Twilight, Twibright, You All Need to Die in a Fire Tonight
This Twilight shit is insane, y’all. I mean really really insane. As I told y’all last month, Twilight was released on DVD to much screaming, crying, and panty dropping at various midnight release parties. It sold more than 3 million copies on the first day, putting it in on par with such hits as The Dark Knight, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and Transformers which also sold an assload of DVDs on their first release day. (Apparently, Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End also sold a shit ton of copies on its first day, but the movie was fucking stupid. I mean really really stupid. And I, therefore, refuse to acknowledge it–although I already have by noting how fucking stupid it was. Whatever, bitches. Don’t be so literal.)
Apparently needing to capitalize on the extreme lunacy that seems to go hand in hand with having read these fucking Twilight books, Summit Entertainment is currently shooting New Moon, the second book in the series a mere four months after it shot the last one. And probably the day after New Moon is released, they will immediately begin filming Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn so that the series doesn’t suffer Harry Potter syndrome (i.e., the testicle descension and voice-deepening of actors who have, much to the chagrin of the movie studio, clearly hit puberty.) I mean, have you seen the posters for the upcoming Harry Potter flick, Half-Blood Prince? Those kids are like thirty now. And addicted to methamphetamines as most starlets turned “real people” often are. I’m looking at you Stephanie Tanner.
But I digress.
Summit Entertainment’s decision to rush full speed ahead with filming has resulted in some crazy ass stalking of the New Moon set. And I mean, CRAZY. ASS.
These Twi-hards are so goddamn crazy that Kristen Stewart, the 18 year-old actress who portrays Bella Swan in the Twilight movies, after calling twi-hards “retarded” back in November 2008 for stalking the set of Twilight, is now apparently fearful of these crazy twi-hard bitches:
“You show up at these places, and there’s literally like a thousand girls and they’re all screaming your name. Girls are scary. Large groups of girls scare the (crap) out of me. They covet him. I think half of them are so jealous that they hate me.”
Maybe you shouldn’t have called them retarded, Kristen. You know how crazy teenage girls can be. They will cut you.
Well, look out crazy tween bitches. Now you’ve got some crazy middle-age bitches to contend with as well. Here come the Twilight Moms:
I mean. COME ON. Seriously? You must realize how pathetic you are. And you must realize that these people you are stalking are just actors playing fictional characters in a crappily written book. (I’ve read 2 1/2 of the 4 books, and while I admit to enjoying them, I will be the first to admit that they are crappily written. Stephen King was right!) And you must realize that you are so pathetic that you are raising your teenager daughters to be as pathetic if not even more pathetic. Which basically means, we’re all fucked.
P.S. Robert Pattinson is totes hot though.