The Montana GOP's Latest Assault on Teh Gayz

Fucking hell, Montana.

A couple weeks ago, Montana found itself in the news because of some Tea Party-related asshattery — Tim Ravndal, the former president of the Big Sky Tea Party, thought it would be awesome sauce to make fun of Matthew Shepard’s death at the hands of homophobic assholes.

Now, the Montana GOP is adding fuel to the homophobic fire.  They want to make homosexuality illegal.

Um… WHAT!?

Yeah.  It’s appalling:

At a time when gays have been gaining victories across the country, the Republican Party in Montana still wants to make homosexuality illegal.

The party adopted an official platform in June that keeps a long-held position in support of making homosexual acts illegal, a policy adopted after the Montana Supreme Court struck down such laws in 1997.

The fact that it’s still the official party policy more than 12 years later, despite a tidal shift in public attitudes since then and the party’s own pledge of support for individual freedoms, has exasperated some GOP members.

“I looked at that and said, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’” state Sen. John Brueggeman, R-Polson, said last week. “Should it get taken out? Absolutely. Does anybody think we should be arresting homosexual people? If you take that stand, you really probably shouldn’t be in the Republican Party.”

…

Seriously?  Render unto me a fucking break.  WE ARE PAST THIS, ASSHATS!!  The only gay stuff we should be talking about is whether or not Don’t Ask Don’t Tell should be repealed, and whether or not gay marriage bans are unconstitutional.  These debates are still “up in the air” (except they aren’t for those of us who actually believe in individual freedom, not simply individual freedom as viewed through a Christian lens).  What is not up for debate is whether or not homosexuality is illegal.  IT ISN’T.  THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT ALREADY SAID SO.¹

So, what the crap?! What is going on with the GOP in Montana?

I think that the GOP is gearing up for the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell fight.  It’s gonna go like this:

GOP ASSHAT: We don’t like gay people!  They don’t belong in the military!  I don’t want my husband serving alongside some homo who’s going to be ogling his junk in the showers!

GOP ASSHAT NO. 2: Yeah!  Gay people suck!  And they’re taking over the country with their homo agenda.  We need to set them straight.  And we definitely need to keep their rainbow asses out of the military.  But how?  They’ve already infilitrated.  People are starting to not give a shit about gay marriage!  GAY MARRIAGE!  They have infected our most venerable institution!  What are we supposed to do?

GOP ASSHAT NO. 3: Hey, I have an idea!  What if we go back to arcane bullshit?  Let’s talk about old shit.  Let’s talk about arresting ‘mos!  Criminalizing gay sex!  Burning the sodomites!  Let’s get the government involved in our bedrooms!  So what if that is antithetical to our “less government” crap.  Everybody knows we mean less government when it comes to stuff we don’t like (taxes, paying for shit), but MOAR GOVERNMENT when it comes to abortions and gay sex.  We will force everyone to have teh babies!  And we will force everyone to have sex with the people WE want them to have sex with!  Like me!

GOP ASSHAT: Excellent idea, Asshat No. 3!  And what’s great about it is that no one will call us out on our hypocrisy because we’re Republicans.  The world “hypocrite” just rolls off our back like water off Jheri curls.

GOP ASSHAT NO. 3: Exactly!  Those pesky ‘mos think we forgot about them.  We’ve been so worked up over taxes, healthcare, and oh noes Mooslimz!!, the queers probably thought they were safe.  Well, we’ve got news for them!

GOP ASSHATS IN UNISON: NO ONE IS SAFE!!

GOP ASSHAT NO. 3: And after those librulz spend so much time being outraged about our attempt to recriminalize homosexuality, they will lose sight of the DADT goal!  And after the DADT repeal effort fails, everyone will shrug and say, “Well, at least homosexuality isn’t illegal anymore!“

Newsflash for you Asshats: Criminalizing homosexuality is unconstitutional.  IT IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

Jesus F. Christ.  So if you love the Constitution, you better love you some gay sex.

Jus’ sayin’.

¹ Lawrence v. Texas, bitches:

Resolution of this case depends on whether petitioners were free as adults to engage in private conduct in the exercise of their liberty under the Due Process Clause. For this inquiry the Court deems it necessary to reconsider its Bowers [v. Hardwick] holding. The Bowers Court’s initial substantive statement–“The issue presented is whether the Federal Constitution confers a fundamental right upon homosexuals to engage in sodomy … ,”–discloses the Court’s failure to appreciate the extent of the liberty at stake. To say that the issue in Bowers was simply the right to engage in certain sexual conduct demeans the claim the individual put forward, just as it would demean a married couple were it said that marriage is just about the right to have sexual intercourse. Although the laws involved in Bowers and here purport to do not more than prohibit a particular sexual act, their penalties and purposes have more far-reaching consequences, touching upon the most private human conduct, sexual behavior, and in the most private of places, the home. The [laws criminalizing homosexuality] seek to control a personal relationship that, whether or not entitled to formal recognition in the law, is within the liberty of persons to choose without being punished as criminals. The liberty protected by the Constitution allows homosexual persons the right to choose to enter upon relationships in the confines of their homes and their own private lives and still retain their dignity as free persons.