FREEEDUM! 
In a stunning display of Teabilly slacktivism, Palinites are planning to block traffic for an hour in order to – to – well what the fuck do I know what they’re doing it for:1
Sarah Palin called the Obama Administration’s actions as [sic] the “Road to Ruin”! [Uh, no. The Road to Ruin broke ground when you were born. Heyo!] Like most of the USA now, we at Stand Up America think it is a great way to express yourself and learn what is really happening to our country , so what can we do? [Let me get this straight: You think that pulling one’s car over to the side of the road is a great way to learn what is really happening to our country? Like, seriously? Are you planning on reading a history book while you sit there blocking traffic? Besides, I doubt you can find five Teabillies who think that sitting on the side of the road on a Sunday afternoon is a great way to express themselves. I suppose we should be thankful -- it's less frightening than the traditional Teabilly method, which is to show up to a rally armed to the teeth with guns and misspelled signs. So thanks for deciding simply to pull your cars over to the side of the road and just sit there pretending to make phone calls as opposed to, I don’t know, blowing cars up on the side of the road. (P.S., if you’re doing that last thing I mentioned, call me! I’ve always wanted to blow up a car for freedom.)]
Well, it seems the normal methods do not work because of entrenched political machinery, moneyed interests, power seeking for power’s sake, and a media that is just plan [sic] in the tank. [Toilet or fish?]
In the past, petitions were signed, marches on Washington and elsewhere were held [I remember the great civil rights March on Washington and Elsewhere -- those were heady times], Tea Parties were created [by the Kochsuckers], letters were written [in broken Teabilly English], calls were made [using tin cans and string], new representatives were elected, yet, the road to ruin is still there [where, exactly?], and the Obama Administration has the pedal to the floor, the speedometer is pegged, and there are no brakes. [Talk about metaphor salad. Crikey. "The Obama Administration is on the road to ruin, leading a gift horse to water, looking in its mouth, and making it drink soshulism!] All our efforts have for the most part FAILED! [Oh no, you’re wrong there – they have ENTIRELY failed.]
So how do we make our voices known? [There are known voices and unknown voices, and you will hear us by the trail of dead.] How do we finally succeed? [Never gonna happen.] How do we send a clear message that cannot be twisted by the media, misinterpreted by politicians, or co-opted by Obama apologists? [Hey, you can have this one. We Obots have better shit to do than pull our fancy elitist arugula-fueled cars over to the side of the road and just sit there.] Well, we have come up with one interesting new way. [You're overselling it.] Are you game? It won’t cost you any money short of a gallon of gas. It won’t take much of your time, only about an hour. It won’t mean travel to distant cities. It won’t mean crowds to wade through, and it won’t interfere with your life too much. [Shorter: It won’t mean DOING ANYTHING OF VALUE and you'll be home in time for Leno.]2
What it will be is FUN [and by "FUN" we mean "ASININE"], and a great way to vent your frustration [also a great way to vent carbon monoxide into your car ::crosses fingers::], without being labeled [jackass], or maligned [descended from a clan of jackasses]!
Here is what is planned:
• Sunday, March 13th, 2011 – 4 PM Eastern, 3 PM Central, 2 PM Mountain, and 1 PM Pacific time;
• We want everyone to get into their cars, trucks, motorcycles, RVs, Semis, box trucks, and any other vehicle, and drive to your nearest highway or main route;
• Don’t go far, just enough to get in a safe position to pull over to the shoulder, and park, engine running, headlights and flashers on;
• Why? To take a cell call, or make one or several. After all, law enforcement recommends that you pull over to the side to take your call or text.
• Hook up a boat trailer, a snow mobile hauler, or anything to make the line look miles and miles long, bring your tractor-trailer;
• Set up a long motorcycle run to a STOP;
• Get your car club involved to show off those great hot rods and collectibles;
• Imagine others driving by wondering “what the heck”? Wave to everyone;
• Get ten friends to do the same; or go to an over pass and hang temporary signs saying – “Time to stop!” Just imagine the imagery! But be SAFE!
• Once pulled over to the side, place calls or texts to your friends, take pictures, send tweets, flood Facebook with messages and photos, along with several million others on other highways across the land.
• Stay one hour if you can, get your friends to do the same, line up all your vehicles in a safe manner as far off the side as you can, and hit your horns.
• One hour gives the media a chance to react, a chance to get footage. Imagine the traffic reports!
• Hang a sign inside your back window, or use temporary soap to write a message safely on the window;
• Be a part of millions of people saying: “Stop the madness, we are pulling over and just stopping!”
Imagine the image, when every news outlet in the USA must take notice.
Helicopters recording the event, YouTube filling with videos from every spot in America, with one message: “Just Stop”! Imagine seeing 300 cars pulled over for miles in California, in Texas, in New Jersey…etc.
Imagine the evening news and cable stations saying, “What the heck is going on?”
Do the math. If a car is 17 feet long, and 10 feet is maintained between each vehicle, it takes only 195 cars to stretch one mile. Imagine 500 tractor trailers pulling over for one hour! That’s over seven miles!
Be SAFE though!
• Be safe, peaceful, patient, kind, considerate, cautious, and alert;
• Be respectful, and patriotic to a fault;
• Stay away from congested areas, you know where they are, do some research;
• Leave plenty of room so you can pull back out safely, in turn, one-at-a-time;
• Help each other when stopping or starting back out into traffic lanes;
• Be courteous to your fellow “Stoppers”;
• Do not do anything illegal, and do not get out and walk, Observe and obey all laws;
• Don’t cause any interference with the flow of traffic;
• Do not disobey any lawful order;
• Be the PATRIOTIC icon of virtue that you are!
