Ahoy readers! I meant to do this round-up yesterday, but I had an old friend for dinner. (Rimshot.) I didn’t actually eat him or drink any chianti, but there’s always next time. To be honest, I tried, but he looked a little put out when I started sawing on his arm with a butter knife. Next time, I’ll have to add a light sedative to his food.
This week is a busy one for me, so it’ll be light posting. And then on Friday, Allan Brauer is coming to stay with me for the weekend, and I don’t care what he or his husband says, I’m certain my apartment is not clean enough.
Oh well. SUCK IT UP, ALLAN!!!111ONE
~dust bunnies rain from the sky~
Without further ado (unless, of course, you’d like some more “ado.” do you want more “ado”? Do you?), here are last week’s top twelve popular posts:
- WTF?! The CPAC Rap Everyone Is Talking About - This video made John Cole embarrassed to be white, and now he wants in on the whole black thing. Lucky for him, I brought it up at the monthly meeting and the committee approved it. ::bangs gavel:: Congratulations, Cole. You’re black now. And no, I’m not moving to West Virginia.
- Attention, Male Talking Heads on My Teevee: Listen to Rachel, Please - Allan tells all you men out there who are trying to crawl inside American vaginae to shut the hell up and listen to Rachel Maddow. She knows what she’s talking about and actually has one of those dreaded vaginae that you all can’t stop talking about and trying to control.
- Should Obama speak to Americans like 8th graders or academics? - Shorter Nicholas Wilbur: Americans are fucking idiots and Obama is hella smart for talking to us like we’re fucking idiots.
- Sexual Assault Prevention Tips - Here’s the gist: DON’T ASSAULT PEOPLE. Ta da!
- The Democratic Party Finds a Spine in Obama - Nicholas Wilbur explains how Obama is winning at life and ensuring that women win, too. Sorry Catholic Church. You lose: “Obama ended the practice of churches using “righteousness” to infringe on other people’s rights, and there’s little evidence to suggest that this was anything but a long-game strategy.” Yer darn tootin’.
- RIP Whitney Houston - Sharon Osbourne on Facebook on Whitney Houston’s death:
“Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson and now Whitney Houston. We’re all just hypocrites because we are all guilty of mocking them and being cruel while they were alive and it always takes for them to die before we shower them with praise and adulation. They were addicts and there are many addicts still alive. Don’t mock them, just help them.”
- Funny or Die nails Hoekstra & GOP racism to the wall. - Emily Hauser posted a video that mocked Pete Hoekstra mocking of Asian-Americans. There are several layers of mockery here and all of it is funny.
- GOP Wants to Deny Women ANY Preventive Health Services - Like brats who want to eat their pudding before their meat, the GOP is acting like a giant asshole. Bitter that President Obama outplayed them again, they’ve introduced an amendment to the PPACA that would permit employers to deny any preventive health services, most of which are related to women’s health. We get it, assholes. You hate us.
- Dear Asian-Americans: I am so sorry that I didn’t warn you about the GOP. - Emily Hauser feels badly that she didn’t tell Asian-Americans that in addition to demonizing and belittling The Blacks™, The Browns™, The Gays™, The Uterati™ — and well, everyone else — the GOP mocks Asian people. Try not to look so surprised.
- President Obama Stands Up for Women’s Health… AGAIN. - President Obama is a warrior at the uterine gate, protecting your uterus (if you have one) from GOP incursion.
- Sean Hannity: Osama bin Laden Would Be Alive If Obama Had His Way - Shorter Hannity: If President Obama hadn’t ordered SEAL Team 6 to kill Osama bin Laden, he totally wouldn’t have ordered SEAL Team 6 to kill Osama bin Laden because President Obama loves Osama bin Laden. It makes sense if you’re a fucking idiot.
- Oklahama Democrat Adds ‘Every Sperm Is Sacred’ Amendment to Personhood Bill - Constance Johnson added a tongue-in-cheek amendment to Oklahoma’s “Life begins when a man tries to stick it in” bill. We like her. And by “we,” I mean “me.” Me like her.
- BONUS: Hores and Horses! - This post from 2010 racked up a lot of views this week. I can’t help but think it’s because of this whole contraception kerfuffle and the widely-held belief among Republicans that if women would just stop whoring around, we wouldn’t need birth control.