Alabama Geometry Teacher Uses Obama Assassination to Teach His Class About Angles

Angles, and Asshats, and Assassination, Oh My!

As if yesterday’s Alabama Asshattery wasn’t enough to quench your thirst for WTF?!, here’s more ridiculous news from Alabama.  Some jackhole geometry teacher decided to teach his class about parallel lines and angles–by using the assassination of President Obama as an example.  No seriously.  He told his students where they would have to stand to shoot Obama.

::spittake::

What in the name of sweet sugary Jesus is wrong with people?!?!?!  Really.  This is a serious question.  One that I pose nearly every 7 minutes.  And I have yet to receive a satisfactory answer.  Yes, I know: People are asshats.  But this type of behavior falls outside the reasonable realm of asshattery.  Something else is afoot.  And until someone tells me what the hell is going around here, I’m holding each and every one of you accountable.

::glares menacingly::

A Jefferson County teacher picked the wrong example when he used as­sassinating President Barack Obama as a way to teach angles to his geometry students.

Someone alerted authorities and the Corner High School math teacher was questioned by the Secret Service, but was not taken into custody or charged with any crime.

“We did not find a credible threat,” said Roy Sexton, special agent in charge of Birmingham’s Secret Service office. “As far as the Secret Service is concerned, we looked into it, we talked to the gentleman and we have closed our investigation.”

A Corner High geometry teacher picked the wrong example, President Barack Obama, to use in a lesson on angles. The lesson resulted in a Secret Service investigation.

Sexton said he generally doesn’t discuss threat cases, but confirmed his office investigated the incident. No federal charges followed the probe.

The teacher was apparently teaching his geometry students about parallel lines and angles, officials said. He used the example of where to stand and aim if shooting Obama.

“He was talking about angles and said, ‘If you’re in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president,‘ ” said Joseph Brown, a senior in the geometry class.

Efforts to reach the teacher for comment Monday were unsuccessful.?? Superintendent Phil Hammonds said the teacher remains at work, and there are no plans for termination.

Looky here, Alabama.  I like you.  I do.  Some of my closest friends hail from Alabama… like my longtime friend and first college roommate.  I really don’t want to have to set you on fire.  But, by the hand of Thor, I TOTALLY WILL IF YOU DON’T QUIT ACTING LIKE AN ASSHAT.

And if you, dear reader, are not fully convinced that there is something seriously afoot in Alabama, check out what this ninth grader’s parent had to say:

Caroline Polk, the parent of a ninth-grader at the school, said she doesn’t be­lieve the teacher ought to be fired.

“We all make mistakes, and we should be able to learn from our mistakes,” she said. “What he said was just wrong and inappropriate. Everyone’s got their own opinions, but we have to be aware of our surroundings. At this point, it just needs to be handled in a way that it won’t be repeated.“

Really?  Re-heally, Caroline Polk?  First of all, your statement has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPIC AT HAND.  Whether or not one would need to take a certain angle to shoot the president isn’t an opinion.  It’s a mathematical fact.    Secondly, to what opinion are you referring?  The one shared by so many asshats?  The one which forms the basis for your Obama death wish?  Are you one of those people, Caroline Polk?  Because if you are, you should set yourself right on fire.  Here’s a match.  Cauterize the stupid before your kid catches it.

I’ll tell you, folks.  I’m starting to miss old school racism.  What I wouldn’t give for a good burning cross.  At least back in the Klan day, people knew where they stood.  This is my fountain.  This is your fountain.  This is my dance space.  This is your dance space.

Ugh.

I’m gonna crack open this bottle of wine and dump it on my face.

(H/T Danielle!)