by donating some old crappy ass phones to charity
That patriotic phone KNOWS it's about to be donated. It's singing "God Bless America" for the love of biscuits
Big news in California, y’all. The Governor’s wife was caught breaking the law! Oh the horror! The scandal! I bet you’re just dying to know what she did, aren’t you? It’s going to shock you. It’s going to awe you. So, sit down, citizen. You don’t want to read this news standing up. It may just make your knees buckle and if there’s one thing I care about, it’s your safety. (And bacon.)
Maria Shriver was busted… TALKING ON HER CELL PHONE! WITH HER HANDS! Do you hear what I’m telling you? Maria Shriver was talking on the phone, while driving, using her hands, on said phone, while driving.
Like many states in our great U.S. of A. (we’re number one!), California has a hands-free cell phone law. And the other day, the Governor’s wife was caught on camera talking on the phone using her hands like some common no Bluetoof-having-talkin’-on-the-phone-using-yer-damn-hands-type person.
When he heard about his wife’s crime, Arnold, being the swift robo-arm of justice that he is, sent a message to none other than TMZ’s Harvey Levin: “Thanks for bringing her violations to my attention. There’s going to be swift action.”
And swift action there was. The very next day, Shriver donated her “favorite old cell phone” to charity.
Yes, you read that correctly. She donated her favorite of the crappy ass phones she no longer uses…which was really super generous of her. I mean, of allll the shitty phones she no longer uses; of allllll the phones she looked at and said, “no! You won’t do at all. I’ve grown tired of you!” she was able to pick her favorite reject phone and after whispering a few sweet nothings in its ear, give it away to charity.
Really? her favorite old cell phone? How many old cell phones does she have? What is going on with the cell phone situation in the Shriver/Schwarzenegger household? Are there cell phones raining from the sky? Gurgling up from the toilet? Is the Governor’s mansion where cell phones go to die?
Well, thank god for the cell phone killing fields in the Governor’s mansion, because it enabled Shriver to make a completely sincere gesture that really demonstrates her shame and sorrow for (having been caught) breaking the law:
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