Flies Turning Fire Ants into Zombies

Jeff Goldblum, FTW!!

Imagine this:

You’re a queen fire ant. You and your fiery brethren have plotted and planned your quest to conquer the United States.

Your journey started in Argentina, South America. You woke up one day, sounded the alarm, and millions of little fire ants packed their luggage (actually their luggage consisted of teeny tiny red bandanas affixed to sticks) and made their way northward to the Panama Canal. Many died along the way, but you refused to let your ant army give up. You reached Panama in a little over a year. Once there, you and your fire army (the ones who had survived the trek from Argentina) burrowed your way into bales of hay, sod, and other landscape plant life and waited for a cargo ship to carry you to the Promise Land.

You safely landed on the shores of Texas.  Your fiery destruction seemed unstoppable…

Until some goddamn son-of-a-bitch scientist came up with a final solution: Parasitic flies that turn fire ants into walking zombies.  You see, Fire Ant Monarch, when the flies are introduced to your ant battalion, they inject your soldier ants with eggs.  The eggs grow and the larvae migrate to the ants’ heads, feeding on their brains and turning them into zombies.

Suddenly hundreds of thousands of your ants start wandering off, compelled by the mother-brainsucking larvae to travel up to 50 yards away from the colony.  For no reason at all, except for the fact that they’re zoooooombies!!!

And then the unthinkable happens:  Their fucking heads fall off.  So there you are, stuck with a bunch of good-for-nothing zombie ants who are losing their goddamn heads.

And that, antsy bitches, is why you don’t mess with Texas.

(Thanks to Run-DMS for the tip!)