She looks like a crazy ass. Crazy orange hair, Crazy orange skin, crazy lips blown so far up they could only serve one real purpose–IYKWIMAITYD–which is confusing considering she caught Teh Gay.
Lindsay. What in the name of Cruise is wrong with you? I keep pulling for you, but you keep breaking wind in my face. Get thine shit together. You’re hitting critical Asshat Stage IV.
Hey! Big news on Twitter, y’all. Apparently, Tyra Banks is talking about her hair extensions and going weave-free. Perhaps she’s trying to keep it real. Maybe some skank at da club done pulled out her weave in a nasty cat fight. Perhaps she’s trying to keep it on the lowdown no doubt. Yo, maybe she wants to imitate India.Arie: Bein’ all about “I am not my hair.” Regardless, this whole story bores me. There are way cooler black ladies who rock the natural hair. Hell, sisters have been doin’ it for themselves since since back in the DAY, yo. Shoot… I’m talking about India.Arie. Erykah Badu. Macy Gray. Lauren Hill. Tracy Chapman. Um, that other lady. Um… ooh ooh! Me!! Represent!!!!!!!
Anyway, Tyra probably hasn’t seen her real hair in twenty years. Does she even know if she still has hair?
If people persist in acting like idiots, treat them like idiots.
It doesn’t matter where you stand on healthcare reform, I think we can all agree that running around waving pictures of Obama defaced to look like Hitler, or referring to healthcare reform as a “Nazi policy” is abjectly stupid. with a capital OOPID.
And, if you’ve been avidly following these fuckwits at the townhall debates, you might know that some conservative doosh yelled “Heil Hitler!” to a Jew– an Israeli–who was asking a question about healthcare reform in a townhall meeting in Las Vegas. From Gawker:
Unalloyed xenophobic rage presents a challenge similar to one posed by habitual lying-just as it’s hard to keep up with one’s own falsehoods, it’s difficult to remember whether shouting “Heil Hitler!” at a Jew is good or bad.
Take, for instance, this woman at a healthcare town hall sponsored by a Las Vegas radio station. After watching an Israeli immigrant to the United States praise his homeland’s government-run healthcare system, she is moved to respond, “Heil Hitler!”
What does that mean? Well, it could mean “Heil Hitler, you Jew, you are a subhuman blood-sucker,” a sentiment common to right-wing extremists who actively seek the violent overthrow of the federal government. Or it could mean, “By supporting government-run healthcare, sir, you may as well be shouting ‘Heil Hitler,’ because you are supporting Barack Obama, who is a Nazi”-a sentiment also common to right-wing extremists who actively seek the violent overthrow of the federal government. You see the problem? The feverish, paranoid snake that is contemporary right-wing political thought has begun to eat its own tail, and the swamp is full of anti-Semites and Nazi-haters who both seek the same thing-a return to the “real America.”
As you can see from the look of terror that crosses this woman’s face when the Israeli challenges her-”I’m a Jew! You’re telling me, ‘Heil Hitler’? Shame of you!”-she appears to have briefly forgotten which one she is. In the most cosmic of ironies, she is wearing an Israeli Defense Forces t-shirt, so it’s not likely that she’s a rabid neo-Nazi. Still, you can see in her eyes that she is frantically checking an exhaustive catalog of political outrages in the back of her mind-which is worse, supporting healthcare reform, or yelling “Heil Hitler” at a Jew?
She quickly decides that it’s the former, and tells the Israeli that, as a Jew, he should be more frightened than anyone of Obama’s policies. It’s about as comprehensive a tangle of our current political dynamic as we’ve seen-a middle-aged white woman who seems to believe that Jews are good to the extent that Israel is good because Israel kills Arabs but bad to the extent that one of them supports socialized medicine shouts “Heil Hitler” at an Israeli because Hitler was bad to the extent that he was like Obama but was also good to the extent that he was against Communist Jews. It’s taxing to remember where the political lines are drawn when the only thing you care about is hating the president.
Is this what we’ve turned into? A nation of idiots who can’t have a serious debate about a divisive political issue without resorting to violence, name calling, racism, xenophobia, and ethnocentrism?
I have to say, I totally support how Barney Frank responded to this woman. She’s an idiot and deserves to be treated as such, n’est-ce pas?
So, did you hear? Some words came out of John Mackey’s piehole. He’s the dude who is the CEO of Whole Foods. And now a bunch of rich hippies are all riled up.
Hey, I’m pro-hippy. I’m even a former hippy. Granted, I’ve never owned a pair of birkenstocks, nor do I think that a peasant skirt paired with corduroys is a good look for women (and it certainly is not a good look for men); but trust me… if you knew me in the early nineties, you’d be like, “Damn! You’s a hippy!“ And for those of you who did know me in the 90s (::cough cough:: Rev. Random ::cough cough::), well you just keep your preacher hole shut! We said we’d NEVER TALK ABOUT WHAT WENT DOWN IN THAT DRUM CIRCLE THAT NIGHT!!
