Australian Woman Has 300 Orgasms. Each Day.

What the biscuits?

Um…so…yeah… ::squeezes legs together and wiggles uncomfortably::

Some lady in Britain has some disease I’ve never heard of (which, frankly, is pretty common considering I’m not a doctor…well of medicine, anyway; I am, however, a doctor of AWESOME), and claims that the medical condition results in her suffering enjoying having up to 300 orgasms a day:

Michelle Thompson, who suffers from Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, thought she was just too demanding for men and would never find the man of her dreams.

Apparently, Michelle wore out a string of boyfriends who couldn’t keep up with her, sexically.  Then she started shagging her neighbor and turns out he could keep her, er, happy?  Is happy the right word?:

But she has been with her neighbour Andrew Carr, 32, for the past six months and he’s as keen for sexual intercourse as she is and they make love 10 times a day.

“Andrew has changed my life. I’m no longer looking for a cure for my orgasms – I’ve found it,” Michelle told The News of the World newspaper in the UK.

“Now I have a huge grin on my face all the time, and it’s not just because of the orgasms.”

This is not exactly the most exciting of posts, and I’ve thought about writing it for two days simply because the following might be my favorite sentence in the history of sentences written on or around a newspaper story, including newspaper stories that haven’t been written yet for newspapers that haven’t been founded and then promptly gone bankrupt because Al Gore created the Internet:

Michelle’s rare condition means she always craves sex and can climax at any time anywhere.  She even had to quit a job in a biscuit factory because the machines kept setting her off.

I don’t even have a closing witticism or joke or whatnizzle for this post.

I mean, what’s left to say when someone has had to quit a job making cookies biscuits because the damn cookie biscuit machines kept making her precious lady sing?

As Jennifer Love Hewitt might say, “It ain’t over ’til the precious lady vagazzles!”

(No, I have no idea what means.  Which means J.Lo.Hew. totes said that shit.)