• BE SAFE!!!
We are on the “Road to Ruin”, and we are stopping on the side of that road to protest the downfall of our country!
We are not going to drive on that road anymore!
I can’t even continue trying to make fun of this. This has got to be some of the goddamn stupidest shit I’ve ever read, and I read Atlas Shrugged. I’m actually stupider for having read that nonsense. I mean, really. What a bunch of assclowns. They think that getting a bunch of fools to drive to a nearby freeway and then sit there on the side of the road under the pretext of making a phone call — is “akin to a sit-in.”
No. Just no.
The sit-ins of the civil rights era were about protesting segregation, and calling attention to the unfair and unequal treatment black people faced in the South. They required commitment to the cause, belief in what you were fighting sitting for, and strength in the face of violence perpetrated by those who would deny fair treatment.
Take the famous Woolworth’s sit-in. Four black students wanted to eat at Woolworth’s, but pursuant to store policy, were refused service. So those four students sat there in protest. On the first day, four people sat. Then twenty people sat on the second day. Then sixty on the third day and three hundred on the fourth day. They sat and sat for six months until they achieved their goal — desegregation.
A sit-in requires “sitting in” a place such that passers-by (and eventually the media) would assume that the location of the sit-in had committed some transgression against those sitting there. That’s what “sit-in” means. It doesn’t mean “drive somewhere at 4 pm on a Sunday and ‘sit in’ your fucking car for an hour.
Sit-ins have a tangible goal. What’s the tangible goal here, Palinites? The cessation of construction on the Road to Ruin? Would you like metaphorical cones to be placed on the Road to Ruin? Perhaps a sign? “CONSTRUCTION FIGURATIVELY HALTED DUE TO LACK OF METAPHORICAL FUNDS.”
COME ON!
And this — “It won’t take much of your time, only about an hour. It won’t mean travel to distant cities. It won’t mean crowds to wade through, and it won’t interfere with your life too much” – are you kidding me with this? If you are fighting for something — if you really feel oppressed and feel as if people are “treading on” you – you don’t go sit in your car and Twitter for an hour. You don’t take action only if it “won’t take much of your time.” You go out there and you sit in your car for as long as it takes! You think on the first day of his first hunger strike, Gandhi was all, “I’m just gonna not eat… for, like, an hour. Hopefully those bloody colonialists will notice.”
Jesus H. Bieber. The idiocracization of America continues.3
1 Unsullied Text: “Sarah Palin called the Obama Administration’s actions as the “Road to Ruin”! Like most of the USA now, we at Stand Up America think it is a great way to express yourself and learn what is really happening to our country, so what can we do? Well, it seems the normal methods do not work because of entrenched political machinery, moneyed interests, power seeking for power’s sake, and a media that is just plan in the tank. In the past, petitions were signed, marches on Washington and elsewhere were held, Tea Parties were created, letters were written, calls were made, new representatives were elected, yet, the road to ruin is still there, and the Obama Administration has the pedal to the floor, the speedometer is pegged, and there are no brakes. All our efforts have for the most part FAILED! So how do we make our voices known? How do we finally succeed? How do we send a clear message that cannot be twisted by the media, misinterpreted by politicians, or co-opted by Obama apologists? Well, we have come up with one interesting new way. Are you game? It won’t cost you any money short of a gallon of gas. It won’t take much of your time, only about an hour. It won’t mean travel to distant cities. It won’t mean crowds to wade through, and it won’t interfere with your life too much. What it will be is FUN, and a great way to vent your frustration, without being labeled, or maligned!
2 I know Leno is a weeknight show. CREATIVE LICENSE.
3 Brought to you by Carl’s Jr.™
UPDATE: A reader informed me that March 13, the intended day of this “drive-in” is daylight savings. So half of these morons aren’t even going to know what time to “drive in.” Oh, Teabillies. You’re so stupid.
(H/T Deb!)
[via Wonkette]
cross-posted here at Balloon Juice]
You’re made of awesome sauce. No one could have done this as well as you!! I particularly like the part about hooking up their boats – because only a Tea Partier would be stupid enough to be fooled into thinking there were more people there because of a BOAT ON A TRAILER. But clearly, they think they have the mental upperhand here cause they’re a-gonna fake us all out. I laughed for 5 minutes reading the article. Reading your spin on the article gave me at least another 5 or 6 minutes of laughter!
Okay, its finally happened. I can’t tell the difference between reality and ‘The Onion’. Thank you Cheebus, I have reached a state of mindless ecstasy. Speaking of which, anyone got drugs? Although I don’t know why I’d bother.
She does know her audience well – how will the Lame-Stream Media know what to cover unless it is something of EPIC lame proportions? People in Wisconsin are SO trendy with their sit-ins and their actually GOING WHERE THE JACKHOLE WHO PISSED THEM OFF WORKS…….let’s be trendsetters and just pull over to Tweet, text, and generaly look asinine.
Idiocracy, indeed.
It’s sad when this is your best strategy to get back in favor with a party that’s starting to think Michele freakin’ Bachmann is better suited to run for the White House than you are.
Damn.
When somebody pulls over up here in the mountains they either taking a leak or gettin’ a buzz. Sure ain’t trying to make a political statement. And wouldn’t a boat look stupid. I got some elm to split that isn’t as hard as Palin’s head so I better get to it. Boats?
Heh, your comment about the misspelled signs reminded me of the sign a teacher held up in Madison during the Tea Party “counter rally” – “Free spell-check for signs”.
The Tea Partiers are so stupid they don’t even recognize how stupid they are.
And here’s what it’ll look like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijZRCIrTgQc
I didn’t think you could take mobility scooters on the highway, but whatever.