An Even-Tempered Rant 
So, there was the Newsweek article, and then this fantastic bit on Rachel Maddow about the conservative case for gay marriage, and while I want gay marriage to happen, I’m not sure how I feel about the argument: “Family values are good. Married gay people are promoting family values. Let them get married!”
So, um…you only like gay people when they are married? There is something almost endearing about the old fashioned values we can attach to that. We can go back to “sex outside of marriage is a sin” and still include gay people in that. You, the boy who likes boys—go ahead and like boys. Just don’t do anything with them, sexually, outside of marriage.
It makes it a lot easier to not think about gay people having gay sex if you only imagine them having sex while married (because we all know how often married people have sex). They can still hate the kind of gay people they’ve always hated, the ones prancing around in ass-less chaps and fishnets and calling them girlfriend. Log Cabin Republicans must love this—look! Our party doesn’t hate us! They just hate sex outside of marriage! Everything is okay!
So, I’m torn. My feminist ideals are all about de-sinning sex, letting women (and men, and anything in between, above, around, or near a gender assignment) do what they want with their own and other adult bodies (consensually of course), because, as a woman, that benefits me. I don’t like living in a saint/sinner dichotomy. I want some gray area. I don’t want to be defined by my number (THAT number, and all the sub categories it includes). I would rather be defined by my accomplishments, intelligence, sense of humor and charm. (Yes, I live in a dream world. Yes, you can visit any time you want to, so long as no one mentions anything about the size of any of my body parts.)
So, while the gay marriage and LGBTQ equal rights movement can use the support, I’m not really sure I like the underlying idea of that support. It’s not so much homophobic as, well, liberated sex-phobic. Is that better, or worse? Does it matter where the support comes from if the end result is the same? Should we care about who is waving the rainbow flag and why? Or is this more a stepping stone in the right direction?
Hey, conservatives. Hate teen pregnancy? You know what kind of sex doesn’t result in pregnancy? Gay sex. You might want to think about supporting that. And hey, conservatives? You know who end up being some of the more educated people, and therefore more likely to be rich and stuff? Gay people. Also? Check out your military. There is a very particular group of gay people who highly support having a large military. I think your “American Values” are more gay than you think.
Hmmm… American Values are so gay. Huh. I kinda like that.
Of course, we’re still talking about the non-partisan conservatives, and not the right-wing wacko gay-haters who started Prop 8 because their version of God told them to. But I sort of like that we’ve got crazy on our side too. It’s the battle of the sins.
Gayness is a sin!
No, sex outside of marriage is a sin! Also, you eat shrimp, so shut up!
They are destroying family values!
No, just the unmarried ones! Come on, after this we can go back to publicly humiliating all the hot loose chicks who never slept with us in high school!
That Carol chick was a real bitch, the slut. She never went down on me, just all my friends.
Exactly! That’s who we should really hate! We’ve got tons more feminist backlash to do. Come on, let the gays have this one. God’s really not caring about that shrimp thing, and who doesn’t enjoy a little prostrate stimulation now and then…
Okay, that was a mind trip I don’t want to repeat any time soon…
So, tentatively, yes? I like the conservative case for gay marriage? Hey, just don’t go after my birth control or right to an abortion and we’ll be okay, k? For now, anyway…
[Editor's Note: Even-Tempered White Lady is the even-tempered alter ego of the even more tempered Jennae Phillippe.]