But I digress. So Whole Foods is supposed to be a hemp loving, weed smoking, “mellow out, man” hairy arm-pitted store… for people who love hemp, smoking weed, being mellow, and not shaving. But is it really? I mean, come on. Have you seen their prices? It’s ridonkulous. You can buy the same exact crap at Trader Joe’s for waaaaaaay less. Whole Foods is really a rich people grocery store. But whatever.
Just look at this grandeur. It's too fancy for poor people.
So John Mackey said some crap about healthcare reform (which I will not reproduce here, because, YAWN!) that done pissed off a bunch of progressives and liberals. I’m firmly in the progressive/liberal camp. But honestly? This boycott is stupid. First of all, Whole Foods is a public corporation. So yeah, while I don’t agree with what Mackey said, it’s not like Whole Foods is a lemonade stand he’s running on his front lawn to raise money for a Nintendo Wii.
Was it the most savvy business move for Mackey to rail against healthcare reform in the op-ed pages of the Wall Street Journal? Probably not. But it seems to me that people need to calm the hell down and focus.
Is that the voice of excitement? No. No it is not. It is the voice of a publicist who wonders whether Johnny’s baby will come shooting out of Naomi’s uterus sporting a helmet and full body armor, after which it will high five the doctor, pound three beers, and then saunter out of the room yelling “Later, punk ass bitches!” over its shoulder.
She’s all, like, sniffin’ Jay-Z’s armpits and crap.
Well, maybe she’s not sniffing his crap. But she certainly did lose her shit over the way Jay-Z smells recently (after admitting that she doesn’t really like his music):
“Jay-Z is my new best friend!” the talk show host said to Gayle while discussing her recent two-hour interview with him for her magazine, O. Admitting that she’s not a huge fan of his music, Oprah does reveal what about him does have her hooked. “He was so charming and delightful – and he smelled so good,” she says. “It’s the kind of thing where you hug a guy and the scent is sort of buried in them,” she explains. “When we went to the second location I could still smell him on me it was like, ‘oh my, this is wonderful!’“
So let me get this straight: You’re not a fan of Jay-Z’s music, but you love the way he smells? That’s like saying “I really don’t dig Beethoven’s music, but I LOVE his nose hair!”
OK, so maybe it’s not really at all like that. But humor me.
This Chick Makes Me Want to Stab Myself in My Own Eye
Please either use that knife or pass it to me so I can stab myself.
So apparently, when Katy Perry was nine years old, she prayed to the lord jebus for tig ol bitties. And Ms. 32 DD got what she wished for:
“I remember really vividly kneeling by my bed as a nine-year-old, saying my prayers and asking God to give me boobs that were so big that if I laid on my back I wouldn’t be able to see my feet.
Eventually that request was granted. A bit of divine intervention displays the power of prayer.”
God, won’t she please die in a fire? No seriously, God. I’m asking. I don’t ask for much.
Yesterday at the 238th National Meeting of the American Chemical Society in Washington, D.C., Pablo Escobar and his merry band of cocaine snorting scientists discovered that ALL OF OUR MONEH IS LACED WITH COKE. That’s coke, as in “aine.” Bolivian marching powder. Columbia’s finest. Snow, nose candy, blow, powdered sugar, the devil’s innards, charlie, charles, charles in charge, bleans, white flight, boutros boutros ghali, snow globe. (OK, I may have made some of those names up.)
This weekend, I went to a gay dance club in the middle of Boyztown, California, better known as West Hollywood. It was F.U.N. Not only because of the half naked dancers standing on platforms. Or because I saw a lot of men wearing stuff you just don’t wear in polite company. Or the extended remix of Jamie Foxx’s Blame It (on the a-a-a-a-alcohol). Or because nothing beats getting dressed up, going to a gay bar or club, and having multiple men tell you how FIERCE you look and not worrying about that comment leading to an awkward one-sided game of Grab Ass.
As I was two double scotches in, I realized I should probably drink a third. So I sidled up to the bar and waited. And waited. Eventually a blonde girl came up to the bar and stood next to me. She wanted liquor too. So she waited. And waited. After attending to every gay man at the bar, the hot gay bartender turned to us ladies (we surely weren’t going to put out for him) and proceeded to take our drink orders. He asked the blonde girl what she wanted. She ordered her drink and then pointed at me and said “She was here first.” So I ordered my scotch. Happy that she showed decidedly nondooshy behavior by telling the bartender I wanted a drink too, I struck up a conversation with her. About Michael Jackson.
Yesterday at the 238th National Meeting of the American Chemical Society in Washington, D.C., Pablo Escobar and his merry band of cocaine snorting scientists discovered that 
