Category Archives: A Wee Bit O’ Hilarity

The Onion: Life Imitates Parody

via The Onion

This is uncomfortably apropos:

WASHINGTON, DC—According to an FBI report released Monday, “reliable and substantive evidence” exists indicating that Muslims residing in the U.S. are involved in a widespread plot to develop nuclear families.

“We possess what we believe to be credible proof that thousands of Islamic Americans, many of them Mideast-born, are attempting to acquire nuclear-family capability, often in full view of American law-enforcement authorities,” said FBI director Robert Mueller, speaking before the Senate Intelligence Committee. “These nuclear families, which consist of a husband-wife core and a varied number of surrounding offspring, could potentially come into contact with other such nuclear families, creating a terrifying chain reaction of Muslim familial perpetuation.”

Census Bureau statistics show that the Muslim population of the U.S. has increased dramatically in recent years. Mueller attributed much of this growth to the proliferation of nuclear families.

“Communities as diverse and far-flung as Newark, NJ, and Tulsa, OK, are being converted into breeder reactors in which Muslim nuclear families can be easily and cheaply produced,” Mueller said. “Single Muslims who do not have nuclear families of their own are attracted by these favorable conditions.” Continue reading →