Fear Not, Bacon Enthusiasts.
Swine flu is sweeping Mexico and has made its way into the United States–Kansas, Texas, and California– prompting the World Health Organization to announce that the recent swine flu outbreak is a “public health emergency of international concern.”
No shit.
A WHO spokesperson said:
“We are very, very concerned. We have what appears to be a novel virus and it has spread from human to human … It’s all hands on deck at the moment.”
According to the Centers for Disease Control,
Swine Influenza (swine flu) is a respiratory disease of pigs caused by type A influenza that regularly cause outbreaks of influenza among pigs. Swine flu viruses do not normally infect humans, however, human infections with swine flu do occur, and cases of human-to-human spread of swine flu viruses has been documented.
And according to the Associated Press,
Scientists have long been concerned that a new flu virus could launch a worldwide pandemic of a killer disease. A new virus could evolve when different flu viruses infect a pig, a person or a bird, mingling their genetic material. The resulting hybrid could spread quickly because people would have no natural defenses against it.
This new flu is a combo of bird flu, pig flu, and people flu. This flu is taking no prisoners. I have a two-pronged approach to dealing with this new flu. I will remain indoors until this pandemic plays itself out. Don’t be coming over to my house and coughing all over me. I will cut you. Also, I will change my diet, starting with a drastic uptick in my Canadian bacon intake. I figure Canadian bacon is safe to eat because Canada is so far from Mexico. So I’ll start eating it–even though it’s fucking ham.
Here are some facts about the swine flu:
It saddens me to report that Bea Arthur has died. She was 86 years old.
Susan Boyle, the Scottish sensation, whose performance of “I Dreamed A Dream” from the musical Les Misérables wowed the pants off of Simon Cowell and the other judges at the 
Jay Leno got the vapors yesterday and drove himself to the hospital in Burbank, CA. I guess he was fine, or something, but instead of doing his show last night, he decided to rest at home. Angry Black Lady wishes Jay Leno a speedy recovery; it wasn’t speedy enough though, oh Great Chinned Wonder!
