Monthly Archives: December 2009

The Illegal Alien Christmas Song

Posted on December 15, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Personally, I think Barack the Magic Negro is catchier

Matt Fox and AJ Rice, a couple class A dillholes posted the following over at Human Events, a website which touts itself as the “Headquarters for the Conservative Underground”:

Illegals in my yard.
Illegals in my yard.
Illegals in my yard.
Sixteen arrive in a stolen car[...]

They’re getting free organ transplants this Christmas.
They’re going to have anchor babies this Christmas.
They’re going to scream “sí, se puede” this Christmas.
Those illegals in my yard[...]

They’re going to spread bubonic plague this Christmas.
They’re going to bring me lots of bed bugs this Christmas.
They’re going to pass tuberculosis this Christmas.
Those illegals in my yard.

Aaaaaand, as soon as your head is finished exploding, take a gander at the comments section.  It’s enough to make me want to set myself on fire.  The only bit that saved me was this comment gem:

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Posted in Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans

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Angry Black Lady Chronicles: Acute Palinitis

Posted on December 15, 2009 by | Leave a comment

If you don’t think Sarah Palin is qualified to be President…then you’re probably gay.


ts-palin_rifle_bikini

You betcha!

Or at least according to the legions of whackos in the comments section of Free Republic.

The GOP has a problem… the howling and screaming coming from the most insanely neocon faction of its party is growing louder. That voice includes the mind-numbingly annoying shriek of Sarah Palin who, despite being totally incompetent, looks like a likely candidate for either the GOP or for some nascent Tea Party Party, even though members of her own party refuse to say out loud that she is qualified. It’s like saying “Bloody Mary” three times in front of a mirror; the likelihood is that nothing bad will happen, but it’s best to keep your yap trapped on the off chance you’ll turn around and find some crazy lady humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic while wielding a bloody knife rifle.

Last month, Mississippi Governor and President of the Republican Governor’s Association Haley Barbour wouldn’t/couldn’t say Sarah was qualified. A couple days ago, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor Eric Cantor also dodged the question.

People. SHE’S NOT QUALIFIED.

Here’s how the exchange should go when a question about Sarah Palin’s presidential qualifications is posed:

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Posted in Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Culture Critic, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans, Sarah Palin and Tall

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Three Busey Moon

Posted on December 11, 2009 by | Leave a comment

So hot right now…

Sick of Twilight?  Love Gary Busey?

Then this shirt is for you:

ts-three-busey-moon1

It makes a perfect stocking stuffer.  Don’t forget to add chiclets!

(Thanks to oilybohunk7 for the tip!)

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Weed. Delicious Tasty Weed.

Posted on December 11, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Ganja Gourmet.  Stonier than the Frugal Gourmet.  Pairs Well With Fraggle Rock. weedstamp

I’m packing my bags and moving to Denver y’all.  Why?  Ganja Gourmet, a new restaurant serving weed-based cuisine opened on Wednesday.  You can munch while you have the munchies!

A medical marijuana dispensary in Denver has decided to get creative and make the business into a full-service restaurant that caters to those who need to use medicinal marijuana to ease physical ailments.

The owner of Ganja Gourmet located at 1810 South Broadway Avenue said the restaurant will “aim to help distribute medicinal marijuana to those licensed to have it and provide an atmosphere where patients can visit with one another in a safe environment.”

Ganja Gourmet plans to offer lasagna, gourmet pizza, jambalaya, paella, chocolate mousse and flavored cheesecakes, among other gourmet dishes.

In other weed news, a friend told me about an iPhone app called “iPot.”  It shows all the medical marijuana dispensaries in one’s neighborhood.  I downloaded the free version, “iPot Lite,” and was totally shocked to discover (ok “shocked to discover” may not be the right phrase… it was more like “I was totally…oh my god, is that pizza!?!?!) that there are eleventy-five hundred mary jane markets in my immediate vicinity.

Sadly, I don’t have glaucoma… yet.

When the War on Weed is over, somebody call me.  In the meantime, this burrito is really good.

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Posted in Culture Critic, Kick Ass

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Republicans Don’t Want You to Forget That It’s Christmas

Posted on December 10, 2009 by | Leave a comment

As if we didn’t know. war-on-christmas

Nineteen Republican House members have introduced a resolution that would remind us not to mess with Christmas because it’s awesome and it will kick your ass.  OK, it doesn’t say that, but seriously?  Are we still talking about this fake war on Christmas?   Don’t these people have something better to do?

