Monthly Archives: September 2009

Protect Insurance Companies! They Need Your Help.

Posted on September 24, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Hells yes.

(H/T theHobo!)

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Madness's Musings: Smack My Bitch Up

Posted on September 24, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Don’t Judge. mybutt1

Whenever I play Smack My Bitch Up, the feminist in me raises a stern eyebrow.  But then I turn the music up and start dancing wildly, and the feminist in me is like, “Good point.”

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Kara DioGuardi Hopes to Sit Next to Ellen DeGeneres

Posted on September 24, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Also hopes to figure out why she brings nothing to the table ts-kara-dioguardi

So apparently Kara DioGuardi is all sapphically stoked to sit next to Ellen this season. This is me not caring.

I don’t understand what Kara DioGuardi brought to American Idol last season.  I can’t think of one think she said, or one thing she did that should make me care about her.  Let’s face it, Paula Abdul clapped like a seal and generally acted like a drunk ass foolio for eight long seasons.  But her alcohol-fueled shenannies at least kept me entertained.

Kara on the other hand is a hot plate of YAWWWWWWN! with a side of Boring.

Ellen?  Who knows.  Maybe you can make American Idol relevant again.  I’m not holding my breath though.


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Mondegreens: Hash Pipe

Posted on September 24, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Weezermondegreen1

I can’t help my boogies;
They get out of control.
I know that you don’t care
But I want you to know.
The knee-stocking flavor
Is a favorite treat
Of men that don’t bother
With the taste of a teat.

Oh, come on and kick me.
Oh, come on and kick me.
(Oh.) Come on and kick me.
(Oh.) You’ve got your problems;
(Oh.) I’ve got my ass wipe wide
(Oh.) You’ve got your big cheese G’s
I’ve got my hash pipe.
i’ve got my hash pipe

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Jude Law is a Father

Posted on September 24, 2009 by | Leave a comment
ts-samantha-burke-jude-law-baby-mama1

This thing that was inside me is now outside me. And that's the birdz and the beez, bitchez.

Ugh, who cares.

Jude Law’s lady friend Samantha Burke gave birth to a baby girl. So another one of Jude Law’s sexitime friends popped out a little person from her ladyhole.  This makes number 4… with 4 different women…??

Is that true?  It’s not is it.

Honk if you care.

Nothing?

That’s exactly how I feel.

One issue I am concerned about is Jude’s hairline.  I’m a friend of the bald man.  My ex-boyfriend was bald.  I’m not a hair enthusiast.  However, concerns linger in my mind about Jude’s skull cap and the overall effect it is having on Jude’s prior humunuh humunosity.

He started out looking like this:

ts-jude-law-picture-1

Humunuh Humunuh. Asshat-like behavior excused.

And now he looks like this:

Oops! I lost my hair. Three lashes for dooshy behavior.

Oops! I lost my hair. Three lashes for asshat-like behavior.

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Ham Hat

Posted on September 23, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Keep watching… it’s hilarious

I found this to be hilarious, then kind of boring, then hilarious again.  On the balance?  Hilarious.  Especially upon a second watching.  And a third.  And a fourth.

Eat and enjoy!

(Thanks to Nick Malis for the tip!)


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Mackenzie Phillips Did WHAT!?!?!?

Posted on September 23, 2009 by | Leave a comment

With Her Father????!!!!  Ew.  WRONG.  ::pours bleach in eyes::  ::shakes head:: ::runs screaming into the night::  ::trips on untied shoelaces and dies to death::ts-mackenzie-phillips

So, yeah.  This is… well… you know how when you hear something and blarghity gah! gross!!!??  You know what I mean?  No.  You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you.  OK, here goes.

McKenzie Phillips, former child star phenom has written a tell all book about her… ummm…welll… how she had sex with her father, John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas fame. Repeatedly.  An affair she called it.


Oh god.  I think I’m gonna… wait… no.  It’s ok.  She’s OK folks!

According to People:

Phillips, 49, who has survived drug addiction, arrests and divorce, writes in the book High on Arrival that she was already a star playing a boy-crazy teen on the TV sitcom One Day at a Time when her father had sex with her on the night before she was to marry Jeff Sessler, a member of the Rolling Stones entourage, in 1979.

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Please Die in a Fire

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Spiderlizard, Spiderlizard…

Posted on September 23, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Doin’ whatever a Spiderlizard can… ts-spiderlizard

Hey there, freaky exotic pet enthusiast!  Have you heard about the latest craze?  Agama lizards!!! AKA Crime-fighting Spiderlizards!  They are exactly like Spidermen except they are Spiderlizards!  Spidermen fight crime!   And so do Spiderlizards!  And by “fight crime,” I mean “eat meal worms, wax worms, locusts, and crickets.” These lizards are unstoppable!

Native to Kenya (like Obama!!!!), these Spiderlizards are for you.  Call now!  Operators are standing by.

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Posted in Kick Ass, Weird Ass Shenanigans

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Tyrone Sucks at Jeopardy!

Posted on September 22, 2009 by | Leave a comment

Dang, Tyrone!

tyrone

(H/T justinsloe!)

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