Monthly Archives: November 2009

Poor Wittle Cawwie Pwejean

Posted on November 13, 2009 by | Leave a comment

It’s just too easy. ts-carrie-prejean11

Carrie Prejean is dumb as hell, y’all.  First, she accused Larry King of “being extremely inappropriate” after King asked her why she settled.  Whether or not Larry King is a journalist is up for debate.  Hell, whether or not Larry King is still alive is up for debate.  But what is undebatable is that Carrie Prejean is an idiot.

First, she attempted but failed to storm off Larry King’s show.  So she took off her mic (right when Larry took a call from a man in Michigan asking her a non-sex tape related question) and then just sat there smiling and talking to someone off camera.  When asked whether or not she could hear Larry, she answered “No, I can’t hear you.”  DUMB.

Then she canceled an appearance at the Capitol City Club–a Republicans only event–where she was slated to give a speech.  She canceled five minutes prior to her appearance because, apparently, she was afraid of being asked questions about the sex tape.  And, she was afraid of being asked about the latest allegations that she called up the ex-boyfriend for whom she made the sex tape and asked him to LIE and support her (false?) claim that she made the solo sex tape when she was 17 and not two years ago.  Her ex has called bullshit and told TMZ that she made the tape two years ago when she was 20.  If the claim turns out to be true, then her mea culpa that it was a mistake that she made when she was 17 and too stupid to know any better is a bald-faced lie:

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Please Die in a Fire

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Carrie Prejean? What the Crap!?

Posted on November 12, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Carrie Prejean tries to storm off Larry King Live, but instead takes her mic off and just sits there looking stupid.

Also?  Inappropriate Larry King Live FTW.

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Angry Black Lady Chronicles: Carrie Prejean is a Dingbat

Posted on November 11, 2009 by | Leave a comment

If Some Creepy Dude Felt Your Boobs and Told You to Get a Boob Job, Would You Get A Boob Job? Yeah. Me Neither.

ts-carrie-prejean-saint

Carrie Prejean is really laying it on thick, Alan Thicke-style.  Who can blame her, really? Ever since the controversy regarding her comments about same sex marriage, she has proven time and time again that she, at best, has extremely poor judgment, and at worst is a total idiot.  Let’s recount, shall we?

1. Ign’ant comments about gay versus “opposite marriage.” Cruise knows she has the right to say whatever she wants.  And Cruise also knows that I have the right to call her an ign’ant foolio.

2. Nude photos and faux outrage at the illicit “between shots” photos of her Tune in Tokyos which the dastardly sneaky bastardly photographer released.

3. Lying about the nude photos-turned out she posed for them.  Duh.  (Hey, I have no problems with nude photos or people who pose for them.  But with Carrie, it’s hard to deny that she has a serious glass house/stone problem.)

4. Losing her Miss California crown and blaming it on les gays and decrying it as revenge for her dumbass comments at the Miss USA Pageant when, in fact, she wasn’t adhering to her Miss California contract which required her to make certain public appearances.

5. Thinking that freedom of speech protects her against people who call her an ign’ant foolio in a public forum.

6. Forcing KeeblerKahn to reduce his bag of Bag of Douche awards by one Bag of Douche award.

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Posted in Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Everybody Loves Lists, Please Die in a Fire

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Michael Steele Sings the Blues

Posted on November 10, 2009 by | Leave a comment

White People Think He’s Scary and Black People Think He’s a Damn Fool michael-steele

Michael Steele is a bit of a noob.  He lives in Gaffe City with Joe Biden.  Recently he said that white Republicans are scared of him.  Oh yeah.  He said that shit in a recent interview with Roland Martin for TV One:

MARTIN: One of the criticisms I’ve always had is Republicans — white Republicans — have been scared of black folks.

STEELE: You’re absolutely right. I mean I’ve been in the room and they’ve been scared of me. I’m like, “I’m on your side” and so I can imagine going out there and talking to someone like you, you know, [you're like,] “I’ll listen.” And they’re like “Well.” Let me tell you.

Um, Michael?  Probably NOT a good idea for the RNC Chairman, the black RNC Chairman to torpedo his own party  by claiming white Republicans are scared of black people.  I mean, really?  Maybe when you’re in the room they’re not scared of you, they just see you for the dumbass that you are.   What the hell is wrong with you, son?

