It’s spring vacation, chez Emily L. Hauser, which translates to a certain lack of time and/or ability to focus and/or concentrate for the parent-blogger…! Thus: recycled (but hopefully interesting) material. The following ran some time ago at In My Head, but sadly (inevitably, it seems) the topic remains ever-green, so I thought to give it an airing over here, as well.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately, for reasons I’m not entirely clear on, about the ways we use words that mean “female human” to insult each other.
There’s “scream like a little girl,” of course, which, you know — ok. Little girls are high-pitched. It’s meant as an insult, but there’s some grain of reality to be found in it. Perhaps I will someday “scream like a linebacker” or “like a South Pacific Islander.” Or something.
But once you get past “scream,” there’s:
- Throw like a girl.
- Run like a girl.
- Hit like a girl.
Not to mention:
- Pussy out.
- Be a pussy.
- Be a little bitch.
- Be X’s bitch.
And so on.
In the largest, broadest sense, I believe that these kinds of insults hurt us all, male and female alike. The recent bullying-related suicides of several gay-or-maybe-gay boys have their roots deeply buried in our fear of males behaving in anything but a society-approved-manly fashion. Witness the clear discomfort experienced by adults when five year old boys choose to wear girls’ clothing.
Witness that, and then think about women in pants suits, or girls in jeans. When women adopt and co-opt a traditionally male form of dress, we are empowering ourselves. When men adopt and co-opt a traditionally female form of dress — they get beat up. Because we do not value women as we value men, and we are frightened when men choose to give up the prerogatives of their gender. So, yes, everyone suffers when we continue to maintain and perpetuate misogyny.
But women and girls suffer more. Because we are the ones you shouldn’t be like.
I’ve known this for years, of course. I’m not new to noticing misogyny. I’m not new to feeling its sting and pushing at its edges. But it’s suddenly struck me how powerfully we telegraph our contempt for women merely by opening our mouths and starting to talk.
You throw like a girl. Don’t pussy out on me, bro! I’m gonna make that job my bitch! Close your eyes for a moment, and substitute any other person-naming noun/pejorative for the words “girl,” “pussy,” and “bitch.”
You throw like an Asian. Don’t Hymie out on me, bro! I’m gonna make that job my nigger!
Suddenly, the mind reels a bit.
Good lord, like most non-racist white people, I had a hard time just typing the n-word — but absolutely stand-up folks, men and women alike, without an otherwise bigoted bone in their bodies, will insult each other with words that describe me and my body, with nary a second thought. They will do it loudly, among friends, in print, on television, in movies. It’s just, you know: The way we talk.
But I cannot help but believe that we hear these things, we women and girls, we hear them, and we steep in them, and they go in and down and twist and burrow into us, and they damage us. They leave vapor trails in our thoughts and scars on our hearts. They tell us, day in and day out, that we are weak, we are not worthy, our bodies are the stuff of mockery.
When you’re someone’s bitch? You’re under their violently-wrested control. When you’re a pussy? You’re untrustworthy. When you’re a girl? You are just plain weak.
And who the fuck would want to be any of that?
Crossposted at Emily L. Hauser In My Head.
Excellent post, Emily. And so familiar to me from my life.
Thank you so much – and though I’ve told you this before, I do believe it bears repeating, and so repeat it I shall:
Homophobia and misogyny are the bastard conjoined twins of a heteronormative power structure and the fears of those who maintain it.
And THAT should go on a bumper sticker.
Would that fit on a bumper sticker?
What has appalled me is how often, in criticizing President Obama, the language of misogyny and homophobia is constantly in use by the right and worse, by the left. I turned off Nicole Sandler sitting in for Randi Rhodes today because the first sentence I heard when I tuned in was her saying that Obama needs to man up and not wuss out of [Whatever, that was enough for me]. Wuss, pussy, wimp, coward, the right’s bitch, etc, etc. Really? I thought the hallmark of being liberal was a little bit more thoughtful sensitivity about the uses of language.
It’s sickening, Emily. I’m boycotting two of the best produced programs onTV because
I feel murderous watching the treatmen of women, regardless of historical accuracy (Boardwalk Empire & Mad Men)
Fast forward to Dancing With the Stars where some cast members shy away from “feminine moves” for fear their maleness will be questioned. (I’m on medical leave now, so a lot of TV references)
My sister and I were fortunate – grew up with a mother who refused to be categorized, belittled or limited in any way due to gender, and a father who was on the same page.
I’m no one’s bitch; I’m also not anyone’s darling, honey, or sweetheart, either. (Well, I would be one person’s I just don’t have that someone at the moment but that’s a different subject.) However, sorry, I think Sarah Palin is a bitch. Maybe there’s a better word for a nasty, mean-spirited, spiteful, hateful, incurious hatemonger. I don’t use the word lightly and I don’t mean it in a sexist or misogynistic way but it’s an all-encompassing word that seems to fit. But, I’m willing to change if someone will give me a better word.
And when women like Mariah Carey with her infamous first pitch quit doing stupid stuff that reinforce the “throws like a girl” meme maybe folks would have less reason to say it. :)
try twatwaffle. :)
I have problems with “twat” but I can go with “twitwaffle.” That’s rather catchy. Maybe I’ll make the dictionary like “refudiate.”
I love the movie The Hangover. I didn’t at first, but it has become one of my go-to movies; if it’s on, I’m watching.
One tiny bit I love is at the end where Ed Helms’s character breaks up with his girlfriend and he yells at her “You are such a bbb–ad person.” Not a bitch. A bad person.
Later, when Zach Galifianakis’s character makes a smart ass remark, the girlfriend says “suck my dick.” he says “no thanks.”
i love that the screenwriter/s didn’t take the easy way out by having Ed** call her a bitch, and I love that he flipped it and had her saying “suck my dick.”
little things.
baby steps.
etc.
**(i can call him that because we went to college together.)
wow, who just dropped a name in here? sheesh!
I wish I could throw like this girl. And, Elisabeth, I just call her a Mean Girl ‘coz that’s what she is. Then again, I have reclaimed bitch for myself because many tough, strong, resilient women have been called bitches for being ‘too aggressive’.
Ah yes! I have a girl crush on Jennie Finch.