Brain Rot + Celebutard = Dumbass
So People is all abuzz with the news that Heidi “I Refuse to Die In A Fire Despite Being Repeatedly Kindly Requested to Do So” Montag had ten… count ‘em… TEN cosmetic surgery procedures done in one day. ONE DAY. She’s 23 effing years old. What in sam hell is wrong with her?
At just 23 years old, The Hills star Heidi Montag decided to go under the knife for a second time and have a staggering 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day.
This woman continues to confound me. What in sam hell is wrong with her? I know “she dumb” is the likely answer that I am seeking. But seriously y’all. She is the one “celebrity” (aside from Paris Hilton) who continues to amaze me with the waves upon waves of stupidity she wreaks upon the earth.
What does she do?
What purpose does she serve?
Who sent her here to torment me?
She’s a famewhore with absolutely zero talent. I know this, man. And yet I can’t stop gawking at the epic travesty. I had to unfollow her on Twitter because I found myself compelled to write 140 character odes to her odiousness, and really, while I claim to be “Angry” and “Black,” that’s only half true. I’m actually quite a pleasant person–at least when my mind-head isn’t being blown by the collective stupid of humanity. But I like happy things. Puppies. Ice cream. Scotch with just a touch of water. So why waste my time following this useless human, much less spend energy tweeting about her sucktacity? So I unfollowed her. But she’s still in my mind-head. I know she’s just out there, sucking in ways that the human race can’t even comprehend because it doesn’t yet have the technology.
The famewhoredom. The douchestacity of her husband. The hypocrisy. She claims to love Jesus and be all about “family values” but in her upcoming album aptly entitled Superficial, she sings makes our collective ears bleed with the following lyrics: “I brought some treats / I know that you gon love em. Come eat my panties off of me / Do whatever you feel comes naturally.”
What in sam hell is wrong with her?
I know, I know. “She dumb.” And from what I can tell, she’s just getting dumber.
Somebody needs to call 9-1-DUMB. Her condition is critical.