If you hate Justen Bever [sic] SINE!1
Angry Black commenter and friend SeaKat took this picture at her daughter’s summer day camp. This is the kind of picture that restores your faith in humanity, isn’t it?
[Ear and/or eyemuff your children if you're going to click after the jump. And if you're letting your kids read my blog, there's something wrong with your mind-head]
First, there’s the “KICK ME” sign. A classic. It brings back memories of a simpler time. Before Myspace and text messaging. Brilliant.
Second, there’s the sun booing Justin Bieber/Beaver. The sun. The fucking sun hates the Bieber. Marvelous.
Third, there are, by my count, thirty-three black kids standing in what appears to be a malformed pyramid. Awesome. (What’s up with the guy off to the right? Child molester, maybe? He looks suspicious. I don’t like him.)
Fourth, the Beaver is wearing glasses and looks fucking crazy.
And then there’s Toby.
Toby, the lone “Beaver”-loving wolf didn’t work himself up into a frenzy. No. He expressed his displeasure with the “sine” in a courteous manner:
“Honestly, I’m a big fan of Justin Beaver and this offends me. Toby.”
There’s something about Toby’s tone that makes me think Toby is a genius. It’s like he saw “Bever” and went all meta on everybody’s ass. I mean, I don’t know how old this Toby kid is, but that comment is pure gold on so many levels. It’s wry and ironic and endearing and polite.
I love that he didn’t use a valediction.2
No “Love, Toby,” or “Respectfully yours, Toby,” or “Sincerely, Toby.”
Just “Toby.”
Toby, full stop.
Toby period
It’s the perfect comment. But I think it needs something. it needs some profanity. I kind of want to add a “motherfuckers” to it.
“Honestly, I’m a big fan of Justin Beaver and this offends me, motherfuckers. Toby.”
or maybe,
“Honestly, motherfuckers? I’m a big fan of Justin Beaver and this offends me. Toby.”
No… definitely this one:
“Honestly, I’m a big fan of Justin Beaver, motherfuckers, and this shit offends me. Toby.”
Bravo, Toby.
Bravo.
1 If the kid had written “If you hate Justen Bever COSINE!” well I would have kidnapped that kid because that kid would have someday ruled the land, and I would have been his or her minion.
2 It’s the opposite of a salutation. I just looked it up.
(Thank you Seakat for taking this photo!)
this just made my day.
hiya, bex! thanks for reading and commenting.
and down with bieber!
God, I love how your mind works — sort of like my own, lol.
Maybe it was Toby from The Office.
Oh shit, this just made my day. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.
Even Zeus in the clouds doesnt like Justin Bieber, pretty sure he is up to no good with that lightening bolt.
I hadn’t noticed that! Ha! I also like how Justin Bever’s head is on fire.
I keep coming back to this. If I’m having a bad day at work I come back to this picture and laugh my ass off. This is the most awesome art ever.
Toby/Seakitten 2054
I love. I used to tutor a kid who had a four-page handwritten plan on how to become WWE of WWF or whateverthefuck it is these days tag-team champions with his upstairs neighbor. He had a theme song. He had designed streetwear and his wrestling costume. He had a list that included betrayals and getting back together with his partner. It still touches me.