That Penguin is a SLUT!

Bi Bi Birdy

Remember the gay penguins?  Well, in news that has rocked the animal world, the big gay penguins have broken up.  Apparently some whore lady penguin’s husb-guin died and the recently widowed penguins saw an opportunity to break up the happy gay-nguin couple living next door.

The 6 year long relationship between Harry and Pepper, two gay male penguins at the San Francisco zoo is OVAH. Last week, Harry left Pepper, the man-guin with whom he had been protecting eggs abandoned by other penguins, and moved into a nest next door with Linda, a recent widow.

Zookeeper Aaron Brown says this isn’t the first time Linda moved in on another penguin’s man:

“Of all of the parents that year, they [the gay penguins] were the best,” Brown said. “They took very good care of their chick. He ended up being the largest chick on the island.”

One could say that all seemed to be going swimmingly with Harry and Pepper.

Enter the recently widowed Linda, who has long had a reputation of sorts, according to Brown.

Several years ago, she left her longtime companion and moved in with much older Fig just hours after Fig’s partner passed away, Brown said.

“That was the fastest we’d ever seen penguins move on,” he said. “To be completely anthropomorphizing, Linda seems conniving. She’s got her plan. I don’t think she was wanting to be a single girl for too long.”

This year, within weeks of Fig passing away in winter, Harry was seen in Fig’s old burrow spending time with Linda, Brown said.

Then one day, Harry and Linda approached Pepper’s pen and confronted Pepper. Harry began attacking Pepper violently and the three ultimately had to be separated, Brown said.

Reportedly, Pepper is inconsolable and won’t stop blaring “How Do I Waddle Without You,” while Harry keeps squawking, “GET OVER IT!  I WAS JUST EXPERIMENTING!!“