Brains Wide Shut.
Unless you’ve been trapped under something heavy for the past few days (or are sensible and have given up trying to follow the goings-on of Our Lady of Meese Hunting), you are likely aware that the “Rootin’ Tootin’ I Can See Putin” Sarah Palin Commemorative Family Vacation Slash Bus Tour is underway — and to hilarious effect.
But before we keep on bussin’, y’all, let’s get one thing clear: Sarah Palin is not running for President. I repeat: Sarah Palin is not running for President.
She’s smart enough to know how stupid she is. She’s smart enough to know that Obama would figuratively wipe the debate floor with her ass.
She’s also smart enough to know that she does not have the intellectual wherewithal to spend the time required to be able to answer such hard-hitting questions as: “Which newspapers do you read?”
Sarah is a grifter, and grifters gonna grift.
Sarah is also an attention hog, which means that she is going to be a thorn in the side of T-Paw or Mr. Kitten Mittens, or whomever ends up falling ass over elbow into the Republican nomination.
That said, let’s review the latest in “Sarah Palin Does the Darndest Things,” shall we?
Over the weekend, there was Sarah’s reliance on her primitive handeprompter:
And today there was the visit to the great “Statute” of Liberty –
– where Sarah said things — Very Serious Unintelligible Things:
“This Statue of Liberty was gifted to us by foreign leaders, really as a warning to us, it was a warning to us to stay unique and to stay exceptional from other countries. Certainly not to go down the path of other countries that adopted socialist policies,” Palin said to cheers from the crowd.
And this:
“Lady Liberty is the symbol of unity and friendship we have with other freedom-loving nations. It’s also a “warning” of sorts, as France encouraged us to keep democracy alive as the recipient of this gift… basically telling us not to blow it. Thank you for this reminder, France!”
Whaaaaa?!
Sweet Cheesus, won’t someone tell the Duchess von Winkington that speaking generally involves more than stringing random words together?
Come to think of it, has anyone considered that the reason she is so frequently pictured in the woods doing woodsy shit is that she’s some sort of modern-day Mowgli? Laugh if you must, but have you watched theThe Jungle Book lately?
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: [Kitty is teaching Mowgli how to talk] These are animals.
Mowgli: Theeze aur animals.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Animals are our friends.
Mowgli: Animals aur aur friend. What friend?
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: I’m your friend, and, uh, Doctor Plumford’s your friend.
Dr. Julien Plumford: Tongue depressor. Also friend.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Birds are beautiful.
Mowgli: Birds
[Doctor Plumford puts a tongue depressor in Mowgli's mouth, and Mowgli can only mumble]
Mowgli: aur beautiful.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Doctor Plumford, please.
Dr. Julien Plumford: Kitty, I am trying to examine him.
[looks at Mowgli]
Dr. Julien Plumford: Kitty is pest.
Mowgli: Pest.
Dr. Julien Plumford: You see, he understands.
Mowgli: [to Kitty] You’s pest.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: No, no. You are pest. You *are* pest. Are. Are.
Mowgli: Aur. Au
[Doctor Plumford puts the tongue depressor in Mowgli's mouth]
Mowgli: Auaa, aaa, aaa.
Dr. Julien Plumford: Good.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Birds are beautiful.
Mowgli: Birds are beautiful. So is you.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: So *are* you.
Mowgli: Yes. You are.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Thank you.
Dr. Julien Plumford: Picking up fast, isn’t he.
And –
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: So can you speak with the animals?
Mowgli: Yes, but they speak not as men speak. With animals, every move, every look, every sound, has a meaning.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Ahh.
Mowgli: The jungle speaks to me. Because I’ve learned how to listen.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: If you could have spoken to me the first time in the jungle, what would you have said? Did you, uh… did you feel anything?
Mowgli: Fire.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Fire?
Mowgli: Great fire.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Oh… It’s late, we’d better go.
Mowgli: Please. Stay here. With me.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: I can’t. There are conventions, formalities. Things that are just not done. I must do what is civilized.
Mowgli: What must I do?
Fire.
Great fire. Sarah should ceremoniously hurl herself into one, and then die in it.
[via Oliver Willis and Bob Cesca's Awesome Blog]
[cross-posted at Balloon Juice]
WHY IS THE MEDIA RUNNING AFTER HER ON THE HIGHWAYS?!?!!1!!ELEVEN!
*headdesk*
*headdesk*
*headdesk*
*headdesk*
*headdesk*
ow.
*headdesk*
*headdesk*
ETA: See how upset I am? I forgot that “media” is plural! WHY ARE THE MEDIA, etc, etc.
Well, I suppose you could ask why “mediums” are running after Palin, though she’s only dead from the neck up!
That gibberish reads like a book report written by a 12-year-old who hasn’t read the book.
i keep reading it hoping to divine some meaning from it.
like france gave us the statue and was all “we already fucked up. we’re totes socialist. take this statute as a warning not to become socialist like us?”
wtf?!
12-year-olds the world around are waiting for your apology.
LOL :-)
Disagree. She is NOT smart enough to know she’s not smart enough.
S
M
H
Now she’s in Boston—and she managed to find a parking space downtown.
More at possibleexperience.blogspot.com
Now in Boston… doesn’t she remember that those of us who live in large cities aren’t “real” Americans? Could this be her “apology- please vote for me” tour?
Just read that Palin wore a Star of David while touring New York.
http://www.viciousbabushka.com/2011/06/sarah-palin-visits-jew-york-city.html
Since the article mentions the Divine Miss Palin’s “woodsy” activities, I’d like to point out that some real hunters have commented that she looks like she doesn’t really know what she’s doing when she’s hunting. They were referring to her TV show about life in Alaska.
I’m just sayin’ . . .