Somebody call a waaaaahmbulance. 
Oh, for the love of cheese. It’s not enough that BP is responsible for the worst enviromental disaster in US history, and maybe in the entire fucking world (The only worse environmental disaster I can think of off the top of my head is Chernobyl.)
Now, some conservatives are complaining that Barack Obama is being too hard on BP. I mean, it’s not like it’s BP’s fault that the oil is threatening the very existence of nearly 400 species of wildlife. It’s not BP’s fault that tens of millions of gallons of oil have gushed and are STILL FUCKING GUSHING NEARLY TWO MONTHS LATER. It’s not like BP was cited time and time again for safety violations. It’s not like people died. It’s not like BP denied the existence of underwater plumes even after scientists confirmed the existence of underwater plumes. It’s not like BP immediately started attempting to settle with potential plaintiffs, like, two days after the explosion. I mean, what the hell, Obama? How dare you require a private foreign company to pay for the destruction it has wreaked on the Gulf ecological system and on the livelihood of Gulf residents and implement a system that would facilitate compensation?
Conservatives are all about private responsibility and the free market, right? So, of course, they would demand that a private corporation responsible for this disaster should pay for the clean up and compensation to the victims of this disaster. Right? Of course they would never feel sorry for the corporation that caused the disaster in the first fucking place, right?
WRONG!
During the hearings on the Hill, Joe Barton (R-Texas) actually apologized to the nitwit CEO of BP, Tony Hayward–the guy who just wants the spill to be over so he can get back to his life–for what he called a 20 billion dollar shakedown:
BARTON: I’m speaking totally for myself, I’m not speaking for the Republican Party, I’m not speaking for anybody in the House of Representatives but myself. But I’m ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday. I think it is a tragedy of the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown, in this case a $20 billion shakedown — with the Attorney General of the United States who is legitimately conducting a criminal investigation and has every right to do so to protect the interests of the American people — participating in what amounts to a $20 billion slush fund that is unprecedented in our nation’s history, that’s got no legal standing, which I think sets a terrible precedent for the future.
If I called you into my office, and I had the subcommittee chairman Mr. Stupak with me, who was legitimately conducting an oversight investigation on your company, and said if you put so many millions of dollars in a project in my congressional district, I could go to jail and should go to jail. Now, there is no question that British Petroleum owns this lease, that BP made decisions that objective people think compromise safety. There is no question that BP is liable for the damages. But we have a due process system where we go through hearings, in some cases court cases, litigation and determine what those damages are and when those damages should be paid.
So I’m only speaking for myself, I’m not speaking for anybody else, but I apologize, I do not want to live in a country where anytime a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong is subject to some sort of political pressure that is again in my words amounts to a shakedown. So I apologize.
Really, Joe Barton?
I mean… really?!?!?!
The so-called “slush fund” will permit victims to be compensated more quickly than if they were relegated to the legal system. (Also, it allows them to avoid litigation and paying 40% of whatever damages are awarded in a lawsuit to their lawyers, lawyers whom are surely clamoring to take these cases on a contingency fee basis.)
Remember Exxon Valdez? Remember how that shit happened 20 years ago? THAT CASE IS STILL NOT FULLY RESOLVED.*** In fact, in 2008, the Supreme Court reduced the damages award in the Exxon Valdez litigation by two billion dollars. [If you want a primer on Exxon's legal strategies (as of 1996), read this.]
People who aren’t complex defense litigators often have no real idea of how long litigation can drag on. In 2003, I began working on a products liability case that had already been pending for 4 years by the time I joined the firm handling it. That case is still being litigated–six years later. It hasn’t even gotten beyond the discovery stage yet. (For you non-lawyers, discovery is the “give me all your documents and evidence and answer all these questions so I can prepare for trial” stage of litigation.)
If not for the so-called slush fund, some of the Gulf residents would be dead before they ever saw a dime of compensation. Add to that the Oil Pollution Act of 1990 which capped punitive damages (damages which are, essentially, supposed to punish defendants for bad behavior–these are the damages that result in the multimillion dollar jury verdicts you see in most mass tort cases) for oil spill cases at 75 million dollars, and you can bet your ass cheek that the Gulf residents would have been utterly fucked and that BP would have been laughing all the way to the bank if not for the 20 billion dollar “slush fund.”
Instead of permitting BP to engage in legal shenanigans, including filing for bankruptcy under Chapter 11 and corporate restructuring (thus forcing claimants to stand in line behind creditors), Obama is requiring BP to put 20 billion dollars into an escrow fund to be used to compensate the victims of the oil spill, and hopefully to compensate them more quickly than they otherwise would be.
The horror. The horror. How DARE he.
