Adam Serwer has an amusing-slash-scary story about four senior citizens who, while dining on food items that were surely “smothered and covered” in some manner, plotted to go on a killing spree. Why? To save the Konstatooshun, of course:
That’s not the beginning of a joke, it’s the scenario outlined by the FBI in a criminal complaint filed against four Georgia men yesterday who allegedly sought to use the online novel of a frequent Fox News guest named Mike Vanderboegh as a model for a terrorist plot against US government officials. The four men, Samuel Crump, Frederick Roberts, Ray Adams, and Dan Roberts, who named themselves “the covert group” (subtle!) allegedly fantasized about dispersing the toxic agent ricin over Washington DC and Atlanta, and hoped to ultimately obtain botulinium toxin, which Adams believed could kill millions of people in small doses.
“We need somebody to back us with some damn money so we can make that other shit,” Crump said at a Waffle House in Toccoa, Georgia. according to the criminal complaint. Crump added that botulinium toxin was “worse than anthrax.”
What was the ostensible purpose of all this killing? Saving the country of course. “There is no way for us, as militiamen, to save this country, to save Georgia, without doing something that’s highly, highly illegal: murder,” Thomas reportedly said. “When it comes time to saving the Constitution, that means some people have got to die.” The FBI also alleges that “Thomas, Roberts and others discussed the need to obtain unregistered silencers and explosive devices for use in attacks against federal government buildings and employees, as well as against local police.”
This story hits all the marks. Crazy? Check. Southern? Check. Fox News tie-in? Check. An unhealthy lust for the Constitution? Check. Waffle House? Look, I’m going with “check” on this one. A lot of weird shit goes on at Waffle House. Remember the Florida legislator who wanted to bring back firing squads, Old Sparky, or “death by tossing a mofo over a bridge” because he was “so tired of being humane.” Where’d he get that idea? That’s right, it was a Waffle House.
Waffle House justice isn’t a joke, people.
[via Mother Jones]