blissfully been silent about Egypt. Until now.

In an interview with some dude at the Christian Broadcasting Network, Palin criticized Obama for his handling of Egypt:1

“It’s a difficult situation,” Ms. Palin told the Christian Broadcasting Network. “This is that 3 a.m. White House phone call, and it seems for many of us trying to get that information from our leader in the White House, it seems that that call went right to the answering machine.”

“And nobody yet has, nobody yet has explained to the American public what they know [what who knows?], and surely they [they who?] know more than the rest of us know [us who?] who it is who will be taking the place of Mubarak [what the -- how are they to know who is taking the place of Mubarak when Mubarak himself can't seem to make up his damn mind] and no, not, not real enthused [yes, but are you jazzed?] about what it is that that’s being done on a national level and from D.C. [Do you have any idea what you just said?] in regards to understanding all the situation there in Egypt. [The Situation is in Egypt?! Pics or GTFO.] And, in these areas [what areas?  Alaska?  Russia?] in that are so volatile right now, because obviously it’s not just Egypt but the other countries too [Which other countries, too?  Can you name one?  Didn't think so.] where we are seeing uprisings, we know that now more than ever, we need strength and sound mind there in the White House [::blank stare::]. We need to know what it is that America stands for [truth, justice, and the American way!  Duh.] so we know who it is that America will stand with. [Anyone standing with you is standing with Stupid.  That, we know.] And, we do not have all that information yet.”  [All what information?  What America stands for?  Whether America has legs?  I just -- I can't even.]

***[full text (sans my peanut gallery comments) below]

First of all: What in THEE hell is she talking about?

Second of all: “Nobody has explained to the American public what they know” is a delicious Freudian slip because that’s the Teatwit credo, isn’t it? “We don’t know anything until you tell us what we know.”

Third of all: I’m not kidding — what the fuck is she even saying?!

Fourth of all: Don’t get comfortable.  This country is full of asshats and they are dumb enough to elect this woman president. Nate Silver’s new graphContinue reading

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We as a country need gun control; we also need Sarah Palin to STFU.

Plain and simple: Gun Control and Shut Up, Sarah1

Remember that dude who shot his TV because, among other reasons, he doesn’t like Palin, Bristol?  (I wrote about him here.)  Well, Palin, Sarah mentioned that dude in passing in remarks before Safari Club International in Reno, NV this weekend.

Sarah blathered on to the Safari Club: Non-real Americans are gunning for your guns; and you better keep your eye on the White House because librulz are totally taking your guns while you sleep gunless; and Tucson really sucked because librulz took all your guns and burned them at a gun(bon)fire while a bunch of hippy onlookers played drums.  Although, the discussion seems to be focused on getting assault weapons with high capacity magazines off the street, and therefore of little relevance to the muckity mucks at the Safari Club, that didn’t stop Sarah from putting the fear of a Gunless Existence in them.  (If any of you Safarians are hunting big game with assault weapons, I’m pretty sure UR DOIN IT RONG. )

After fearmongering for a while, Sarah Palin brought it home with some of her Wasilla-style folksiness:

“Here’s how I figure it. Remember that weird guy in Wisconsin was so angry, so upset, watching a Palin win slot after slot each week on Dancing with the Stars that he shot Bristol through his TV? He blasted his Panasonic? Well, I’m thinking, ‘Imagine more gun control. Then he’d have to attack his Panasonic with a butter knife.’”

Ha ha ha!  Ho ho ho!  It’s hilarious!  Yes, let us imagine more gun control!  What would that world look like?  Weird right?  You betcha!  More alive people!  Less not alive people!  Unpossible!  And besides, how will people shoot their TVs when they don’t like reality show results?  Clearly, we need more guns (preferably with TV-monitor-piercing bullets).

Meanwhile, Michael Bloomberg’s latest sting operation (Gunshow Undercover) demonstrates just how easy it is to purchase a gun in Arizona without a background check:

An undercover investigation at an Arizona gun show found that private sellers didn’t always require background checks of buyers, Mayor Bloomberg announced today.

The investigation came just weeks after a Tucson shooting that killed six people and injured 13 others.

Bloomberg, at a news conference at City Hall, showed several undercover videos of illegal gun sales — including one that showed a “buyer” purchasing an extended magazines like the one allegedly used by Jared Lee Loughner — an at the Phoenix gun show last week.

Loughner, 22, is the man arrested for shooting and injuring Rep. Gabrielle Giffords during a meet-and-greet with voters three weeks ago outside a Tuscon supermarket.

“We have demonstrated how easy it is for anyone to buy a semiautomatic handgun and a high capacity magazine, no questions asked,” said Bloomberg. “This country must take two simple steps to stop more of the 34 murders that occur with guns every day — make every gun sale subject to a background check, and make sure the background check system has all the required records in it.”

So, to sum up: While folks are trying to figure out a way to keep high capacity automatic weapons off the street in order to curb gun violence, Sarah Palin and Tall is cracking jokes about guns and people with mental health issues using guns to do crazy shit (the dude in Wisconsin was bipolar), and all of this less than a month after the Tucson shootings.  Klassy.

She needs to fire her handlers and speechwriters.   She’s sounding more and more like a fool with each passing media appearance.

[Video after the jump] Continue reading

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Bristol Palin Earns Money the Old-Fashioned Way: The Long Con

When Sarah Palin was plucked from relative obscurity by the desperate John McCain to be his running mate, I made it my mission to find out all I could about this woman.  What I found alarmed me.  The first time I heard her talk, I was chilled to the bone.  This woman was not fit to run a PTA (especially not a PTA), let alone be second in command* should Grumpy McCain be pushed down the stairs of the White House during the middle of the night and break his neck happen to have a heart attack or a stroke while being presidential.