::eyeroll::
Does any of this sound shady or criminal to you? Obama isn’t taking 20 billion dollars and throwing a barbecue in the Rose Garden. And, he has appointed Ken Feinberg, a political muckity muck to oversee the distribution of the Gulf Spill funds. Feinberg is the guy who was in charge of the 9/11 compensation funds and the distribution of the TARP funds. (Keep your ears open as the Asshats attempt to paint Feinberg as another one of Obama’s socialist czars by focusing solely on the TARP clusterfuck; when you hear that bullshit, point out that he handled the 9/11 claims as well, and then tell the person who makes that bullshit claim to go set him or herself on fire.)
Needless to say, Barton got served (if politicians and pundits even do that) and was forced to apologize for his apology. Robert Gibbs laid into him, as did Joe Biden:
BIDEN: There’s an entire way of life in jeopardy. This is just not about jobs. This is just not about whether or not the waterfowl is polluted and you can’t — this is an entire way of life that’s in jeopardy. And to sit there and say that we’re being — in effect, as I understood the statement — that he was ashamed we’re being tough on an oil company who caused the problem — I mean, I — look, I just think that it’s pretty important to the people of Louisiana all the way through Florida and even in his home state of Texas that people disassociate themselves from that.
That’s not the role — there’s no shakedown. It’s insisting on responsible conduct and a responsible response to something they caused. And I find it outrageous to suggest that if, in fact, we insisted that BP demonstrate their preparedness, to put aside billions of dollars — in this case, $20 billion — to take care of the immediate needs of people who are drowning — these guys don’t have deep pockets. The guy who runs the local marina, the guy who has one shrimping boat, the guy who has one small business — he can’t afford to lose $10,000, $12,000, $15,000, $30,000 a month. [...]
What is wrong with that? How is that a shakedown? I mean, I just — I don’t know, I find it pretty astounding, the comment.
Apparently, Barton’s “apology” was political suicide; he was going to get booted off whatever committees he serves on (or wouldn’t have been able to pass legislation to add a coke machine to the Capitol rec room) unless he apologized. So he did. And we all know he, like, really totally meant it, you guys.
Barton’s fake ass apology notwithstanding, certain Asshats on the Right are still backing up his original comments. For example, Rand Paul and Rush Limbaugh have jumped in to voice their nincompoopy opinions. Here’s Rand, the Tea Party Crazy:
“I don’t know about that,” Paul said, when asked about Barton’s statement during an appearance on WVLK-AM radio on Friday. “I don’t want to pile on him. … I know what that feels like. What I will say is I have never liked the tone of the president when he said things or his administration says things like he is going to put the boot on the throat of BP.” [...]
“I’m not really in a position to know about what they should do to [Barton] personally. I do know what it is like to be piled on,” he said. “I do know that people sometimes can go over the top and I think he should be given the chance to explain himself.“
And Sir Oxycontin himself:
LIMBAUGH: Joe Barton apologized to BP executives on behalf of himself, the American people, for the shakedown. … The United States government may as well be a branch of organized crime the way that it is being conducted and the way it’s doing business, and the way it’s looking out for itself and no one else. … Organized crime. It’s the closest thing I can think to analogize what’s happening here. And even these guys that are being shaken down, they’re paying protection money, and it isn’t enough. It isn’t enough.
and
Look, the government’s in charge of this. I want to know who’s going to get it. Who’s going to get this money? Union activists? ACORN people? Who’s going to get this money? Let’s keep a sharp eye on who Feinberg gives this money to, because I’m telling you, this is another bailout fund called something else, and we’ll see who gets it. If Obama’s past is prologue — and it is — then this is going to be used as a little miniature slush fund.
Jesus F. Christ, Rush. The ACORN canard is ovah! Those assholes in the pimp suits turned out to be liars who edited those videotapes. So seriously? Shut.The.Fuck.Up.
I used to have a friend with whom I would bicker about politics. When I would raise a point, he would shoot it down by saying, “Why are you talking about old shit? This is new shit.”
Rush? Take a cue from my friend. Quit talking about old shit.
Also? Your teeth are stupid.
Oh and wouldn’t you know, it’s now hitting the wires (does news even hit the wires anymore?) that Barton’s biggest corporate donor is Anadarko Petroleum which is a 25% partner in the Deepwater Horizon operations being run by BP. BP is already expecting Anadarko to foot its share of the bill.
So, of course, Barton apologized to Hayward. I just watched the apology on BBC. It was as if Barton was looking at Tony saying “please don’t take your money away from me.” The knowing nod from Hayward said it all.
Kiss the ring, and all is forgiven.
Assholes.
***As of March 2009. I’m not sure what has happened in the last year, and frankly, it’s happy hour and I’m not going to sit up in my hotel room Googling all night.
