Yeah.... You look just that dopey.
It comes over me every spring, a rant that builds up inside my head until it comes flying out of my mouth. My sainted husband, patient friends, occasional strangers have gotten a real earful. Every spring.
There I sit, in my car, humming a ditty or having a friendly chat, when bam! Into my line of vision hoves the biggest moron on two wheels: the helmetless motorcyclist.
Now, you may say your Uncle Mike is actually the world’s biggest moron, but I won’t believe you, unless your Uncle Mike also likes to get on bright, shiny objects going upward of 70 m.p.h. with nothing but bone between his brains and the pavement. Oh, I’m sorry — bone and possibly a jauntily knotted bandanna.
But the helmetless? They might as well get up of a morning, look in the mirror and shout: “Looks like a great day to die! And hey — maybe I’ll ruin a stranger’s life too!”
Because here’s the thing: When you insist that helmet laws infringe on your God-given right to have wind in your hair; when you deny the research that says helmets don’t (actually) limit vision or hearing; when you ignore the fact that 38 percent fewer riders die in accidents if their heads are protected; when you, I don’t know, are too embarrassed to look like a dork, you’re not just choosing your own messy, God-awful death (or catastrophic brain injury) — you are consigning me to a life of misery.
If my car and your bike meet — even if it’s your fault, even if it’s no one’s fault — I will never sleep again. I will see your blood, your broken face, your weeping children, your shattered parents every day and every night for the rest of my life. Because I was behind the wheel, because my car happened to get all messed up in your search for some kind of freedom in which the needs of no one else (least of all your parents or children) were a factor.
Sure, the roads are filled with abysmal drivers, and oil gets spilled, and rain can get the best of anyone. But drivers control what is, or is not, on their heads.
If you want to try to cheat death, I have no doubt that that is truly up to you. But please, don’t risk my peace of mind to do it. I have kids too.
A version of this piece ran a few years back in the Chicago Tribune, and then a year later in the Hartford Courant (the Hartford version isn’t online anymore — you’ll have to trust me!), and my i.d. at the bottom of the piece (at least in Hartford) went like this: “Emily L. Hauser is a cranky freelance writer who lives in Illinois, where there are no helmet laws whatsoever.”
And it’s all still true.
Crossposted at Emily L. Hauser In My Head.
Umm… My name is Mike and I happen to be an Uncle…
I don’t think I like this rant very much. However, I do have to agree… Helmets seem necessary when riding a motorcyle.
No, no, YOUR Uncle Mike might be a moron! Not you, Mike, who happens to be an uncle. You’re totes in the clear!
I don’t think motorcycles should be legal at all, but if they are then you shouldn’t have to wear a helmet. I’m an absolutist.
What in the world does one have to do with the other? Why not be an absolutist in the sense that you have to wear a full-face helmet and armor?
Do you think children shouldn’t have to wear helmets while riding bicycles, either?
My husband and one of my sons are riders. They both consider a helmet absolutely essential. My 25 yr old in particular advocates “all the gear, all the time” which includes boots, heavy pants, gloves, reinforced jacket and full helmet with face guard.
I have seen riders in my corner of Ohio out in flip-flops, shorts, tank tops, and no helmet. Not only will they risk breaking their skulls in an accident they will also leave most of their epidermis on the pavement after they finish sliding down the road.
Why do you think they call them “donorcycles”?
I always thought there was something cool and romantic about NOT wearing a helmet. Then I watched “Easy Rider” and saw Hopper and Fonda wore helmets in the film (though interestingly enough, not on the movie’s promo poster). You don’t get much cooler than those guys. Besides, maintaining an injury free brain is also nice.
“maintaining an injury free brain is also nice” – indeed!
I just be stealing that now, to promote this post on the Twitter. Don’t mind me.
Even if it doesn’t kill you….
Gary Busey crashed his motorcycle without a helmet.
Now he’s a Trump supporter.
yep, yep, I hear you. And I am one of those helmetless riders of which you speak. It’s pretty dumb and I have actually wiped out all on my own without any help and gotten a concussion once. I would like to take this opportunity to promise right here and now that I will wear my helmet from now on.
Yayyy! Thank you! ::blows kisses::
Thank you for not scowling at me for not wearing a helmet up until now! Going to get a new one this weekend, maybe one that doesn’t make me look too dorky. Just dorky enough.
I’ve only rode 3 times in 15 years of riding without a helmet. A helmet makes it easier for me to pay attention to the world, and it’s tons more comfy. Hope you find the same.
“Just dorky enough” is exactly the look you’re going for here!
Good luck with your new brain protector!
I always wear my helmet but the argument that I always hear from experienced bikers who don’t like it (and I have no idea if it’s true or not) is that DOT approved helmets only protect you up to 20 mph or something like that.
That’s a misreading of the data. DOT only helmets are better than Snell + DOT helmets in low speed crashes. DOT only helmets are essentially softer, so they are better there. But… Medium to high speed crashes overwhelm them. Above 20 or so, DOT + Snell is much better. But the best helmet is, of course, one you’ll wear. :)