Christian Nutbag Bryan Fischer Claims Jesus Would Whip Occupy Wall Street Protestors

Your Jesus sucks.

Bryan Fischer, spokesperson (excuse me “Director of Issues Analysis) for the right-wing American Family Association really let it all hang out with his latest screed.  He claimed that Jesus would not be down with this Occupy Wall Street business, and that if he were to come back today, he’d go right down to Zucotti Park and start cracking skulls:

Bryan Fischer: Would Jesus occupy Wall Street? Not on your life
Friday, October 28, 2011 10:23 AM

By Bryan Fischer

Follow me on Twitter: @BryanJFischer, on Facebook at “Focal Point”

A CNN anchor asked earlier this week whether or not Jesus would occupy Wall Street.

That question can be answered with a categorical “No.”

First, Jesus has no truck with rank, blatant hypocrites. The OWS crowd has now fallen to squabbling over who gets a slice of the $500,000 which has been donated to them, and which, by the way, they put in one of the evil, greedy banks they are out to destroy.

And the OWS crowd is thinking about incorporating! In other words, they’re about to become one of the evil corporations they claim to detest, as the Occupy Portland folks have already done.

And they’re royally hacked off at the vagrant homeless types trying to cadge free food from them. They’revgoing [sic] to feed them brown rice gruel this weekend instead of spaghetti bolognese to show them the depths of their compassion for the poor and downtrodden. No more soup for you!

So all of sudden that sharing the wealth business has lost its appeal. They’re tired of people freeloading off of them and taking advantage of them. To which we say, welcome to our world. Now you know why we have lost patience with all of liberalism and the entire welfare system.

So the OWSers want the greedy, evil corporations to share the wealth with them, but they don’t want to share their wealth with anybody, especially with the poor and needy flooding into their squatters’ camps. I’m sure Jesus would be happy to address the OWS crowd, and he’d probably begin his remarks with the scathing use of the word “hypocrites.”

Secondly, Jesus has no truck with those whose entire agenda is to flagrantly disobey two of the Ten Commandments of God.

God said, “Thou shalt not steal,” a commandment Jesus affirmed on numerous occasions. Stealing is wrong, and it doesn’t make it right when government does it under color of law.

But the OWS crowd wants to use the coercive power of government to take resources from some and involuntarily redistribute it to others. Namely, them. When government confiscates wealth by force from some citizens and transfers that wealth to others, that’s not welfare and it’s not compassion. It is nothing less than legalized plunder.

Jesus teaches the redistribution of wealth – as long as the transfer is voluntary. But he is adamantly opposed to the involuntary redistribution of wealth, because that violates the moral law of God and is profoundly wrong. His words to take care of the poor are not addressed to government, they are addressed to us.

And the OWS crowd is animated by a thoroughly ugly disregard for the 10th Commandment as well. God says, “Thou shalt not covet…any thing that is thy neighbor’s.” And yet the Occupiers are driven by a dark, bitter, resentful, angry and acquisitive greed for stuff that belongs to other people.

I submit that no political program that is predicated on a violation of twenty percent of God’s moral law can possibly be right, can possibly work, or can possibly be good for America.

Jesus took a whip to the thieves and the covetous in his day. If he were to come back and do the same thing today, he just might start in Zuccotti Park.

In other words, he might occupy Wall Street after all.

Dude. Naw.

There is so much failure in logic here.  According to Fischer, the 99 percent who have had their livelihood and hope  stolen from them by stock market gamblers and hedge fund con artists are actually attempting to steal from the one percent. I guess when the taxpayers bailed out the banks rather than suffer the economic apocalypse that Wall Street nearly caused, the taxpayers were simply doing their duty. But now that these taxpayers expect Wall Street to pay it forward (well, pay it backward, really), suddenly these taxpayers who make up ninety-nine percent of Americans are dirty no-good thieves.

Re-heally.

First, If Jesus “is adamantly opposed to the involuntary redistribution of wealth,” then I want my portion of the bailout money back.

Second, where in the Bible does Jesus talk about “voluntary redistribution of wealth”? I thought he was all about “Love thy neighbor,” and stuff.

Third, really? You think Jesus — the dude who was whipped and tortured worse than any man alive — would come back and start whipping occupiers in Zuccotti Park? When most of whom are there advocating for social and economic justice, and fairness?

I don’t know, about all of this, man. Your Jesus sounds like a dick.

And finally, how this man managed to write that “Occupiers are driven by a dark, bitter, resentful, angry and acquisitive greed for stuff that belongs to other people” without his pants immediately bursting into flames while, simultaneously, his nose shooting from his face, circumventing the globe, and then poking him in the back of the head is a fucking miracle.

Hey! Maybe God really does exist.

[Editor's Note: Bryan Fischer's twitter handle is @BryanJFischer: Why don't you let him know what you think about his Jesus. #YourJesusSucks.]

[via Right Wing Watch]