This jackass thinks an FBI inquiry is going to up his street cred. 
Really, guy? You don’t give a fuck if the FBI knocks down your door? Because honestly, I think you’re probably crapping your pants right about now. These are the feds, ass clown. They will waterboard your ass back to the Stone Age. And don’t think that because “you’re black too,” that the Feds are going to go any easier on you.
I’d watch your cornhole, if I were you.
Would’ve been better if he had said “FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, you’re cool, FUCK YOU.”
Oooh. If you don’t want to assassinate the president, you better unfollow this guy! Twitter BURN!
Good thing he doesn’t live in D.C. He’s still dead fucking serious, y’all.
Gee, really? Who woulda thunk it? Are you still dead fucking serious, son?
It’s unclear whether his level of seriousness is still “Dead Fucking.” But who cares because he didn’t do anything wrong! Right?
WRONG! Threats against the President are a felony.
§ 871. Threats against President and successors to the Presidency:
Whoever knowingly and willfully deposits for conveyance in the mail or for a delivery from any post office or by any letter carrier any letter, paper, writing, print, missive, or document containing any threat to take the life of, to kidnap, or to inflict bodily harm upon the President of the United States… shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.
Well, turns out he’s not as fucking serious as we originally thought. Gawker was able to get in touch with Jay “Dead Fucking Serious” Martin:
GAWKER: Why were you tweeting death threats against Obama tonight?
MARTIN: Eh.. I have no excuse for that. I don’t really wish death on him or anyone else
I was just being irrational and speaking on raw emotion But there’s no EXCUSE..I did it.. and yea.
GAWKER: So when you said you were “dead serious” about wanting Obama dead what did you mean? Were you joking?
MARTIN: No.. I wasn’t joking. Thats not something you joke about. Again.. I was highly upset and speaking out of anger. I did not mean what I said though.
GAWKER: What about the legal aspect?
MARTIN: As far as the FBI? I don’t really care about them. I said what I said.. And if they take action then so be it.
GAWKER: Were you aware of how serious what you were doing could be? You’re not worried at all about the fact that you could be facing jail time?
MARTIN: No I am Not. And I did not think about consequences. Again..I was speaking out of anger and acted irrationally. Had I been in a rational mind set.. I would not have said it
GAWKER: so do you regret saying it?
JAY: Yes. But not because he’s the president.. and not because Of possible jail time. As I said . I don’t wish death on anyone. So yes. I regret threatening another person to that extreme… If I could take it back. I would. But i can’t. So I’m willing to face whatever comes next.
GAWKER: So you were speaking out of anger. What prompted your anger I’m guessing the health care vote?
JAY: Yes. And my beliefs on it from what I have researched.
GAWKER: Would you consider yourself a Conservative?
JAY: I’m not political. I don’t believe our Government has its citizen’s best interest in mind whether Democrat or Republican.
GAWKER: OK, so that’s why you’re against the health care bill.
JAY: Basically yes.
Wonder how this wacko feels about the Tea Partiers who yelled “nigger” at John Lewis and James Clyburn over the weekend. I mean, is Jay a Tea Bagger? A Black Tea Bagger? An Ice-T Bagger?
This dude confuses me.
[via Gawker]
idiot.
i am also confused. i am trying to use the approved biden/reid test ™ to determine my opinion of him.
these are the numbers i’ve got so far:
clean: i have to say i’m pretty impressed by the cleanliness of the room he’s in and the nice, clean nature of his clothing. it all appears to be new and of “day after christmas” shininess. 7/10
articulate: well, here i have to say he’s falling short. on the one hand, i still don’t really know why he opposes this bill so much. on the other hand, what does it mean to be articulate. are we talking about the ability to express a point, or must you be able to speak with clarity and effectiveness? alas, “articulate” has multiple definitions. after consulting William of Occam’s Summa Logicae on the theory of language, i think it really has to be the latter sense; and, while he certainly expressed his anger clearly and almost poetically, he didn’t express the reasoning behind it with sufficient clarity or effectiveness. 6/10
light-skinned: what is our scale here? reid doesn’t clarify if the scale is from the lightest/best possible (to wit, bjork) as 10 to the darkest possible (see, e.g., LA Marathon winner wesley korir, or, who are we kidding?, any marathon winner) as 1; or is there an acceptable level of lightness beyond which extra lightness is superfluous, whereby halle berry and barack obama are both already 10, or at least within “electable” range? although additional guidance from senator reid would be appreciated, i believe the first scale is more in keeping with reid’s quaint generational attitudes, and THHEEE_JAY must be judged accordingly. 4/10
no negro dialect: ok, here i first i thought he was gonna lose some points, but as the reid corollary states, THHEEE_JAY is allowed to use a negro dialect when speaking to a black audience. does his twaudience consist mostly of blacks? this requires further twinvestigation. i’m giving him a preliminary 6/10.
as a result, out of a possible perfect 40 points, THHEEE_JAY receives a 23.
therefore, i believe THHEEE_JAY falls within asshat range and must, ergo, die in a fire.
i concur.
What is this test that you speak of?
it’s a test his ivy league mind made up all by his loneself!
[citation needed]
See also , You’re vs. Face (2010)
A+++++++++++ WOULD COMMENT AGAIN
This kid has amazing back peddling skillz. <—
Also, toots, he has to lose a point for having a plastic lawn chair indoors. But, I’ll give him a point back for not having blown out mini-blinds. Nothing (except a lot) drives me more nuts then when people have busted mini-blinds, that are half broken or missing individual blinds.
Thank god, I’m still safe. I was all worried I’d go to jail for wishing Bush to be impeached. I’ll probably still get mobbed, considering I live in his hometown.