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Posted in Political Shenanigans

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Rupert Murdoch vs. Teh Google

Posted on November 10, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Thunderdome! ts-murdoch-google

Grumpy Pepaw Murdy is pissed off, y’all.  He’s pissed off that Google is ganking his news and not paying for it.  Rupert Murdoch thinks Google steals news and that it infringes his copyrights.  Google is all, “Whatever, man.  We’re Google.  We own the universe.”  And hey, it’s sort of true.  When you want the internets to impart its wisdom to you, where do you go?  Teh Google.

Google is one of those rare brands that became the product it was selling.  Like Kleenex and Tampax.   Except, I think the brand is stronger.  Folks still say, “Hey, do you have a tampon?” or “Hey, I need a tissue.”  But then there are just as many folks who say, “Give me a damn Tampax.” or “Your Kleenex or your life.”  (No one ever asks for Puffs or Playtex, the poor bastids.)

But with Google?  No one says, “That’s an interesting question!  I think I shall seek out the answer on an Internet search engine.”  No.  People say, “I’mma google that shit.”  Google is a verb!  Suck on that, Tampax.  You’re not a verb.  No one ever went out and got Tampaxed.

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Posted in Culture Critic, Please Die in a Fire

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Chris Brown Wishes Rihanna Would STFU Already

Posted on November 9, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Rihanna Wishes He Hadn’t Punched Her in the Face ts-chris-brown-rihanna

Rihanna appeared on 20/20 to openly discuss Chris Brown’s assault.  Describing the February 7 attack:

She says all she kept thinking was, “When is it going to stop? When is it going to stop? He had no soul in his eyes. Just blank. He was clearly blacked-out. There was no person when I looked at him.”

Chris Brown, obviously not too happy that she revealed him to be the doosh that he is managed to crawl up a level on the doosh-o-meter by claiming that the details should remain private:

“I maintain my position that all of the details should remain a private matter between us,” he said in the statement to MTV. “I do appreciate her support and wish her the best.”

Yeah, ladies.  Next time your supposed loved one beats the shit out of you, for heaven’s sake, don’t talk about it!  Just, you know, shut up like a good girl is supposed to and let the asshole make his inevitable apologies and promises to “never do it again.”

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Please Die in a Fire

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Paris Hilton is Pissed Off At New Zealand

Posted on November 9, 2009 by | Leave a comment

The Truth Hurts. ts-paris-hilton-cop-car

Paris Hilton, celebutard extraordinaire is pissed off at an advertising company in  Wellington, New Zealand because it  used her picture and the word “vacant” to advertise empty billboard space:

Hilton’s manager Jamie Freed said from Los Angeles Media5 had not gained permission to use the image and could expect to hear from her lawyers.

Media5′s Adam McGregor said the company was just having a “bit of fun” with the billboard, which was designed to draw attention to unsold display.

Ah New Zealand.  I heart ye.

Seems to me that “vacant” is appropriate. As is “This is a waste of space.”

It’s late and I can’t think of any other appropriate turns of phrase.  Can you?  Let me know in the comments section.


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Steven Tyler to Leave Aerosmith… Maybe

Posted on November 9, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Does Anyone Care?  Homeboy’s like Eleventy Years Old ts-aerosmith-953

Classic Rock Magazine is reporting that Steven Tyler may be leaving Aerosmith, claiming that he wants to work on “Brand Tyler.”  I am reporting that I may be continuing to not care about Aerosmith.

Aerosmith is fine.  I’ve never really cared about them one way or the other.  Sweet Emotion is a sweet song, but that was, what, thirty years ago?  Everytime I hear I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing I have the urge to punch Ben Affleck in the nads.  Maybe I’m missing something, but has Aerosmith even been relevant since Walk This Way?

While I don’t really care one way or the other, I’m pretty sure that Aerosmith without Steven Tyler isn’t Aerosmith.  I mean, how successful was INXS after Michael Hutchence “accidentally” died?  The answer is “not very.”

But meh.  Whatevs.

Here’s a little Run DMC and Aerosmith for your eyeholes:

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans

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Who Let the Dog Out?

Posted on November 6, 2009 by | Leave a comment

This dog knows how to party, y’all


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Posted in A Wee Bit O' Hilarity, Cute Shenanigans

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