Oh, For Fuck’s Sake
Ed Hardy water? Really? RE-HEALLY? Great googly moogly. You know fools in my neck of the woods (Los Angeles, the city of angels asshats) are going to be lapping this up like beer from a dog bowl. Word on the street is that Jon Gosselin is already bathing in this shit.
According to the website:
Water rains down from the heavens, from Clouds to Raindrops
Water provides life to all flowering plants, without which man would not exist
Water covers most of the world, and provides life to all alike
Water is the source of Agriculture, without which civilization would not have occurred
Water is always in a state of equilibrium and movement, always transmuting from gas to liquid to solid
Water is the lifeblood of all living things, without it there would be no life on Earth
Water is the matrix of life, binding us to all living things and the Earth
Water is Ed Hardy Water.
More like “Water is a douchebag.” I can honestly say, this is the first time water has made me want to stab myself in my own face.
(H/T justinsloe!)
Ooo, “Ed Hardy Instant Doosh. Just add vinegar.” or water…
But does it have what plants crave?
Ed Hardy’s marketing people should team up with the city council speech girl from a few posts ago and write something truly, life-alteringly stupid.
i swear. every time i read that “poem” i feel the urge to take a dump on my own neck.
Here’s what I think about Ed Hardy water (TM). I wouldn’t pay for Chic Jeans water or Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt water. So, when I see fat trailer park bitches at Wal-Mart wearing a “Love Kills Slowly” sports bra without even a whiff of irony, it’s pretty safe to assume that I won’t be buying your water, either.
I get the urge to take a dump on Don Ed Hardy for his existence enabling this brand’s existence.
jaysus.
i never heard of ed hardy pre-jon-gosselin drama and now i want to stab my eyes out because its so tired and overdone, in my opinion. it reeks of desperation to approach an overexposed reality spazz for no other reason than he is in the news.
Has this already been said? By me or someone else? Whenever I see Ed Hardy stuff I think, Ed Hardy wishes he was Lisa Frank but he’s not. Or he’s snot, as I would have said in my early Lisa Frank days.
Ed Hardy will NEVER be Lisa Frank.
PS: Is Lisa Frank a real person?
He is an artist and tattoo artist. I don’t think he owns the brand his name is attached to. I think he just licenses it, maybe. I am hoping that he is as sickened by what his name now represents as we all are. If not, may he choke on his stupid water.
P.S. Yeah, Lisa Frank is real.
hehehe
quite the award winning commentary up in here
We at Ed Hardy speak in the Old Tyme Syle whither random Nouns are capitalized and random Commas are utilized in the fynest manner.
It’s not the water’s fault. Water was just hanging out with some friends in a corner booth at some LA bar when Ed Hardy came along, with his empire o’ tacky, money, and smooth playa style. Before she knew what was happening, Hardy talked water into showing him her tits, right before he drew a klassy piece of art on her left breast, depicting a tiger, a rose and a skull frolicking in a sheet of flames. Then, ashamed, water felt she had no choice but to be his bitch.
This makes me want to go on a dehydration strike.
Will I be able to buy this Ed Hardy douche at my local Walgreens? Side note, I saw Ed Hardy lighters and beer cozies being sold at my Exxon. You know you’re played out when your label is now promoting your products at stores you can also by burritos.