This fucking guy is going to cure you of your gay? Not bloody likely. He’s going to make your gay gayer.
Got some gay you’d like to rid yourself of? Dr. Marcus Bachmann is standing at attention, ready to serve you. You see, he thinks gay people are barbarians, and they need to be spanked disciplined:
We have to understand: barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined. Just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to go down that road. That’s what is called the sinful nature. We have a responsibility as parents and as authority figures not to encourage such thoughts and feelings from moving into the action steps…
And let’s face it: what is our culture, what is our public education system doing today? They are giving full, wide-open doors to children, not only giving encouragement to think it but to encourage action steps. That’s why when we understand what truly is the percentage of homosexuals in this country, it is small. But by these open doors, I can see and we are experiencing, that it is starting to increase.
You must be tough with gay barbarians –
– and you need to educate and discipline them.
Discipline them hard. Make sure you ride them day and night until you make them less gay — even if you yourself have to dial up the gay to an unreasonable level — say eleventy — to get them to be less gay.
You have to think gay to fight gay, is what I’m saying people, and you have to fight gay with gay.
You have to get alllll up inside their –
– heads.
IT JUST MAKES SENSE.
Oh, their heads — their pretty little heads with those luscious wavy locks blowing gently in the breeze like amber waves of grain…
I’m sorry, what were we talking about? Right. Larry Craig Marcus Bachmann:
Here’s Marcussss:
Oh fiddlesticks… my mistake.
Here’s Marcusssss:
So remember, if you suffer from an acute case of Teh Gheigh, make sure you visit Dr. Bachmann’s clinic — he’ll beat the gay riiiiight out of you, even if it takes all night.
And when you do pay him a visit, can you tell me if you can actually hear a swishing sound when he walks? Because sweet Mary Mother of Gay, homeboy is gayer than the holidays –
– not that there’s anything wrong with that.
UPDATED: Even Cher’s gaydar is going PING PING PING PING!
Q.E.D.
[via Rump Roast]
(Special thanks to Betty Cracker! The motivational image is kick ass = win.)
[cross-posted at Balloon Juice]
I gotta say I’m glad to see lady Marks secret, “isn’t”. This guy is so effeminate it can”t be a secret. No wonder he and his sister-in-law don’t get along. As her “advisor” I’m willing to bet he’s very involved in her wardrobe. Say what you will about the void that is MB, she does dresss well.
What happens when my two favorite ladies tag-team the internets?
AWESOME SAUCE!
Kudos to Betty and ABL.
I’m fucking dying over here.
I’ve seen tighter wrists at a Mr. Leather contest.
I’m gonna go ahead and give myself a congratulatory H/T for the Cher tweets.
When I first heard this audio clip on the news last week, I spit out my beer and saw this coming up fast!!!
People who don’t know what they’re talking about should STFU. I taught in a public high school for 33 years until 2009. He’s trying to blame a person being a homosexual on public schools! I guess he never heard of curricula. This man shouldn’t be trying to teach anyone anything until he learns what it means to be a real Christian. I’m on Cher’s side. How dare this man disparage one of God’s children! I hate to see ignorance of this sort gaining a foothold in our country. IMO, when one of us doesn’t have all of our civil rights, it diminishes all of us. I wonder how Little Marcus and Little Chelley would have felt to be black like me in 1950s and 1960s America? Has it ever occurred to Little Marcus that what people do in their very OWN bedrooms has nothing to do with what he and Little Chelley do in theirs? This makes me sooo angry, and it also makes me wonder why it is always the “keep government out of my business” types who invade people’s personal lives. I guess Little Marcus and Little Chelley haven’t seen the recent polls that show that the majority of Americans don’t have a problem with homosexuals or gay marriage. Use that boa, Cher.
I was disciplined (spanked!) to the high heavens as a child, and I’m still gay as a goose at age 62!