“We do not approve.”
Dear Westboro Baptist Church,
What with all the press you’ve been getting because of your sign-wielding shenanigans, y’all must think y’all are the belle of the ball. Well listen up, Sparky. Let’s set something straight. We were here before you and we’ll be here long after you’re gone. So why don’t you just settle down for a minute and get your shit together.
You guys are totally lame. “God hates fags”? Protesting at funerals of fallen service members? Dudes, that’s weak sauce. Put a little effort into it.
For starters, get some damn costumes, for heaven’s sake. Do you see the gear we’re sporting?
The elegant pointiness of the hood and the whimsy of the tassel? The sleek lines? The perfectly circular eye holes? This is a robe that says, “I am somebody. And that somebody is an anonymous racist.”
And then there’s the parties. Hoo boy, the parties! Have you been to one of our gatherings? This isn’t some meeting of crazy people in the basement of some dank old church. We celebrate the beauty of God’s splendor; And then we set that splendor on fire.
What are y’all about? You act like a bunch of idiots, carrying signs that say, “God hates fags.” Where’s the subtlety in that? It’s not like everyone isn’t fully aware that y’all think God hates fags. You don’t see us marching around with signs that say, “Black people aren’t our cup of tea.”
We’re about symbols. Legends. History. You see a pointy hood? A burning cross? You know you’re in KKK-town, baby.
A bit of advice: Y’all need to class it up. Late night initiation ceremonies. Fiery crosses. Did you know we have a Grand Wizard? Well, we do. A fucking wizard. I mean, who doesn’t love a wizard? No one. Just ask J.K. Rowling. Our Grand Wizard is aces. He’s Gandalf with a warm Hitlery center.
So that’s it. We just wanted to let you know. Frankly, you’re embarrassing us. Go out and lynch somebody. Get a posse together and go hunt some of these “fags,” the existence of which you bemoan ad nauseum. Honestly. You’re fucking amateur.
We do not approve.
The Ku Klux Klan, LLC
[image via Buzzfeed]