Whereas Christmas is a national holiday celebrated on December 25; and

Whereas the Framers intended that the First Amendment of the Constitution, in prohibiting the establishment of religion, would not prohibit any mention of religion or reference to God in civic dialog: Now, therefore, be it

Resolved, That the House of Representatives-

(1) recognizes the importance of the symbols and traditions of Christmas;

(2) strongly disapproves of attempts to ban references to Christmas; and

(3) expresses support for the use of these symbols and traditions by those who celebrate Christmas.

To be fair, the Democrats are just as stupid, having sponsored a bill celebrating the 2,560th birthday of Confucius last month.  Seriously?  How about fixing the damn economy.  How about fixing healthcare.  How about doing SOMETHING.

I’m fed up y’all.

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Posted in Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans

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Lindsay Lohan Doesn't Quite Get It

Posted on December 8, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Continues to Be Adequite! lilo

Jesus H. Biscuits and gravy with a side of shrimp grits, y’all.  Lindsay Lohan continues to break my heart.  OK, she doesn’t really (although it’s true that I have a soft spot for her… and Britney),  but I did watch Mean Girls recently and she was just so damn good in it, TMIMO.  She was healthy, had a normal sized rack, her hair was the proper color, and well… she didn’t look like a cracked out whackadoodle.  But those days are long gone.  And maybe it’s time I poured some on the curb for my cracked out homey and just let go of the sadness.  This girl is beyond help.  She keeps callin’ it a comeback, but L.L. can’t even help her now.

Lindsay’s notion of a “comeback” seems to be all about sex and nekkidness.   Leggings with kneepads?  Check.  Nude photo shoot that is a failed attempt at paying tribute to Marilyn Monroe?  Check.  Nude photo shoot that is a failed attempt at paying tribute to the steamy decade-old relationship between British coke vacuum model Kate Moss and hot cup of Bale Johnny Depp?  Check.

From the New York Post:

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Queen Goes Gaga for Lady Gaga

Posted on December 8, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Remains unmolested ts-lady-gaga

Remember how when Michelle Obama met the queen she, like, felt her up and stuff?  Well Lady Gaga met the Queen and while I have no confirmation that she molested the queen, I do have confirmation that she is totally fucking weird.

There is currently a 19 hour–yes NINETEEN HOUR–block of Lady Gaga videos, interviews and whatnot on some random cable channel.  I’ve been watching for about 7 minutes and I can’t tell if she’s growing on me or if I’m having a seizure.  I think… yep, it’s a seizure.  I better change the channel.  Anyone got a tongue depressor?

[See Gaga bow to the queen after the jump.]

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Tila Tequila Should Consider Dying in a Fire

Posted on December 7, 2009 by | Leave a comment

And you thought Michael Bolton was a no-talent ass clown tila-tequila

Ms. Tequila, who is famous for doing absolutely NOTHING (This is the woman who got famous for being hot on Myspace) is claiming that Rihanna has herpes.  She also has taken to defending Chris Brown:

“NOTE TO CHRIS BROWN: I honestly think that you have paid your dues, and I’m definitely on TEAM CHRIS NOW! GO CHRIS! YOU CAN MAKE YOUR COMEBACK AND I FULLY SUPPORT YOU! You have admitted to what you did, and apologized numerous times, You have learned from your mistakes and I think people should really leave that in the past now and let you do your thing. TEAM CHRIS! Love ya baby! And Im glad we squased that beef we had! Love ya!”

Some shit went down recently between Tequila and Rihanna.  I don’t know what it is.  I don’t care what it is.   Apparently Rihanna said some shit about Tila Tequila when she was interviewed for Big Boy’s Neighborhood, LA-based Power 106′s morning show.  The video (which I haven’t watched because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) is posted after the jump.

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Lady Bits, Please Die in a Fire

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Tiger Woods’s Other OTHER Woman is Pissed, Y’all.

Posted on December 7, 2009 by | Leave a comment

The sacred nature of a relationship between a woman, a woman, and a man has been soiled.ts-tiger

Rachel Uchitel, some Manhattan harpie who was banging Tiger Woods is pissed off y’all.  Why?  Because he was seeing other other women.  According to People Magazine,

Rachel Uchitel, the Manhattan nightclub hostess linked to Tiger Woods, was none too happy when she first heard about other women whom the golf great may have been seeing.

According to a friend, “Rachel was mad at Tiger when she found out about the other girls and did not speak to him for three days, but he texted her…She is telling friends that he doesn’t blame her for this all getting out.”

Angry or not, Uchitel wasn’t naïve about dating a celebrity. “She was going out with other guys while she was with Tiger,” says the source. “There wasn’t a huge loyalty with it.”

However, adds the source, “Rachel has strong feelings for Tiger. She was very into him – much more than other famous guys she was into. She started out for sport and then they clicked.”

This is some bullshit.

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Criminally Stupid, Sports Shenanigans

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