Palin was an ignorant, incurious, malicious, spiteful, a liar, a bully, and a cheat as well.  But, since she gave Republican men starbursts that tingled up and down their legs**, she was frizzled and primped, decked out in red leather for the boys, and made to parade around like a Barbie doll in her Naughty Monkeys.  She trotted her kids out onto stage and used them as props to show just what a great mother she was, doncha know.  A Grizzly Mama who would do anything she could to defend her cubs. Rrawr!

So, Palin did her rabble-rousing, making sure the base was riled up in more ways than one.   She was an idiot, but a useful one, apparently.  She got to say all the nasty shit while McCain positioned himself above the fray.   She was the pitbull with lipstick, and she went after Obama with relish.  Except, she couldn’t hide the fact that she was, well, stupid.  She had no clue what a VP did every day, and her knowledge of history (not to mention geography) was limited.  Fuck, she couldn’t even name a single damn paper that she read.  That’s pretty sad.  Then, of course, Tina Fey returned to SNL to do skits as Sarah Palin because of a striking resemblance (though Tina Fey is much hotter).  The best part was that she only had to say exactly what Sarah Palin herself said to garner laughs (because Palin’s way of talking is fucking ridiculous).

A classic:

(Click or you’ll make Bristol Palin cry)

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Glenn Beck's Crusade: Check out her equivalencies! Dude, they are so false!

Frances Fox Piven: “It Only Takes One Person Who Is A Little Deranged”

Eric Boehlert over at Media Matters has an excellent article about the right-wing paranoia surrounding Frances Fox Piven:

The racket Frances Fox Piven heard in the middle of the night last weekend sounded like someone pounding on the front door of the small, isolated house she calls home in the Hudson Valley, north of New York City. Startled and awaken from her sleep, Piven, who had plenty of reason to feel on edge, pondered her next move.

A City University of New York professor and scholar of grassroots activism, the 78-year-old Piven has been the target of relentless Glenn Beck attacks. For an entire year now the Fox News talker has been pushing a tangled conspiracy theory that puts Piven, and her late husband, fellow academic Richard Cloward, at the center of an all-powerful left-wing movement to “collapse” the United States economy and government — a devious collapse designed to allow President Obama to radically transform the country, according to Beck.

The talker’s basis for the dark attacks date back to a Nation essay Piven and Cloward wrote 45 years ago. And as part of his misinformation campaign, Beck has repeatedly demonized Piven, denouncing her as an “enemy of the Constitution” and someone who wants to “destroy America.” Piven has become a star player in Beck’s rogue gallery of treacherous, all-powerful (often Jewish) liberals, seeking to eliminate the American way of life.

Beck’s fans have recently taken notice of Piven. On a website Beck runs, The Blaze, which also traffics in the Piven smear campaign, readers began posting lurid threats against the elderly academic. “ONE SHOT…ONE KILL!” announced one. “Why is this woman still alive?” asked another. And this particularly shocking threat: “Maybe they should burst through the front door of this arrogant elitist and slit the hateful cow’s throat.”

Through it all, Piven has watched with a growing sense of amazement, as well as guardedness. “It only takes one person who is a little deranged to take such rhetoric and make it real,” Piven told Media Matters in an interview. “It’s a big country and there’s all kinds of people. And there are also right-wing guerilla groups who have a kind of culture, or code, of death and it may prod them into action.”

The warnings prompted the Center on Constitutional Rights to write Fox News chairman Roger Ailes, urging him to stop Beck from portraying Piven as a terrorist, and falsely accusing her of advocating political violence. “You can stop the reckless endangering of the safety of Professor Piven,” the Center wrote. ["Bite me!" was Fox's response (essentially).]

The violent taunts (“We should blowup Piven’s office and home”) have made Piven “wary,” but she remains unbowed. “I think what the death threats are intended to do is extort silence from me. Although I think there is danger out there. I think most of them are simply ridiculous.”

read the full article here.

Piven specifically notes that Beck’s paranoid theories have a “frightening potential,” in light of the Tucson massacre, and says that the Beck attacks take so much of her time that she might not be able to get back to what she wants to do — writing: “I would like to work, but if this continues I won’t be able to because I’m not going to just duck and ignore it.

So, apparently this is the form that censorship will take under the Tea Party.  They’ll point to the scariest leftists and academicians, and through intimidation make these individuals so fearful that they stop working. Piven worked to bring the plight of the poor to the front of the public’s consciousness.  Now she’s spending her time worried for her life and fending off the attacks of a crazed madman who has the ear of nearly half the people in this country (either via his website, Fox, or his radio program.)

THIS IS INSANITY, PEOPLE.  (And reminiscent of another period in this world’s history, IYKWIMAITYD.  (GODWIN!)

To really understand the gravity of this clusterfuck, one has to foray in to the Land of NotsoBreit-bart: here’s Breitbart nitwit Dana Loesch’s article on the subject [Although "article" is not an apt description since her "article" comprises nothing more than dog-whistles ("ACORN!  "Palin of Arc!" "Boogity Boogity!") interspersed with crazytalk and jibber jabber]: (click here for 100% more jibber jabber)

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Sarah Palin vs. Angry Birds

It’s funny.

(H/T Pinky McLadybits!)

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