Conservatives are sounding like a celestially-fervid flock of Chicken Littles over President Obama’s plan to reduce the U.S.’s nuclear weapon stockpile by as much as 80 percent.
And for good reason.
As Ronald Reagan knew well in the 1980s—because his wife kept him informed of all inter-galactic current events—20,000 nuclear warheads may have been enough to bomb every sovereign nation on the globe 100 times each, but it wasn’t nearly enough to thwart an alien attack!
Now that the stockpile is in the process of being reduced to 1,550 nuclear weapons, the threat has been compounded.
“The aliens are coming! The aliens are coming!” Republicans screamed upon learning of the president’s plans.
U.S. Rep. Trent Franks called it “reckless lunacy,” while the Republican Party’s all-knowing ayatollah, Rush Limbaugh, described the proposal as “staggering” and “downright scary.”
Though they’ll cloak their fear-mongering with fiery rhetoric about the nuclear capabilities of Iran, Syria, North Korea and Egypt, none of these countries pose a real threat to the United States or her allies. One warhead apiece (four total) would be more than enough to eliminate (literally) each of these foes, and that assumes they were suicidal enough to push the limits.
The real threat, the only logical reason anyone would worry about reducing America’s 1,550 nuclear stockpile, is the threat of an alien invasion—in which case, who knows how many warheads will be necessary to secure our freedom from extraterrestrial aggression?
Obama has several available options. The most extreme proposal would eliminate 1,100 weapons, which would leave the United States with 450 warheads—meaning that the United States would have the capability to flatten every sovereign country on the planet only twice—with about 60 weapons to spare.
Obviously that won’t be enough, not if “The Martians Are Coming!”
And so it’s obvious, dear American citizens, that President Obama doesn’t deserve a second term. If he wins re-election, he may very well “unilaterally disarm” our great country and invite all enemies of freedom to burn our cities to the ground in a hurricane of radioactive explosions.
Think of your children before you punch the Obama-Biden ticket this November.
You’ve been warned.
Well I was greatly amused by your post, but sadly I think some people would take this as an actual mars landing like the Welles episode. Geez, I am starting to get paranoid about my appreciation of sarcasm and parody. Wish I could enjoy it without the fear. Guess that is part of the fight.
[rubbing tentacles together] Yes, puny American Earth creatures, your President isn’t even Kenyan. He’s one of us, and there is nothing you can do about it. Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Mu- *cough* *cough*- excuse me, I’ve got a bit of a bug- ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Since we know Obama went to Mars, I think he has a much better appreciation of the nature of alien threats than any Republican.
“You take the good, you take the bad
You take them both, and there you have
The facts of life, the facts of life. “
If anything goes wrong, Barack Obama will just use his Tardis he got on loan from The Doctor and fix it all
Don’t blame me. I voted for Kodos.
Mr Wilbur
I appreciate your momentary focus on the ongoing debate as to the number of nuclear weapons available to ‘defend’ our country. The number of countries worldwide is just under two hundred as represented by the C.I.A/Dept of State websites. Your destroy the planet with ’60′ warheads to spare is a pretty good number to start with.
Given the advances in atomic weapons design even if half of these weapons were to malfunction during the launch/destination sequence the results would still be quite remarkable to the few individuals left to clean up afterward.
Recently a much smarter than I fella (a lengthy list indeed) gin’d up a bit of software that allows you and I to detonate an atomic device of desired mega-tonnage in the populated/not populated geography of choice.
http://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/
Hopefully the link is correctly copied.
Plug in the mega-tonnage you desire and see what the minimal effects would be if say a field artillery nuke (area deniability/very small device) were used on your locality.
Instant urban redevelopment/infrastructure possibilities.
What you may not appreciate Mr Wilbur is that I live in a location famous for it’s atomic history.
New Mexico.
If your not familiar with the tag ‘land of the flea, home of the bomb’
Do come, visit sometime.
New Mexico is a world superpower.
Not many people know or recognize this status.
N.M. is one of the poorest states in America yet we helped invent and now store, secure over two thousand atomic warheads.
All we need is to borrow a few missile launchers and we’re in the money!
Consider-
N.M. could emulate some world/country players and demand sovereign recognition and economic assistance declaring that all we want is the right to generate ‘power’.
‘Power”.
Is it about electricity or elections?
The ability to wipe out hundreds of millions of people with a very small atomic device is perhaps responsibility rather than power.
The secure storage of atomic weapons in my geographical backyard is a quiet reminder of how we as a nation view that responsibility and power.
Now if we could just work on the ‘black plague’ problem we have here.
Which is scarier?
Death by ‘plague’ or ‘pounded back to the stone age’.
How many nukes do you need to be powerful?
I sleep well knowing that the weapons stored in my neighborhood are not easily available to launch on an ‘imminent threat’ basis.
Thanks to the Honorable Mr. Ronald Reagan former POTUS.
Two thousand fewer nukes to pound ‘those unruly other neighbors’ back into the stone age.
Who wants to blow up Canada or Nova Scotia anyway?
‘One giant step for man’.
‘One small flea for mankind’.
‘The Land of Enchantment’ indeed.
Regards,
OldAdoptedBastardWhiteHomosexualVeteranEvangelicalPreachersKid.
P.S. Congratulations!