Extreme Pepper Spray
In super awesome military technology news, the Indian military is using the world’s hottest chili to develop a new kick ass weapon to fight terrorism. The “bhut jolokia” or “ghost chili” will be used to make tear gas hand grenades to immobilize suspects and smoke terrorists out of their hidey holes. Yeah, that’s right. Chili weapons!
The bhut jolokia was accepted by Guinness World Records in 2007 as the world’s spiciest chili. It is grown and eaten in India’s northeast for its taste, as a cure for stomach troubles and a way to fight the crippling summer heat.
Apparently, these chilis are super hot, y’all. Measured in Scoville unit (which is, apparently, the measure of Chili Hotness), the ghost chili has more than one million Scoville units. Tabasco sauce and jalapeno peppers, in comparison, have between 2500 and 5000 Scoville units, and 2500 to 8000 Scoville units respectively.
Basically, jalapeno peppers are pussies. Suck it, Mexico!
One Indian defense spokesman, R.B. Srivastava, said “This is definitely going to be an effective nontoxic weapon because its pungent smell can choke terrorists and force them out of their hide-outs.”
He also said that India is developing a way to put these chilis in an aerosol spray for women to fend off attackers.
India rules. I’m telling you. I’ve been there three times and I lived there for 6 months in college. And let me tell you, I could have used some super Burn Your Fucking Eyes Out pepper spray when I left the YMCA in New Delhi late one night to run down to the local drink cart and get a Goldspot. (In India, there was a delicious orange soda called Goldspot. They also had orange Crush, but for obvious reasons, I always drank Goldspot. I’ll let you fill in the jokes yourselves.) You see, some creepazoid popped out from behind a tree and started leering at me and rubbing his junk. I was a little freaked out, but I had been taking Hindi lessons, and my Hindi teacher, Rishi-ji, taught us how to say “Go to hell.” I screamed it at the junk juggler, and the guy ran wild-eyed in the opposite direction. He probably wasn’t expecting a 5’2″ black girl to yell profanity at him in Hindi. Fifteen years later, “Go to hell” is one of the few thing I can still say in Hindi, besides “What’s your name?”
Ah, sweet (and spicy) memories.
ohhhh ghost chili! like on farmville!!
yeah i said it
WHAT THEN
maybe there’s a mafia wars/farmville uber-game in the works? grow ghost chilis on your farm and then sell them as weaponized hand grenades in mafia wars.
i think i’m on to something.
i just laughed all over again, lava.
ghost chili’s are soooo good. i gotta chef friend who gets them for me. of course, i have no esophagus left from years of training aka forcing myself to eat super hot and spicy stuff. i’ll tell you what though, make sure you wear rubber gloves when handling/cutting them and if you don’t have them, scrub the top layer of skin off your hands or else when you go pp and wipe wipe you’ll be in for a burning surprise iykwimaityd!
over share!!