Putting the “wha?!” in “what the fuck?!”
Remember how New Hampshire Republicans essentially defunded Planned Parenthood of New England thus making it impossible for low-income women in New Hampshire to obtain contraception? The Republicans’ reasoning, of course, was NO ABORSHUNS EVAH! even though federal law (hello? Hyde Amendment?) prohibits the use of federal funds for abortion.
But no matter! New Hampshire Republicans don’t need a reason to kick New Hampshire women in their vaginae. These Tea Party fanatics just do whatever their tiny mental Jesus tells them to do.
I wrote about the New Hampshire GOP’s assault on women’s reproductive rights here. Later, I wrote about how Obama basically was all, “Nobody kicks American women in the vaginae! Not on my watch!” which resulted in the federal government stepping in to fund Planned Parenthood of New England, so women in New Hampshire could purchase contraception and other totally-not-abortion-related healthcare services.
(Now, what does all this have to do with the Magna Carta? Very little. Just wanted to point out that Obama is totally looking out for you and your uterus. Moving on.)
New Hampshire Republicans have dialed up the crazy yet again. But this time it’s not women’s lady-areas they’re legislating, it’s old-ass English law – the Magna Carta (most of which was repealed as soon as it was enacted.)
From Think Progress,
New Hampshire Republicans are taking textual originalism to a whole new level: three lawmakers have proposed a bill that requires that all legislation find its origin not in the U.S. constitution, but an English document crafted in 1215.
When the legislature reconvenes this month, Republicans want their colleagues to justify many new bills with a direct quote from the 800-year-old Magna Carta.
No, don’t rub your eyes. You just read that. That just happened.
The bill is a one sentence bill which provides, “All members of the general court proposing bills and resolutions addressing individual rights or liberties shall include a direct quote from the Magna Carta which sets forth the article from which the individual right or liberty is derived.”
Again, from Think Progress,
The Magna Carta is indisputably an important historical document, with ideas about liberty that inspired America’s founders. But as the Concord Monitor points out, the substance of the document is fixated on the tedium of feudal times, and has little if any relevance to modern American life.
New Hampshire lawmakers might have trouble applying passages like, “We shall straightway return the son of Llewelin and all the Welsh hostages,” or, “If anyone who has borrowed a sum of money from Jews dies before the debt has been repaid, his heir shall pay no interest on the debt for so long as he remains under age.”
One of the bill’s sponsors admitted that he wasn’t terribly familiar with the actual text, and mainly saw the measure as an homage. New Hampshire Democratic Party spokesman Ray Buckley said he was “mostly speechless” when he heard about the bill. “I appreciate all the hard work the Republican legislators are putting into the effort to make them look like extremists,” he said. “Saves us the trouble.”
Didn’t white people flee England so they could start their own shit in the New Country (after kicking out The Original Browns™ and enslaving The Blacks™)? What’s with the sudden obssession with some old-ass English document? (Read “Repealing the Magna Carta” from Mother Jones, if you want to speculate. I’ll give you a hint — it has to do with TAXES.)
If this isn’t the most ridiculous nonsense I’ve ever heard, then I don’t know what it is.
Or to put it another way,
Verily, this bill most foul and archaic brings great shame to the name and a pox on the house of the New Hampshire Republican Party, the members of which shall henceforth be known as “ye olde milk-livered scallywags of Niwe Hamtunschire.”1
1I’m far too embarrassed to share how long I have spent on Google trying to find a English to Middle English translator, and even more embarrassed to share how long I’ve been reading about how to speak both Chaucerian and Shakespearese. I need help… and perhaps another Adderall. (Seriously… it’s been, like, an hour.)
[via Thinke Progresseth]